Saturday, January 30, 2016



Director: Spike Jonze
Screenplay: Charlie Kaufman

After reading the script for “Being John Malkovich,” Catherine Keener reportedly called her agent and asked “Who the fuck is Charlie Kaufman and what the fuck is wrong with him.” (I have no idea what John Malkovich did after reading it.) Now, with “Adaptation,” “Human Nature,” “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind,” the Oscar-winning “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” and his masterful directorial debut “Synedoche, New York,” and his latest feature, “Anomalisa” we now know who Charlie Kaufman is, although we still have no idea what the fuck is wrong with him. 

Thank god we don’t by the way. His name only occasionally comes up among the best screenwriters around, The common links in his scripts involve such aspects as the inner workings of the human mind, and the need to blend fantastical and surrealistic comedic elements within a presumptive reality, and the reality itself will usually have surrealistic elements. He also peppers his films with surprising elaborate background details and lines that have greater meanings on multiple viewings. If nothing else, “Being John Malkovich,” distinguishes itself for being the first of his films, making it’s audacity and uniqueness fresh upon it’s original release, even in a year that included “Magnolia,” “American Beauty,” and “Three Kings,” “Being John Malkovich,” stood out as the most original film in decades.

The film begins with a fledgling puppeteer Craig, (John Cusack) who at the urging of his wife a pet shop owner named Lotte, (A nearly unrecognizable Cameron Diaz) gets a job as a speed filer on the 7 ½ floor of the Mertin-Flemmer building, where he quickly falls in unrequited love with Maxine (Oscar-nominated Keener).  It's about a half-hour into the film when Craig finds the elusive portal that makes you become John Malkovich (Himself, essentially) for fifteen minutes, before you’re thrown off onto the side of the Jersey turnpike. I fear revealing much more of the film for ruining the wonderful surprises Kaufman has planned for us. He’s noted for not following many of the rules of the typical Hollywood screenplay, which gives his films a more deconstructionist pattern, revealing the journey of the film to be bigger than the film itself. You can’t predict just what will happen next, or if anything will happen next in his films, and that’s just fine with Kaufman. It’s one thing when Lotte goes through Malkovich’s portal and realizes she a transsexual, it’s another when Malkovich goes through his own portal and…, well, again, let’s not reveal too much. 

The film earned Spike Jonze a Best Director Oscar-nomination, who at the time, and to some extent since, had remained mostly noted as a music video and short film director and has only rarely found his way into feature films, although his second collaboration with Charlie Kaufman, “Adaptation,” is truly a masterpiece, and he won an Oscar for writing his most recent feature, “Her”, which definitely feels as though it was at least, somewhat inspired by Charlie Kaufman’s ideas of human behavior.

Watching “Being John Malkovich” now, I realize the minor details of the film that make it funnier the more you watch, and for the incredible acting, particularly by John Malkovich, who in reality is playing many different characters, and all of them well. It’s a brave performance to a certain extent, having to not only play himself, (And yes, the name was in the script before he signed on, it wasn’t added later) but other characters in his own body. It’s a performance that is truly multi-layered in a film that’s about the many layers of John Malkovich.  Wait....?

Wednesday, January 27, 2016


Welcome to the final edition of my reveal of the My Top 100 Greatest TV Shows Ballot for Geekcast Radio Network's poll. This is it folks, the top 20. We've been counting down the Top 100 on my ballot that I submitted to Geekcast Radio Network's Top 100 TV Shows countdown. The podcasts revealing the full results are long over; I wish I could've published this more in tune to them, but if you want to compare with the complete results of the pool, the links to the sites are below.

