Monday, December 16, 2019


Welcome to the 7th Annual One-Year-Later Awards!

(Audience applauds! Intro music plays)

Welcome our host, former OYL Award winner, Amy Schumer!
(AMY SCHUMER enters stage left and heads towards center stage)

Thank  you, thank you.

(Audience and music dies down)

Welcome everyone to the 7th ever One-Year-Later Awards, and the 1st ever Two-Year-Later Awards!

(Audience laughs)

This took forever to get done. You know how long it took to get to this show? From the time I was hired to host this, until now, I got married and had a baby!!! 

When I first took this gig, I thought, “Great, cool hosting, I might actually get laid!


I mean, now, I don’t even want to. I’m not getting all dressed up and acting flirty, I got six-month old who can only eat food that comes out of my tits.

Yeah, these feel a lot less attractive like guy magnets when you realize, “Oh, they’re not attracted to my cleavage, they’re just hungry.”


It’s a subconscious thing I guess. Anyway, it’s been so long,- does anybody here even remember making whatever the hell film you’re all nominated for?!


It’s been too long. Where’s my friend Lena?! Lena, Dunham?

(LENA DUNHAM waves up at the crowd.)

There she is? Hey Girl, do you remember what it is you’re here for?

(Lena shakes her head, “No”!)

No, you don’t know! Nobody here remembers or knows!

(Audience laughing)

I wasn’t even sure we were even gonna still do this. I had already re-written all my jokes about “Three Billboards…” glorifying racists to jokes about Bryan Singer being an asshole pedophile!

(Laughing! Mild applause)

I had to go back and rewatch everything; I streamed all the nominees really quickly, last night. I mean I fast forwarded through most of them. But I did make a list of what I remember about the nominees.

(Amy pulls out a piece of paper)
Things that I took away from all these films. So, here’s what I learned, I learned from “The Shape of Water” that deaf  British chicks should date fish monsters!


Eh, I learned from “Get Out” that black guys should not date skinny white bitches.


I didn’t think we needed a whole movie about that, but there you go. I learned from “Personal Shopper” to keep Kristen Stewart away from your clothes closet.


I learned from “Call Me By Your Name” to keep Timothee Chalamet away from fruit.


I learned from a couple movies to stay away from modern-day Syria and stay away from 1992 Los Angeles.


And I learned to stay away from Detroit, at all times!


I’m sure there were other things too, but-, Oh, I remember from “PBNJ,” that my girl Bridget Everett can sing! Yeah!

(Cut to BRIDGET EVERETT in crowd.)

I learned that, but I knew that already. Alright, we’re already running late, so, let’s get to our first category, the OYL Award for Best Original Song. He’s a multiple-time OYL Award nominee, including a double-nominee tonight for Supporting Actor and as a member of the cast of “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”, ladies and gentlemen, Woody Harrelson.

(WOODY HARRELSON enters stage right and heads towards center stage, where Amy greets him before she exits stage left.)

Alright, this is cool. I never get to announce a fun category like Best Original Song.  Here we go, the nominees for Best Original Song are….

(Cut to Montage and voiceover of the nominees. This will continue as all nominees in all categories are announced.)

“Mystery of Love”-Call Me By Your Name-Music/Lyrics: Sufjan Stevens
“Visions of Gideon”-Call Me By Your Name-Music/Lyrics: Sufjan Stevens
“Captain Underpants Theme Song”-Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie-Music/Lyrics: Weird Al Yankovich
“Remember Me”-Coco-Music/Lyrics by Kristin Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez
“You Shouldn’t Look At Me That Way”-Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool-Music/Lyrics: Elvis Costello
“It Ain’t Fair”-Detroit-Music/Lyrics: Phonte Coleman, Ahmir “Questlove” Thompson and Tariq “Black Thought” Trotter
“The Pure And The Damned”-Good Time-Music: Ronald Bronstein, Daniel Lopatin and Josh Safdie; Lyrics: Iggy Pop
“This Is Me”-The Greatest Showman-Music/Lyrics: Benj Pasek and Justin Paul
“Truth To Power”-An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power-Music/Lyrics: Ryan Tedder and T Bone Burnett
“Tuff Love (Finale)”-Patti Cake$-Music/Lyrics: Jason Binnick and Geremy Jasper

(Montage ends)

And the OYL Award goes to…

(Opens envelope)

“Remember Me” from “Coco”. Kristin Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez!
Image result for Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Robert Lopez, Coco

(“Remember Me” from “Coco” plays as Kristin Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez stand up and approach the stage. Woody hands them awards and shakes each of their hands. Kristin and Robert turns towards the audience.)

This is the first nominations and wins for Kristin Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez! 

(Kristin waves slightly as she mouths “Thank you” and smiles. Robert just smiles at the crowd. All three of them then exit stage left.)

A double-nominee tonight as a member of the Cast and for Best Supporting Actress for “Get Out”, Allison Williams!

(Alison Williams passes Woody, Kristin and Robert as ALLISON WILLIAMS enters stage left and approaches the podium.)

In a magical world of make believe that we all work in, trust us, we can give the performance of our lives, and if we don’t look like a Beast or an alien, or a sea creature, or British politician, or a Billie Jean King, or whoever we’re playing, it simply won’t come out right. Here are the nominees for Best Makeup and Hairstyling