Once again, thank you for Geekcast Radio Network for allowing me to participate. Remember, this is my ballot and MY BALLOT ONLY that I am revealing here, and I'm gone through detailing each of my selections, and choices on the blogpost at the links below, if you're just catching up now:

For now, before we reveal the Top 20, let's just recap one more time, the old-fashioned way:

100. St. Elsewhere  (NBC, 1982-'88)
99. Treme (HBO, 2010-'13)
98. The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (CBS, 2005-'14)
97. Grace Under Fire (ABC, 1993-'97)
96. Flip (aka "The Flip Wilson Show") (NBC, 1970-'74)
95. Broad City (Comedy Central 2014-Present)
94. Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 2003-Present)
93. The Office (UK, BBC2, 2001-2003)
92. The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show (CBS, 1950-'58)
91. Whose Line Is It Anyway (UK, Channel 4, 1988-'99)
90. The Odd Couple (ABC, 1970-'75)
89. Extras (BBC Two, 2005-'07, BBC One, 2007; HBO 2005-'07)
88. Boston Legal (ABC, 2004-'08)
87. That '70s Show (Fox, 1998-2006)
86. Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO, 2014-Present)
85. How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 2005-'14)
84. Rocky and His Friends (aka Rocky & Bullwinkle & Friends) (ABC, 1959-'61, NBC 1961-'64)
83. My World... and Welcome To It (NBC, 1969-'70)
82. The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 2007-Present)
81. Maverick (ABC, 1957-'62)
80. Will & Grace (NBC, 1998-2006)
79. The Golden Girls (NBC, 1985-'92)
78. Perry Mason (CBS, 1957-'66)
77. In Treatment (HBO, 2008-'10)
76. Barney Miller (ABC, 1975-'82)
75. The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show (CBS, 1983-'86)
74. Louie (FX, 2010-Present)
73. Family Ties (NBC, 1982-'89)
72. 3rd Rock from the Sun (NBC, 1996-2001)
71. Good Times (CBS, 1974-'79)
70. The Newsroom (HBO, 2012-'14)
69. Jeopardy! (Syndication, 1984-Present)
68. I Love Lucy (CBS, 1951-'57)
67. The Muppet Show (ITV, 1976-'81 [UK]; Syndication, 1976-'81, [U.S.])
66. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FX 2005-'12, FXX, 2013-Present)
65. Married... with Children (FOX, 1987-'97)
64. Dallas (CBS, 1978-1991)
63. Sex and the City (HBO, 1998-2004)
62. The Rockford Files (NBC, 1974-1980)
61. King of the Hill (FOX, 1997-2010, Syndication, 2010)
60. Late Night with Conan O'Brien (NBC, 1993-2009)
59. Lou Grant (CBS, 1977-'82)
58. Murphy Brown (CBS, 1988-'98)
57. The Colbert Report (Comedy Central, 2005-'14)
56. Northern Exposure (CBS, 1990-'95)
55. Dexter (Showtime, 2006-'13)
54. Friends (NBC, 1994-2004)
53. Your Show of Shows (NBC, 1950-1954)
52. Arrested Development (FOX, 2003-'06, Netflix, 2013-Present)
51. Star Trek: The Next Generation (Syndication: 1987-'94)
50. Parks and Recreation (NBC, 2009-'15)
49. Girls (HBO, 2012-Present)
48. Sports Night (ABC, 1998-2000)
47. The Sopranos (HBO, 1999-2007)
46. The Office (NBC, 2005-'13)
45. The X-Files (FOX, 1993-2002, 2016-?)
44. 30 Rock (NBC, 2006-'13)
43. Mad Men (AMC, 2007-'15)
42. The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour (CBS, 1967-'69)
41. ER (NBC, 1994-2009)
40. Get Smart (NBC, 1965-1969, CBS, 1969-1970)
39. WKRP in Cincinnati (CBS, 1978-1982)
38. Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (NBC, 2006-'07)
37. The Phil Silvers Show (oka "You'll Never Get Rich") (CBS, 1955-'59)
36. Dragnet (NBC, 1951-'59)
35. Sesame Street (NET, 1969-'70, PBS, 1970-2015,[Second run, 2016-Present,] HBO, 2016-Present)
34. Frasier (NBC, 1993-2004)
33. Six Feet Under (HBO, 2001-'05)
32. The Wonder Years (ABC, 1988-'93)
31. Family Guy (FOX, 1999-2003, 2005-Present)
30. Scrubs (NBC, 2001-'08, ABC, 2009-'10)
29. 24 (FOX, 2001-'10, 2014)
28. The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (NBC, 1962-'93)
27. L.A. Law (NBC, 1986-'94)
26. The Carol Burnett Show (CBS, 1967-'78)
25. Monty Python's Flying Circus (BBC1, 1969-'73; BBC2, 1974)
24. The Simpsons (FOX, 1989-Present)
23. Soap (ABC, 1977-'81)
22. The Bob Newhart Show (CBS, 1972-'78)
21. Coupling (BBC Two, 2000-'02, BBC Three, 2004)