Battle of the Sexes-Makeup: Torsten White and Haruyo Sawada; Hair: Frida S. Aradottir and Rita Troy
Beauty and the Beast-Makeup/Hair: Jenny Shircore, Marc Pilcher, Charlotte Hayward, Jacqueline Bhavnani, and Samantha Deneyer; Makeup: Dave Elsey and Lou Elsey
Darkest Hour-Makeup/Hair: Kazu Hiro, Lucy Sibbick, Ivana Primorac, Flora Mood, and Christine Whitney, Makeup: David Malinowski; Hair: Diana Choi and Bob Kretchmer
Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2-Makeup: John Blake, Brian Sipe, Alexei Dmitiew, Jon Moore, Robin Pritchard, Vera Steimberg;  Hair: Louisa V. Anthony, Tina Fabulic, Jules Holdren, Camille Friend, Vivian Baker, Cynthia Chapman, Mary Mastro, Justin Stafford, and Peter Tothpal
I, Tonya-Makeup: Deborah Lamia Denaver, Andre Freitas and Bill Myer; Hair: Mary Evertt, Adruitha Lee and Heather Morris
Mudbound-Makeup: Angie Wells, Carla Bremholz, and Emily Tatum; Hair: Lawrence Davis, and Dana Boisseau
Phantom Thread-Makeup/Hair by Ann Fenton: Makeup: Paul Engelen, Hair: Jon Henry Gordon
The Shape of Water-Makeup: Jordan Samuel, Mike Hill, Shane Mahan and Clayton Martinez; Hair: Paula Fleet, 
Wonder-Makeup: Arjen Tuiten, Naomi Bakstad, Jean A. Black, Judy Chin, Megan Harkness, 
Michael Nickiforek, Hair: Robert A. Pandini, Alisa Macmillan, Frida Aradottir, Aimee Macabeo, and Jasen Sica.

And the OYL Award goes to…

(Opens envelope)

“The Shape of Water”

Image result for Jordan Samuel, The Shape of Water Image result for Mike Hill, The Shape of Water Image result for Paula Fleet, The Shape of Water

(Several of the winners from “The Shape of Water” stand up as "The Shape of Water" by Alexandre Desplat begins to play. [From left to right, Samuel, Hill, Mahan and Fleet. Clayton Martine: Not pictured.)

These are the first nominations and wins for Jordan Samuel, Mike Hill, Shana Mahan, Clayton Martinez and Paula Fleet!

(Not all of them are present, but the ones that are get the awards as they’re handed to them. They each turn to the audience who’s cheering them on for a moment before they follow Allison and exit stage right.)

Last year’s OYL Award winner for Best Supporting Actress for “The Handmaiden”, TAE-RI KIM!

(Tae-Ri Kim enters from stage left and heads shyly towards the podium to a quiet ovation.)

Thank you.
(In Korean)
A small-town Sheriff and his faithful but troubled Deputy who are in over their heads, a police officer who lets his prejudice make sure he’s over his, a bodyguard who thinks he’s more clever than he really is, a troubled husband of a shy-but-talented painter, a troubled son who’s got plans for the surgeon that killed his father, a young soldier who’s life is endangered more when he returns home, a rich father who goes suspiciously out of his way to earn the trust of his daughter’s latest boyfriend, and a gay neighbor who fights for two young lovers in their own unconventional affair. The nominees for Best Supporting Actors all find themselves caught up in worlds, stories and situations bigger then they realize, and must find a way to deal with these strange circumstances they’re in.
(In English)
The nominees are…

Armie Hammer-“Call Me By Your Name”
Woody Harrelson-“Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”
Paul Walter Hauser-“I, Tonya”
Ethan Hawke-“Maudie”
Richard Jenkins-“The Shape of Water”
Barry Keoghan-“The Killing of a Sacred Deer”
Jason Mitchell-“Mudbound”
Will Poulter-“Detroit”
Sam Rockwell-“Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”
Bradley Whitford-“Get Out”

And the OYL goes to….

(Tae-Ri opens envelope)

Jason, Mitchell, “Mudbound”!

Image result for jason mitchell mudbound

(Audience is somewhat startled as a slight wave of gasps fills the arena. “Mighty River” by Mary J. Blige starts to play before a solemn and sudden wave of applause starts to be heard. Tae-Ri stands at the podium quietly for a moment, waiting for the applause to die down, and the music to turn off.)

Uh, Mister Mitchell, was unable to attend, this award is accepted on his behalf.

(The audience applauds as Tae-Ri takes the awards and exits stage left. Amy enters from stage right, looking a little uncomfortable at first before she begins talking.)

So-eh, you may have noticed that I just had a baby, thank you.

(Audience cheers)

Yep, I recovered nicely, and quickly, I’m already back to being 25 pounds overweight for every role.

(Audience laughs)

Seriously, they wouldn’t even let me be an ape in that “Planet of the Apes” movies. “It’s CGI, just animate me thinner,” and they were like, “NO!”

(Audience laughs)

Well, I’m rejected and too busy being a mom for roles, but I can started drinking again. Speaking of “War for the Planet of the Apes” he’s a nominee tonight for Best Character Voice-Over/Narration Voice-Over or Alternative Performance for that film, Steve Zahn!

(STEVE ZAHN enters stage left and heads towards the podium to a nice ovation)

This is cool, I never get to be at these things. There and ten nominees, the maximum, in the category of Best Production Design. The Award is given to the Production Designer and the film’s Set Designer; if a Set Designer is not listed, an art director may be eligible as well. Here are the nominees for Best Production Design.

Beauty and the Beast-Pro.: Sarah Greenwood; Set: Katie Spencer
Blade Runner 2049-Pro.: Dennis Gassner; Set: Alessandra Querzola and Zsuzsi Sipos
Dave Made a Maze-Pro.: Trisha Gunn and John Sumner; Art: Jeff White
Dunkirk-Pro.: Nathan Crowley; Set: Emmanuel Delis and Gary Fettis
Lady MacBeth-Pro.: Jacqueline Abrahams; Art: Thalia Ecclestone
Maudie-Pro.: John Hand; Set: Dara Hand
Phantom Thread-Pro.: Mark Tildesley; Set: Veronique Melery
The Post-Pro.: Rick Carter; Set: Rena DeAngelo
The Shape of Water-Pro.: Paul D. Austerberry; Set: Jeffrey A. Melvin and Shane Vieau
The Square-Pro.: Josefin Asberg

And the OYL goes to…

(Opens envelope)

“THE SHAPE OF WATER”! Paul D. Austerberry, Jeffrey A. Melvin and Shane Vieau.

Image result for paul d. austerberry, Jeffrey A. Melvin The Shape of Water

(Paul D. Austerberry, Jeffrey A. Melvin and Shane Vieau stand up and approach the stage. "The Shape of Water" by Alexander Desplat plays again)

These are the first nominations and wins for Paul D. Austerberry, Jeffrey A. Melvin and Shane Vieau!

(The three approach the stage and are each handed their awards by Steve Zahn as approach. When they get their OYLs, they turn to audience and excitedly hold up their OYLs to the audience, ecstatic about their win. After a few moments, Steve leads the three of them to the side as the all exit the stage stage left.) 

A five-time OYL Award nominee, including a double-nominee tonight for Best Character Voiceover, Narration Voiceover or Alternative Performance, and for Best Actor for "War for the Planet of the Apes", Andy Serkis!

(The music stops as ANDY SERKIS enters stage left passing the previous winners and he heads out toward the podium at center stage to a rousing ovation.)

Thank you, thank you.

(Audience applause dies down as Andy motions them too.)

I'm just happy I'm not doing Animated Feature, again.

(Audience chuckles, slightly.)

This year, they have me announcing, Best Editing, which does make sense, as by the time one of my movies is usually finished, I have been completely edited out of the movie, in order to look as unrecognizable as possible.

(Audience laughs again.)

Which is ironically, the only way anybody knows it's me now.

(Audience laughs again.)

Thank you. There are ten nominees, the maximum, in the category of Best Editing. The nominees are...

Baby Driver-Jonathan Amos and Paul Machliss
Cries from Syria-Aaron I. Butler
Dawson City: Frozen Time-Bill Morrison
Detroit-William Goldenberg and Harry Yoon
Dunkirk-Lee Smith
Get Out-Gregory Plotkin
I, Tonya-Tatiana S. Riegel
Logan-Michael McCusker and Dirk Westervelt
Phantom Thread-Dylan Tichenor
The Shape of Water-Sidney Wolinsky

And the OYL Award goes to....

(Opens envelope)


Image result for Tatiana S. Riegel, I, Tonya

(Mark Batson's "Fair to Love Me" plays as TATIANA S. REIGEL stands up and approaches the stage.)

This is Tatiana S. Reigel's first OYL Award win and nomination!

(Tatiana approaches the stage and Andy Serkis hands her the award. She thanks Andy and turns to the audience in acknowledgement. She and Andy then exit stage right.)

A five-time OYL Award nominee, including a 3-time nominee this year for Best Actress for "Maudie" and as a member of the Cast and Best Actress for "The Shape of Water", Sally Hawkins!

(SALLY HAWKINS enters stage left to applause and approaches the center stage podium and turns to the audience.)

The documentaries made this year showcased the current conflicts in places as far away as Syria and as close as Missouri. They also looked at the past conflicts that shaped the cities of New York and Los Angeles, and even profile the history of a small Canadian mining town. They also showcase the past and present careers of some of America and France's most wide-ranging artists, and one film even showcases the modern battlefield in the ever-continuing battle between man and machine. Here are the nominees for Best Documentary Feature.

AlphaGo-Dir.: Greg Kohs; Pro.: Gary Krieg, Kevin Proudfoot and Josh Rosen
Citizen Jane: Battle for the City-Dir./Pro.: Matt Tyrnauer; Pro.: Jenny Carchman, Robert Hammond, Corey Reeser and Jessica Van Garsse
Cries from Syria-Dir./Pro.: Evgeny Afineevsky; Pro.: Aaron I. Butler and Den Tolmor
David Lynch: The Art Life-Dir.: Rick Barnes and Olivia Neergaard-Holm; Dir./Pro: Jon Nguyen, Pro.: Jason S. and Sabrina S. Sutherland
Dawson City: Frozen Time-Dir./Pro.: Bill Morrison; Pro.: Madeleine Molyneaux
Faces Places-Dir./Pro.: Agnes Varda and JR; Pro.: Rosalie Varda
LA 92-Dir.: Dan Lindsay & TJ Martin; Pro.: Jonathan Chinn, Simon Chinn and Sarah Gibson
Let It Fall: Los Angeles 1982-1992-Dir./Pro.: John Ridley; Pro.: Jeanmarie Condon and Melia Patria
Long Strange Trip-Dir.: Amir Bar-Lev; Pro.: Alex Blavatnik, Ken Dornstein, Eric Eisner, Nicholas Koskoff and Justin Kreutzmann
Whose Streets?-Dir./Pro.: Sabaah Folayan; Co-Dir./Pro.: Damon Davis; Pro.: Sabaah Jordan, Jennifer MacArthur and Flannery Miller

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Image result for Dawson City Frozen Time

(Alex Soemers's score for 'Dawson City Frozen Time" begins to plays as Bill Morrison and Madeleine Molyneaux stand up and walk towards the stage.)

This is Bill Morrison first win and second nomination. He was nominated earlier tonight for Best Editing for "Dawson City: Frozen Time". This is Madeleine Molyneaux's first win and nomination!

(Bill and Madeleine approach center stage and Sally hands them their awards. They turn to the applauding audience and acknowledge them before Sally guides them off as they exit stage right. Amy Schumer comes out stage left wearing Margot Robbie's dress from "I, Tonya," and dolled up like her Robbie was. The outfit is tight on her and her oversized bra and underwear are clearly showing unnaturally outside the figure skating outfit, and the audience laughs riotously as Amy struggles to walk out on stage and approaches the audience.)

So-um, I was told that being a female host of an awards show, that I should have some costume changes...-

(Audience laughs some more)

And wear some of the costumes from some of the nominated movies. So, my supposed friend Margot Robbie, said I should dress like she was dressed in "I, Tonya".

(Audience laughs)

Anyway, this is really hurting my snatch, by the way.

(Audience laughs again)

Our next presenter is a three-time OYL Award nominee, including a nomination for Best Actress tonight, and is a lying bitch who conveniently didn't have her costume altered for me, Margot Robbie!