Starting off the Top 20, a guy who I could've probably put him on here a few times actually, and it was actually a bit tricky determining which of his shows belong on the list. That said though, to really understand why and how important he is, we probably have to put this series of his, on the list, the highest and in-context.

20. Late Night with David Letterman (NBC, 1982-'93)

So you gotta remember with Johnny Carson, not only was he just dominate, there really wasn't any real competition to begin with; he destroyed Merv Griffith, her destroy Dick Cavett, and he had taken the show from New York to L.A. and he had shortened the show from an hour and a half to an hour, it might have even been two hours at one point, and that led to the extra of time available, so NBC had time after, and for awhile it was, just a regular, although good, interview show with Tom Snyder, but after that was done, and the thing is though, Carson, was of another era. He was classic, he idolized Jack Benny, he had Doc Severinson and this big bang orchestra, especially before MTV and cable really kicked, there is this giant sense that watching "The Tonight Show" and pretty much all talk shows, even if they had more modern guests on, we still felt like our grandparents generation were pretty much, still making television and ruling the Late Night scene. But, even as a kid, staying up late at night, watching "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson" and he was classic and smooth and perfect every time, and then, "Late Night with David Letterman" would come on, and it was clear that, "Okay, this guy, this guy was our time." He had "The World's Most Dangerous Band", he wasn't just, he was throwing watermelons off the roof, he was reading viewer mail, and throwing it into the streets; Johnny had Joan Embry from the San Diego Zoo, and Dave had Stupid Pet Tricks, hell, these all Top Ten Lists, he was making fun of them back then, and now,-, Thanks, Dave, now everybody makes them. It was sophmoric, but he was always apart of what's going on, but also outside of it as well. We think of him now, as the one who took over Carson's crown, more-or-less he actually did that, and even co-opted many of Carson's routine, with his permission, but without Letterman, who the hell knows where we'd be now. I mean, this whole era of the modern talk show, the challenging and changing of the format, and the breaking down of the conventions, that all goes to David Letterman, and in particular with "Late Night with David Letterman", 'cause that's really the show that changed everything.

In much the same way that Late Night was Carson's domain for decade, for much of television, the mystery series was also a dominant genre, and usually the main detective character for these shows, was, as it was parodied in "Network", a "Crusty but benign" detective, that solves a murder of the week. It felt wrong not to include one, although there were so many that most of them do sorta blend together, but even among that crowd, there's one character who stands out as the best television detective. Oh, and-eh, just one more thing, Ma'am....