(Margot enters stage right and approaches the podium, laughing as Amy waddles her way to exit stage left. Amy gives Margot the finger before finally exiting the stage.)

It's often said that when it comes to acting, the real skill is knowing how to listen to others. Also, selfishness, because our personal performances are better when we have better performances to play off of. The award for Best Ensemble Performance is given to ever accredited cast members of a film, and here are the nominees.

BPM (Beats Per Minute)
Call Me By Your Name
Get Out
The Insult
Lady Bird
Last Flag Flying
Phantom Thread
The Post
The Shape of Water
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

...And the OYL Award goes to.

(Opens envelope)

The cast of "THE SHAPE OF WATER"! 

Related image

(Alexander Desplat's "The Shape of Water" plays as the members of the film's main cast present stand up and hug each other as they head towards the stage. Margot hand them their awards as they approach and turn to the applauding audience. After a few moments, Margot leads them as they all exit stage left.)

Last year's winner for the first ever OYL Award for Outstanding Character Voiceover, Narrative Voiceover or Alternative Performance for "The BFG", Mark Rylance!

(MARK RYLANCE enters stage left passing many members of the cast of "The Shape of Water" as he approaches the center podium to a loud ovation.)

I don't have to mention that all performances are different from another. It really is trivial to give out such awards as these, although I am happy and gracious to have won this last year.

(Slight chuckles from audience)

It is important though to realize that when it comes to acting, it comes in all forms. There's several methods, several processes, and of course, even different variants mediums of acting. The award for the Best Character Voiceover, Narration Voiceover or Alternative Performance, honors the latter of those groups, acting in non-traditional manners and mediums. Here are the nominees....

Saara Chaudrey-"The Breadwinner"
Lena Dunham-"My Entire High School Sinking Into the Sea"
Zach Galifianakis-"The LEGO Batman Movie"
Gael Garcia Bernal-"Coco"
Anthony Gonzalez-"Coco"
David Lynch-"David Lynch: The Art Life"
Andy Serkis-"War for the Planet of the Apes"
John Sessions-"Loving Vincent"
Marisa Tomei-"Citizen Jane: Battle for the City"
Steve Zahn-"War for the Planet of the Apes"

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Mr. ANDY SERKIS; "War for the Planet of the Apes"!
Image result for andy serkis war of the planet of the apes

(Michael Giacchino"Apes Together Strong" plays as Andy Serkis, who had now taken his seat near the right-side of the auditorium, humbly stands up and heads towards the stage as the audience applauds.)

This is Andy Serkis's fifth OYL Award nomination and first win. He is nominated later tonight for Best Actor, also for his performance is "War for the Planet of the Apes". He had previously been nominated for Best Actor for "Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll" and "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" and for Best Supporting Actor for "Rise of the Planet of the Apes"! He is the first man in OYL Awards history to be nominated for three different performances in three different films, where he played the same character.

(Andy is congratulated by Mark as he hands Andy the Award. There is a standing ovation from the audience as Andy turns to them. He humbly acknowledges the applause as he stares first at the audience and then, nervously at his award. He waves and says thank you as Mark leads Andy offstage, exiting stage left.)

A four-time OYL Award nominee, as a member of the casts of "Crazy, Stupid, Love", "Love is Strange" and "The Big Short" as well as a previous nominee tonight for Character Voiceover, Narration Voiceover or Alternative Performance for "Citizen Jane: Battle for the City", Marisa Tomei!

(MARISA TOMEI enters stage right as she determinedly approachs the podium at center stage.)

If this room is any indication, there are indeed tons of great actors out there. An actor who occasionally finds the right role is one thing, but putting together a troupe of the right actors for all the right roles not just for themselves and to make sure they have chemistry with one another, that is a difficult skill. If you don't realize how important the casting director's job is sometimes, imagine if some of these nominated films has their casts switched with the other nominees and really just how disastrous some of those results would be. Here are the nominee for Best Casting.

BPM (Beats Per Minute)-Casting by Leila Fournier, Sarah Teper and Elora Thevenet
Call Me By Your Name-Casting by Stella Savino
Coco-Casting by Carla Hool, Natalie Lyon and Kevin Reher
Detroit-Casting by Victoria Thomas
The Florida Project-Casting by Carmen Cuba
Get Out-Casting by Terri Taylor
I, Tonya-Casting by Lindsay Graham & Mary Vernieu, Tara Feldstein and Chase Paris
Mudbound-Casting by Billy Hopkins and Ashley Ingram
The Shape of Water-Casting by Robin D. Cook
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri-Casting by Sarah Halley Finn

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope.)

Image result for "Detroit", Victoria Thomas

(The Roots with Bilal's "It Ain't Fair" plays as a surprised and stunned Victoria Thomas stands up and begins to head towards the stage.)

This is Victoria Thomas's first win and third nomination! She was previously nominated for Best Casting Ensemble for "Django Unchained" and for Best Casting alongside Cindy Tolan for "Straight Outta Compton"!

(Marisa hands Victoria the award. She thanks Marisa and turns to the audience with a great big smile that appears to hold off tears. After a moment, Marisa leads Victoria as they both exit stage right.)

A two-time nominee tonight as a Cast Member and for Best Actress for "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri" and a past nominee as a Cast Member of "Moonrise Kingdom", Frances McDormand!

(FRANCES MCDORMAND enters stage left and approaches the podium at center stage, accompanied by applause from the audience.)

I'm often in awe of how much the costume designers have to work on films especially with films with some of the largest casts, 'cause they often have to create entire new worlds or recreate the past and do it for a cast of dozens. Here are this year's nominees.

Battle of the Sexes-Mary Zophres
Beauty and the Beast-Jacqueline Durran
Darkest Hour-Jacqueline Durran
I, Tonya-Jennifer Johnson
Lady Bird-April Napier
Personal Shopper-Jurgen Doering
Phantom Thread-Mark Bridges
Professor Marston and the Wonder Women-Donna Maloney
The Shape of Water-Luis Sequeira
Star Wars: The Last Jedi-Michael Kaplan

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

"PHANTOM THREAD", Mark Bridges! 
Image result for Mark Bridges, Phantom Thread

(Jonny Greenwood's "House of Woodcock" plays as Mark Bridges stands up and humbly and graciously heads towards the stage.)

This is Mark Bridges's second nomination and first win. He was previously nominated in this category for "Inherent Vice".

(Frances hands Mark the award, and he turns to the applauding audience, and humbly nods towards them in acknowledgement before he and Frances exit stage left.)

A 5-time OYL Award nominee for Best Cinematography, and a 3-time winner for "Gravity", "Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)" and "The Revenant, Emmanuel Lubezki!

(EMMANUEL LUBEZKI enters stage left, surprising the audience as he gets an arrousing applause and a standing ovation as he approaches the podium.

Gracias, gracias.

(Emmanuel motions to the audience to calm their applause and sit back down, which they soon do.)

Thank you. They-eh, they normally, do not ask the Cinematographers to present awards, and they wouldn't have done it this year, but once they realized, I couldn't possibly win...-

(Audience laughs)

They-eh, let me do it this. So, here are this year's nominees for Best Cinematography.

Blade Runner 2049-Roger Deakins
Dunkirk-Hoyte van Hoytema
A Fantastic Woman-Benjamin Echazarreta
First They Killed My Father-Anthony Dod Mantle
The Florida Project-Alexis Zabe
I, Tonya-Nicolas Karakatsanis
Mudbound-Rachel Morrison
My Happy Family-Tudor Vladimir Panduru
The Post-Janusz Kaminski
The Shape of Water-Dan Laustsen

And, the OYL goes, to...

(Opens envelope)

DAN LAUTSEN, "The Shape of Water"! 
Image result for Dan Laustsen, The Shape of Water

(A slight wave of surprise gasps the audience momentarily right before Alexandre Desplat's "The Shape of Water" plays as Dan Lausten stands up and heads towards the stage.)

This is Dan Laustsen's first win and nomination!

(Dan heads towards the stage and accepts Emmaunel's handshake and the award from him. Dan then turns to the now-applauding audience. He acknowledges them briefly before Dan and Emmanuel walk off and exit stage right. Amy enters stage left and turns to the audience. She is back to wearing a more traditional female suit & tie pantsuit as she turns to the audience.)

Yeah, I'm not wearing any more crazy outfits tonight.

(Slight chuckle from audience)

Parts of my ladybits are still hurting from that.

(Audience laughs as Amy motions towards her nether-regions in a circular manner.)

I was going to just come out in my pajamas, 'cause normally at this point at an award show I'm halfway-to-bed and forcing myself to stay awake, but this is the most casual outfit they got back there. You can tell that I was the last-second host pick too, 'cause they've got a bunch of outlandish costumes that were design for either Whoopi Goldberg or Anne Hathaway to wear tonight, and then I think pulled this off the Ellen rack they had.

(Audience laughs loudly.)

It's nice, comfortable. Speaking of clothing, to present the OYL Award for Best Animated Feature, a 3-time OYL Award nominee, including a nominee tonight for Best Actress for "Personal Shopper", Kristen Stewart!

(KRISTEN STEWART enters stage right and heads towards the podium as Amy exits quietly stage left.)

The nominees for Best Animated Feature tell stories about learning to become a witch, growing up under Taliban-controlled Afghanistan, learning about your personal family history by helping guide them through the afterlife, trying to grasp and recreate the vision of a great eccentric paintsr, and a personal documentation of the simple lives of a British couple. The nominees are....

The Breadwinner-Dir.: Nora Twomey; Pro.: Anthony Leo, Tomm Moore, Andrew Rosen and Paul Young
Coco-Dir.: Lee Unkrich; Co-Dir.: Adrian Molina; Pro.: Darla K. Anderson
Ethel & Ernest-Dir.: Roger Mainwood; Pro.: Camilla Deakin and Ruth Fielding
Loving Vincent-Dir.: Dorota Kobiela and Hugh Welchman; Pro.: Sean M. Bobbitt and Ivan Mactaggart
Mary and the Witch's Flower-Dir.: Hiromasa Yonebayashi; Pro.: Yoshiaki Nishimura

And the OYL goes, to,...

(Opens envelope, pauses before reading it.)

Image result for Coco

(The audience applauds as Kristen Anderson-Lopez & Robert Lopez's "Remember Me begins to play. Lee Unkrich, Adrian Molina and Darla K. Anderson stand up and head towards the stage.)

These are the third nominations for both Lee Unkrich and Darla K. Anderson, and their 2nd wins, having both won previously in the category "Toy Story 3". Lee Unkrich, and Adrian Molina are also nominated tonight for Best Original Screenplay and Darla K. Anderson is nominated tonight for Best Picture, all for "Coco".

(Kristen hands each of the winners their awards and they humbly turn to the audience and acknowledge their applause. Kristen then leads them offstage as they exit stage left.)

A 3-time OYL Award nominee, and a 2-time winner last year for Supporting Actor and as a member of the cast of "Moonlight", Mahershala Ali!

(MAHERSHALA enters stage left to a rousing ovation as he approaches the podium. He quietly awaits for the applause to go down before he begins talking.)

This year's batch of Supporting Actress nominees portrayed several different and complex characters. There's a deceptive girlfriend who lures her boyfriend into a trap, a mother who's never let go of her celebrity dreams, a mother who pushes her daughter too far into fame, a conflicted lawyer struggling with a case over pride, an overprotective sister of a great designers, a wife of a cheating doctor who has to deal with the consequences of his actions, a mother who's fearful of her daughter's college and personal choice, a janitor who's helping a friend find love that she never thought she'd be able to find, a young lesbiand who begins a relationship with someone who's still exploring her sexuality, and a young orphan who's trying to find a family while trying to understand her own abilities. Here are the nominees for Best Supporting Actress

Diamand Abou Abboud-"The Insult"
Bridget Everett-"Patti Cake$"
Allison Janney-"I, Tonya"
Dafne Keen-"Logan"
Nicole Kidman-"The Killing of a Sacred Deer"
Lesley Manville-"Phantom Thread"
Laurie Metcalf-"Lady Bird"
Octavia Spencer-"The Shape of Water"
Malic White-"Princess Cyd"
Allison Williams-"Get Out"

And the OYL goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Image result for Allison Janney, I, Tonya

(Mark Batson's "Fair to Love Me" plays as ALLISON JANNEY stands up and heads towards the stage as the crowd applauds..)