19. Columbo (NBC, 1968-'78, ABC, 1989-2003)

It's actually hard to believe, but Peter Falk didn't always play Columbo, the character originated on an anthology series called "The Chevy Mystery Show" in 1960 and was played by Bert Freed, in a one-off role that was eventually adapted to a stage play and the role kinda got bounced around, with the eventual idea to have a regular series, and that started with a couple TV movies and then eventually the series and that's when Peter Falk eventually became the character. I think Hallmark Channel tried to bring this back at some point, but basically, NBC had this, Wheel Schedule, where they would alternate multiple series, each week, you had, "McCloud" and "McMillan and Wife", also, but honestly, I don't really think anybody ever brings those shows up anymore, they certainly were never memorable enough to bring back over a decade later as a series of television movies. You see, all the other detective, were trying to be, hip or had some kind of gimmick, even if it was just a lollipop, but with "Columbo", he would come in and you'd be like, "Wait, he's the detective?" It seems hard to believe now, now we watch "Columbo", waiting for that moment where "Columbo" enters and starts to break up everything, but it had to be pretty off-putting and confusing at the time. This little old Italian guy, would stumble in with a raincoat and, especially with all the killers being upper crust and sophisticated, you had this complete shift in class going on, on top of everything else. You see, every other detective, was a Whodunit, series, and the mystery would be, trying to figure out who killed the guy, but "Columbo" wasn't. You saw who did the crime already, "Columbo" was a howcatchem, it's a subtle difference, but it stands out, and it's actually a lot more difficult to pull off when you think about it. That's why, the great character he creates is so special and so highly regarded, because, it really is the highest level of acting to pull off. We care this character, with the made up family stories and the wife with no first name, and get those rich hypocritical rich snobs who think they're so much smarter than they are. There's a lot of cops and detectives, but of all the classic detective, "Lt. Columbo" is the standard.

Speaking of anthology series, this is one genre that's disturbingly lacking from my list. The fact is, I haven't seen most of them. It's a genre that really only recently, and not in it's original format. You see, while this is the only anthology series on my list, this was once upon a time a very prominent genre in the early days of television. Series like "Playhouse 90", "Kraft Television Theater" and "Studio One" where the hey-day of the teleplay, and names like William Rose, Paddy Chayefsky and the man who created this series ruled television. It's basically now an extinct genre, but they were basically television's version of a book of short stories, and while I myself, probably get more personal enjoyment out of "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" or even "Love, American Style" out of this genre, the predominant TV show that people really remember, is this one, and for good reason. Everybody has their favorite, what's yours?

18. The Twilight Zone (CBS, 1959-'64)

You can find someone who's never watched anything before 1997 on television, and that person will probably still have seen at least one episode of "The Twilight Zone". Rod Serling is basically a god-like name in horror and sci-fi circles, on the same line like Ray Bradbury and Philip K. Dick, and everybody has a favorite "The Twilight Zone" episode. It's kinda bizarre, it's basically the one anthology series that, pretty much universally, everybody loves as much as others love a serial series or a plot-driven series. It's actually kinda weird when you think about it, but that's how great the television show was, that people love it anyway. I know actors who always keep a random monologue or two from "The Twilight Zone" to memorized, I know people who know every single episode and the title and can recall each one. It's strange that so few shows like this have held up over time. You see people, every so often, try to bring back the anthology series, a new "The Twilight Zone" series, or "The Outer Limits", or "Tales from the Crypt" or something like that, but it never hold up. There's something about the black and white, the creepy song, the writing of the original, this is probably the one series from that era, that remains iconic because it belongs in that era, not because it can hold up now.

From a show that was a different story every episode, to a television series that told a single story over the entire arc of the series. Yeah, I know, that can technically apply to every series, but still, this is pretty unusual. Most series that show a character changing over time, usually is representative of an evolution of the show, and/or the writers, but occasionally, you get a show that starts a character one way, and then slowly but surely changes that character over time, and do it deliberately. That said, this is a tough arrow to thread, any change to big or ridiculous and a show can go from the biggest cult hit of the day to jumping the shark pretty quickly if they don't do it right, and do it the other way and you end up with something too boring that doesn't change quickly enough. That's the true reason why this show ranks so high on my list, threading that needle perfectly, over the entire series, and to keep to the plans that way, that's bold and just tough.

17. Breaking Bad (AMC, 2008-'13)

You know, ironically, the core of "Breaking Bad" is much simpler than it seems, it's basically, what do you do, what would you do, when you have nothing to lose. If there is no tomorrow. The only real difference is that, nobody actually counts on what happens to yourself after you decide to make that choice. It was somewhat unusual for television, to have this kind of arc, and Vince Gilligan, really wanted to explore that dynamic, of, basically what would happen if you saw a character change over the progression of a show, which isn't an unusual idea, but it is a bold one, changing a character over time from a good guy to a bad guy. What it really takes among everything else is skilled writing and acting. It's basically of what we've normally seen with television series, trying to keep character changes, subtle and minimal over time, to keep the dynamic of a series constant enough, what we have here with "Breaking Bad" is that, we get a severe change, and normally when that happens in a television show, it's just bad, and not really sensible, but the way it's done here, is that, he made the transition of a character, the actual show; that's the trick to why "Breaking Bad" remains held in such high regard, and why too many other shows that try this, even subtlely, even only within a grander narrative, come up short. Yeah, "Breaking Bad" does deserve all the credit and acclaim it's gotten, probably deserves more actually.

The creator of this show's has been involved with, probably with more shows that made this list than anybody. The first show he created was called "Room 222", one of the more realistic and believable dramedies in television and a rare great show that was based around a high school. If there is something that he's known for, and something that's severely lacking in a lot of modern sitcoms now, the emphasis on realism into comedy. Amazingly this show, isn't the highest-ranked of his series on the list, but it's still a great one.

16. Taxi (ABC, 1978-'82, NBC, 1982-'83)

There'd been workplace sitcoms before, but generally, they were, shows about the comedy of the workplace, or it was just, the setting of the main character's job, so everything revolved around it. "Taxi" is different though, this was really one of the first shows about throwing a bunch of random characters together by forcing them in a situation, except nobody wants to be in the situation. One of the great monologues in all of television, the first episode, Judd Hirsch, talking about everybody else has another job and he's the only cab driver in the place. This was sorta the first show that really was a collection of losers, just surviving. It doesn't hurt that it has some of the greatest casts of all-time on television. I mean, it's interesting, they didn't create a great main character and a bunch of caricatures surrounding them, they just created a bunch of great rich characters. James L. Brooks started as a journalist before going into television, and so he always slanted towards realism in television, in much the same way that Norman Lear tended towards hyper-realism, and his shows and then later the people who worked under him, always ended up in that direction, and "Taxi" in particular, was the genesis of "Cheers" which is where Glen & Les Charles got their start, and basically where "Taxi" left off. "Taxi"'s another show that kinda gets pushed aside and forgotten somewhat, partially 'cause ABC, really screwed up a bit and changed it's spot on the schedule, and it got lost in the schedule a bit, and that makes some people think the show kinda lost it's way after, but it's absolutely the opposite. This was a show that ended way too soon, it could've gone on, twice as long as it actually did, if it had it probably be, mentioned more immediately among the greatest television shows of all-time.

When "Taxi" was canceled by ABC, the cast reunited briefly on an episode of the number 15 series that eventually led to the series getting it's final year on NBC. It says something about the show that, that probably wouldn't rank among the Top 100 moments of this show's most memorable or greatest moments, and yes, you can make a Top 100 on just this show, many lists. We're not gonna settle any debates about the best of this show today, but it's importance and influence over all of the entertainment landscape, to say the least, cannot be understated. So, we'll say it as loudly as possible, "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"

15. Saturday Night Live (NBC, 1975-Present)

I mean there's television institutions and then there's television institutions, and "SNL" is, the-, there's nothing really truly greater. And again, like David Letterman, it was Johnny Carson's dominance, on NBC, for a decade, ten years, they would air "Best of Johnny Carson" every Saturday and Sunday Night, and Carson, eventually got frustrated, asking for time off, to put those shows, instead on during the week, so they had to come up with something else to put on the weekends. Lorne Michaels was not overly well-known at the time, he was a young writer for "Laugh-In" and done some sketch comedy shows on Canadian television and Dick Ebersol pulled him out of that, to create a young, hip series for today's youth, and it's still doing that. I don't know, exactly who figured it out, I think it was eventually Bernie Brillstein, who figured out that, the concept was the base because, people, didn't completely realize that for years. People forever talk about canceling the show, the show should never be cancelled, 'cause the great thing about the show is how, as one group of the next generation of comedians comes in, the next generation comes in and makes it all their own again. Think about that, it's one thing that we argue who the greatest cast was of "SNL", but we can argue about it? How many shows can you actually say that about? Not many. Especially sketch comedy, which is a genre that's notorious for short runs, "SNL", shows how and why it can continue to thrive like it has. "Saturday Night Live" is sketch comedy for a lot of people, and to some extent I have to agree. It was the link to the past and the present when it started, and today, it's the last vestige of classic sketch and the showcase for new sketch. "SNL" is the past, present and future of comedy in America.