This is Allison Janney's first win and second nomination. She was previously nominated as a member fo the cast of "The Way Way Back".

(Mahershala hands Allison her Award as she turns towards the audience, holding up her award. After a moment, she and Mahershala exit stage right.)

A nominee tonight for Best Character Voiceover, Narration Voiceover or Alternative Performance, Gael Garcia Bernal!

(GAEL enters from stage left to a major applause as he approaches the podium.)

Gracias. The-eh nominees for Best Foreign Language film represent three continents, seven countries, and range from genre from fantasy, to comedy to horror, to documentary, to courtroom drama and to everything else in between. They tell stories of the disenfranchised, of the personal, about the social condition, to stories about how the struggles of families conflict with the political conditions of the places these films come from. Here are the nominees for Best Foreign Language film.

After the Storm-Hirokazu KOREEDA (Japan)
BPM (Beats Per Minute)-Robin Campillo (France)
Faces Places-Agnes Varda and JR (France)
A Fantastic Woman-Sebastian Lelio (Chile)
Graduation-Christian Mungiu (Romania)
The Insult-Ziad Doueiri (Lebanon)
Loveless-Andrey Zvyagintsev (Russia)
Mary the the Witch's Flower-Hiromasa Yonebayashi (Japan)
Raw-Julie DuCournau (France)
The Square-Ruben Ostlund (Sweden)

Y el Uno-Ano-Mas Adelante va...

(Opens envelope)

"THE INSULT", from Lebanon. Director Ziad Doueiri! 
Image result for The Insult

(Eric Neveux's "The Streets of Beyrouth" play as ZIAD DOUEIRI stands up, partially taken aback by the announcement and approaches the stage.)

This is Ziad Doueiri's first win; he is also nominated later tonight for Best Original Screenplay for "The Insult". This is the first nomination and win in the category for a Lebanese film!

(Gael hands Ziad the OYL Award and he happily turns to the applauding audience. After a few moments, Gael guides Ziad as they exit stage left.)

A nominee tonight for Best Character Voiceover, Narration Voiceover or Alternative Performance for "The LEGO Batman Movie", Zach Galifianakis!

(ZACH GALIFIANAKIS enters stage right and approaches the podium at center stage.)

I am one of the few performing nominees who apparently has experience writing.

(Audience chuckles)

I mean, most people here can be handed a sheet of paper and read the words on it, and I can do that. It's a good skill, it's clever. I'm not as good at it as Andy Serkis apparently.

(Audience laughs loudly.)

However sometimes, I can actually come up with the words on the sheet of paper. Which makes me very powerful.

(Audience laughs)

Powerful enough, to where I can present awards for Best Original Screenplay. I am qualified for this! So here we go, the nominees for Best Original Screenplay are...

BPM (Beats Per Minute)-Robin Campillo and Philippe Mangeot
Coco-Story/Screenplay: Adrian Molina & Matthew Aldrich; Story: Lee Unkrich and Jason Katz
The Florida Project-Sean Baker and Chris Bergoch
Get Out-Jordan Peele
The Insult-Ziad Doueiri and Joelle Touma
Loveless-Oleg Negin and Andrey Zvyagintsev
Personal Shopper-Olivier Assayas
Phantom Thread-Paul Thomas Anderson
Princess Cyd-Stephen Cone
The Shape of Water-Guillermo Del Toro and Vanessa Taylor; Story by Guillermo Del Toro

And the person who's best at putting words on paper is...

(Audience laughs. Opens envelope)

JORDAN PEELE for "GET OUT"!Image result for jordan peele, get out

(Michael Abels's "Sikiliza Kwa Wahenga" plays as JORDAN PEELE stands up and heads towards the stage.)

This is Jordan Peele's first nomination and win. He is also nominated tonight for Best Director and for Best Picture all for "Get Out"!

(Zach bows down to one knee and presents him the award to Jordan as though he was presenting the award to a monarch. Jordan laughs and hugs Zach after he stands back up. Jordan then turns to the applauding audience. He thanks them and Zach and Jordan then exit stage left.)

An OYL Award nominee tonight for Best Actor for "Darkest Hour", Gary Oldman!

(GARY OLDMAN passes Zach and Jordan as he enters stage right and receives loud applause as he heads for the podium at center stage.)

Thank you. Adapted a story to the screen present distinctive challenges. Do you try to be faithful to the material, do you try to create your own interpretation? Do you modernize it for today, do you take aspects of a pre-existing material but tell a new story? And how? And what's more important, being faithful to the material so that those who are already familiar with the work recognize it on screen, or do you stray as far from that as possible, to the point where those fans and others might not even recognize the original work? They are difficult choices, and no matter the choice, when they succeed, it can be magical. Here are the nominees for Best Adapted Screenplay

The Breadwinner-Anita Doron; Screen Story: Deborah Ellis
Call Me By Your Name-James Ivory
Lady MacBeth-Alice Birch
Last Flag Flying-Richard Linklater & Darryl Ponicsan
Logan-James Mangold & Scott Frank and Michael Green; Story: James Mangold
Mary and the Witch's Flower-Riko Sakaguchi & Hiromasa Yonebayashi
Molly's Game-Aaron Sorkin
Mudbound-Virgil Williams and Dee Rees
Wonder Woman-Allen Heinberg; Story: Zack Snyder & Allen Heinberg and Jason Fuchs

And the OYL Award, goes to...