Sketch comedy since "SNL" has basically been either influenced by "SNL" or in some cases been an alternative or rejection of "Saturday Night Live". In many ways, you can say pretty much the same thing about drama series, since this television show came on the air; which is in many ways, could consider the first modern drama series; it's certainly the first and probably the most influential cop drama series. And Hey, "Let's be careful out there."

14. Hill Street Blues (NBC, 1981-'87)

Hill Street Blues - Opening Credits by Erwin0468

If you're a cop drama of some kind, you're either stealing from "Dragnet" or you're stealing from "Hill Street Blues". It's pretty much that simple. "Hill Street Blues", was one of the really first, if not the first big, great ensemble drama. It's was basically, the new evolution of a police series at the time and we're still pretty much just remaking "Hill Street Blues". Pretty much, every possible storyline you can imagine in every cop show since, it was basically done in "Hill Street Blues" first. Even today, as good as say "Southland" was, it was almost point-by-point a remake of "Hill Street Blues" at times. Even Steven Bochco's "NYPD Blue" was just a grittier version of "Hill Street Blues", you see it everywhere, he copies his own show, everybody else copies "Hill Street Blues". The large, large ensemble cast of actors, a revolving cast,  great writing, great acting, characters who's lives at work are completely separate from their lives at home, and seeing them interfere, there's so much going on, so many characters; it creates this richer world. And still, anything can happen, you can have episodes, be fairly episodic in nature, where everybody's on their own stories, suddenly there's something happening that grabs everybody's attention; that's the great thing about having a show about cops, that they literally can go anywhere and do anything. Strangely, it's also a sad series. It's called "Hill Street Blues", not just because they're cops, it's about the perils and struggles of being a cop sometimes. There's great storylines, and yet, you can catch it anytime, be thoroughly entertained and engrossed into the world. If this was a list of the most influential shows of all-time, it might've ranked even higher on this list. We're gonna be stealing from "Hill Street Blues" for decades to come, and most people aren't even gonna realize it, and that's probably the saddest thing about the show, people don't realize how much the show still perpetuates the television landscape. Somebody wrote that when people watch the show now, they'll see it as a bunch of cliches, not realizing that they're only cliches now, 'cause they invented them.

Awhile back, Norman Lear was asked about modern television and somebody asked him what television shows on today does he think continue on in the traditions of socially confrontational and relevant television shows. I don't know what shows they thought he'd mention or hold up to his high acclaim and standard that he set for himself and television over the years, which includes shows like "All in the Family", "Good Times", "The Jeffersons", "Maude", "One Day at a Time", "Sanford & Son", to name a few, but I don't think they expected him to say this show, which ranks as the highest-ranked, animated, series on my list.

13. South Park (Comedy Central, 1997-Present)

It is amazingly how long and how funny, smart and downright twisted "South Park" not only was, but still is, even today. Trey Parker and Matt Stone, um, yeah, I-eh, I don't know how they do it. I mean, especially with the speed they do it, creating and airing an episode, basically in a week, and usually finding something in modern or pop culture to absolutely annihilate on every side. They're equal-opportunity offenders, and sometimes that can be a little frustrating, 'cause it can come off as nothing but cynicism at times, but they do it so well. It's almost self-satirical the structure of the show, the kids do or see something that spurs into a problem and then the adults try to fix it, it goes completely out of control, I mean, it's amazing how it, frankly still stays funny after all these years. This started out as a cut-and-paste animation short, that got passed around Hollywood, and eventually Comedy Central took a chance on them, and really, I know we talk a lot about how big HBO and Showtime and AMC and FX have made cable television the premium network, but Comedy Central, since "South Park" essentially, put them on the map and you could legitimately argue that that might even be bigger than all those other networks' rises to the mainstream. That begins with "South Park", taking the controversial animated-series for adults reign away from "The Simpsons" and they have never given it up. As long as "South Park" remains on the air, and constantly pulling back the curtain and sure enough, there'll be a shit joke there to mock us. Hell, the shit might even be talking to the foul-mouthed kids that we've been following most of our lives.