(Slowly opens envelope. Pauses before speaking.)


(Audience slightly gasps as the names are announced.)

for "LOGAN"!
Image result for James Mangold, LOGANImage result for Scott Frank, LOGANImage result for Michael Green, LOGAN

(Marco Beltrami's "Logan vs. X-24" plays as JAMES MANGOLD, SCOTT FRANK and MICHAEL GREEN, all slowly begin to stand up, and head towards the stage, somewhat stunned by their win.)

These are the first nominations and wins for James Mangold, Scott Frank and Michael Green. James Mangold is also nominated tonight for Best Director also for "Logan"!

(Still surprised, Gary hands each of them an OYL Award as they all turn to the audience. They hold up their awards and the audience applauds. Gary then leads them offstage, exiting stage right. Amy enters stage left and turns to the audience.)

Our next presenter is most famous to me for starring in several of my wet dreams.

(Audience laughs)

Apparently, he's also a talented actor who won the OYL Award for Best Actor for "Fences" last year and is a two-time nominee, and there isn't much else to say about the guy I was pretending my husband was when my kid was conceived, ladies and gentlemen, Denzel Washington!

(DENZEL WASHINGTON enters stage left, shaking his head towards Amy who exits stage left behind him as Denzel tries to hold back embarrassed laughter. The audience also chuckles briefly before going into a big applause.)

A waitress who goes to great lengths to keep the man she loves, a mother who goes to aggressive lengths to get justice for her daughter's passing, a young niece who begins to discover her own desires while vacationing with at her mother's childhood home, an athlete who makes a name for herself running underground poker games, another athlete who made a more infamous name for herself by going after the competition, a sadsack wife who finds creative freedom in her art, an aged movie star, who finds a common ground soulmate in the most unexpected of places, a lowly shopper who discovers a possible supernatural connection to her late twin brother, a young mute woman who makes a spiritual and romantic connection with a man who's more piscatorial than man, and a transsexual in mourning after the death of her lover, who has to deal with his unaccepting family. These nine women, portrayed ten spectacular characters over the last year, that will be remember for a long time. Here are the nominees for Best Actress.

Annette Bening-"Film Stars Don't Die in Liverpool"
Jessica Chastain-"Molly's Game"
Sally Hawkins-"Maudie"
Sally Hawkins-"The Shape of Water"
Vicky Krieps-"Phantom Thread"
Frances McDormand-"Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri"
Jessie Pinnick-"Princess Cyd"
Margot Robbie-"I, Tonya"
Kristin Stewart-"Personal Shopper"
Daniela Vega-"A Fantastic Woman"

And the OYL goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Well, I guess she had the odds. SALLY HAWKINS, for "THE SHAPE OF WATER"!
Image result for sally hawkins, the shape of water

(Sally Hawkins stands up as Alexandre Desplat's "The Shape of Water" plays. The audience loudly applauds as Sally heads towards the stage.)

This is Sally Hawkins's fifth nomination and second OYL Award win tonight, winning Best Actress and as a member of the cast for "The Shape of Water". On top of her Best Actress nomination for "Maudie", she was previously nominated for Best Supporting Actress and as a member of the cast of "Blue Jasmine".

(Denzel graciously hands Sally her award and she receives a standing ovation when she turns to the audience. She smiles happily and acknowledges them as she holds up her award in excitement. After a moment, Denzel leads Sally as they exit stage left.)

A two-time OYL Award nominee and last year's OYL Award Winner for Best Actress for "Jackie", Natalie Portman!

(NATALIE PORTMAN enters stage left, passing Denzel and Sally as she approaches the podium center stage.)

A young sound who goes through the bliss and struggles of his first serious romance, a young African-American man who finds out that he should be worried about dating a young WASP girl, a Prime Minister who has to keep a nation together through and after war, a chimpanzee who has to begin building a new civilization, a destperate con man who's got one last chance to succeed, a Father who's trying to keep his family together, despite his own sins breaking it apart, an eccentric art gallery owner who has to deal with an elaborate love life and an eccentric work life that are doomed to collide, an eccentric designer who becomes beholden to his muse, and a Lebanese Christian and a Palestinean refugee who's modern day collision recalls both of their shared brutal past. I don't think you could've come up with a more ecclectic and wide-ranging lead roles acting roles if you tried. Here are the nominees for Best Actor

Claes Bang-"The Square"
Timothee Chalamet-"Call Me By Your Name"
Daniel Day-Lewis-"Phantom Thread"
Kamel El Basha-"The Insult"
Richard Gere-"Norman: The Moderate Rise and Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer"
Daniel Kaluuya-"Get Out"
Adel Karam-"The Insult"
Gary Oldman-"Darkest Hour"
Andy Serkis-"War for the Planet of the Apes"
Adrian Titieni-"Graduation"

And the OYL goes to...

(Opens envelope)

RICHARD GERE for "Norman..."!
Image result for richard gere, norman: the moderate rise and tragic fall of a new york fixer

(RICHARD GERE smiles slyly before getting up and heading towards the stage as Jun Miyake's "Norman Speaks" plays. The audience slightly gasps in shock at the announcement before turning into a chorus of oohs mixed with applause.)

This is Richard Gere's first OYL Award nomination and win!

(Natalie hands Richard his award, which Richard gracefully accepts. He turns to the audience unsure of how to react but remains smiling as the audience applauds. After a few moments, Natalie leads Richard offstage as they exit stage right.)

A two-time OYL Award winner last year for Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Director for "Moonlight", Barry Jenkins!

(BARRY JENKINS enters stage right to a loud applause as he approaches the center stage podium.)

Thank you. I am here to present the Award for Best Director. There are ten incredible nominees that told stories of love, horror, injustice, activism, war, obsession, anguish, fear. Essentially creating emotions visually to tell the story, that's what we do, and these directors are all great at it. Here are the nominees.

Evgeny Afineevsky-"Cries from Syria"
Paul Thomas Anderson-"Phantom Thread"
Sean Baker-"The Florida Project"
Kathryn Bigelow-"Detroit"
Robin Campillo-"BPM (Beats Per Minute)"
Stephen Cone-"Princess Cyd"
Guillermo Del Toro-"The Shape of Water"
Luca Guadagnino-"Call Me By Your Name"
James Mangold-"Logan"
Jordan Peele-"Get Out"

And the OYL goes to...

(Opens envelope, smiles slyly)

Image result for guillermo del toro, the shape of water

(Alexandre Desplat's "The Shape of Water" plays as Guillermo slowly stands up as the audience applauds happily.)

This is Guillermo Del Toro's first win, one of three nominations he has tonight. He was earlier nominated for Best Original Screenplay and he's a nominee as a Producer, all for "The Shape of Water"!

(Barry hands Guillermo his award when he reaches center stage. The audience gives him a standing ovation which embarasses Guillermo, but he appreciates it. After a few moments, Barry guides Guillermo offstage as they exit stage right. Amy enters stage right and approaches the audience.)

Just to make this night as strange and bizarre as possible, to announce Best Picture, a nominee tonight for Best Character Voiceover, Narrative Voiceover or Alternative Performance for "David Lynch: The Art Life", David Lynch!

(DAVID LYNCH enters stage left to an unexpected ovation. He solemly approaches the podium at center stage.)

Thank you all, that's lovely. They asked me, to do a little work. I guess, they figured since I only do TV now, they might not get a chance to get me here again.

(Audience chuckles. David shrugs.)

That's my one joke they wrote for me. So, let's go over the nominee for Best Picture of the year, from two years ago.

(Audience chuckles slightly again.)

Coco-Pro.: Darla K. Anderson
Detroit-Pro.: Kathryn Bigelow, Mark Boal, Matthew Budman, Megan Ellison and Colin Wilson
The Florida Project-Pro.: Sean Baker, Chris Bergoch, Kevin Chinoy, Andrew Duncan, Alex Saks, Francesca Silvestri and Shih-Ching Tsou
Get Out-Pro.: Jason Blum, Edward H. Hamm, Jr., Sean McKittrick and Jordan Peele
The Insult-Pro.: Rachid Bouchareb, Jean Brehat, Charles S. Cohen, Julie Gayet, Antoun Sehnaoui and Nadia Turincev
Lady MacBeth-Pro.: Fodhla Cronin O'Reilly
Logan-Pro.: Simon Kinberg, Hutch Parker and Lauren Shuler Donner
Phantom Thread-Pro.: Paul Thomas Anderson, Megan Ellison, Daniel Lupi and JoAnne Sellar
Princess Cyd-Pro.: Stephen Cone, Madison Ginsberg and Grace Hahn
The Shape of Water-Pro.: J. Miles Dale and Guillermo Del Toro

(Drumroll starts)

And the award goes to....

(Opens envelope. Stares at it for a moment before chuckling slightly with a surprise look on his face.)

Oh man. Folks, you're not gonna believe this, but we have a TIE! 

(Drumroll suddenly stops, as the audience gasps in surprise and shock.)

So, the first winner, is "GET OUT". 

(Michael Abels's "Sikiliza Kwa Wahenga" plays as JASON BLUM, EDWARD H. HAMM, JR., SEAN MCKITTRICK and Jordan Peele all look around surprised and confused as they stand up and head towards the stage.)

This is Jason Blum, Edward H. Hamm, Jr.'s and Sean McKittrick's first wins and nominations. This is Jordan Peele's 3rd nomination and 2nd win tonight, winning for Best Original Screenplay and nominated for Best Director, all for "Get Out"!

(The four collect their awards from David as they turn to the applauding audience. They then move off to the side as David goes back to the podium as the music stops playing.)

And the second winner is, "THE SHAPE, OF WATER"!

(Alexander Desplat's "The Shape of Water" plays as Guillermo Del Toro re-enters the stage from stage right and J. MILES DALE stands up in the audience and quickly heads towards the stage.)

This is J. Miles Dale's first win and nomination. It's Guillermo Del Toro's second win tonight, he won earlier for Best Director and was nominated for Best Original Screenplay for "The Shape of Water".

(Guillermo and J. Miles got their OYLs from David and they turn towards the cheering audience as well. After a moment, all the Best Picture winning Producers are onstage and are applauded by the audiences. They all, slowly exit stage left. Amy is on stage right at the end.)

Alright, I'm told to mention that the Producers of this show, promise that next year, the Awards won't be this late! Then they all started talking about about how amazing this new TV show called "Breaking Bad" is, so....

(Slight audience chuckle Amy struggles to close the show as the Producers are still exiting the stage.)

...take that for what it's worth. Anyway, goodnight everyone! Stay safe!

(Outro music plays as the credits begin to roll and the audience slowly makes their way out.)

All votes are tabulations are done by the in-house accountants at David Baruffi's Entertainment Views and Reviews". The results of those tabulations are kept secret until the envelopes are opened at the night of the show.

Gift baskets provided to all presenters by:

(Commercials for Disney Plus, Hard Rock Hotel, Sirius XM Radio, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Lyft, Deja Vu Showgirls Topless Club, AMC Theaters, ExpressVPN, SeatGeek, Pinkberry Frozen Yogurt, the Church of Scientology, Station Casinos, the Tel Aviv Tourism Guild, Circle K, Ax Body Spray, and Crackle, we still apparently exist!)

LAWYER'S NOTE: David Baruffi's Entertainment Views and Reviews denies all knowledge and existence of the "One-Year-Later Awards". Also, they want to express very deeply how they deny the existence of donut-flavored unicorns-monkeys. Personally we're not sure why they insisted on denying this, but we're making sure that everyone is informed of that anyway. 

The OYL Awards is a David Baruffi's Entertainment Views and Reviews Productions.
In association with Midnight Green Studios

Distributed by Viacom.


Image result for Agnes Varda

Agnes Varda (1928-2019)

Image result for Roger Mainwood

Roger Mainwood (1953-2018)

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