Parker and Stone have basically come up with "South Park" as an avenue to express themselves culturally, politically and most importantly comedically, however they do find outlets outside of their series as well, including movies and even the Broadway stage. That's actually kinda the opposite approach of the creator and star of the next show on the list had. He actually didn't want to do a television series, because he already had an outlet for his skills and comedy on the radio, and only reluctantly decided to do a television series after be given a then-unprecedented amount of control on his show.

12. The Jack Benny Program (CBS, 1950-'64, NBC, 1964-'65)

If you ever want to learn about comedy, just watch every episode of "The Dick Van Dyke Show" and "The Jack Benny Program" and you'll learn everything you ever need to know about comedy. Jack Benny, people don't realized, even under normal circumstances just how great a comic genius Jack Benny was. People know "The Carol Burnett Show" "Gone With the Wind" sketch, which is still the longest recorded laugh in television history, but it's not the longest in recorded history. That belongs to Jack Benny's radio show. Jack Benny's held up, and the guy's got a gun to him, and he goes, "You're money or you're life!", and then nothing, for what seems like minutes. It took, years, of Benny setting up his persona as a cheapskate to make that joke. Really, Jack Benny, basically adapted his radio show to live-action, but really, that could've been anything. Some weeks, it was a straight variety show, some weeks, it was a sitcom about the behind-the-scenes of the Variety show, sometimes it's part Variety, part Sketch, part sitcom, part dream sequence, part-whatever, he didn't care. He just did whatever he wanted to do as long as it was funny. That was all he cared about, not-to-mention, he's simultaneously by doing that, deconstructing a television show from inside out in the process, long before anybody else did that. It's hard to imagine it, but now we get people like Louis C.K. and Tina Fey and Lena Dunham who have 100% control over their shows and how they put them on and whatnot, but that a pretty new phenomenon, even by today's standards, but he had that kind of power back then. They basically begged Jack Benny to stay on TV, the first few years, he only did episodes, like six a year, at most, eventually it was a regular series, but that's how big Jack Benny was, and that was before television, just on the radio. If he actually devoted the time to television, for most of his career, we would probably put him on a higher plain than just, another of the great golden age comic performers; he wasn't one of them, he was the biggest name of the time.

There's a few reasons why there aren't nearly as many drama series on this list as their are sitcoms, for one thing, comedy is more memorable and viscerally recalled and remembered, even dramatic moments in comedy seem to rind more emotion than overly powerful moments in drama series. However, another reason is that, drama series, don't survive that strongly, not in our collective mindspace, but even more importantly, certainly not in reruns. They try, but even during the heydays of television dramas, they rarely if ever, found continued success in reruns. This show was actually created, with that in mind, as a way to create a drama series that would success in reruns, and boy was he right about this one.

11. Law & Order (NBC, 1990-2010)

Actually, "Law & Order" wasn't the first show to actually use this formula, it dates back to a rare series called "Arrest & Trial" that took the hour-long format and had the first half of the series be the investigation of a crime with the second half of the episode, being the prosecution of the crime. "Law & Order", was originally conceived by Dick Wolf, originally as a series that was to air for an hour regularly, but he was going to break it into two half-hour episodes, for reruns, figuring that the hour-long drama wasn't working in reruns, then, like "Dragnet" the half-hour sitcom would work. People would start watching one day and then see the second half the next day. Instead, what it proved that, the hour-long drama can work in reruns. "Law & Order", I think the punchline is "Ripped from the headlines", which it was, but you it was never that simple. "Dragnet" very literally often, would just tell the stories, very literally the way they happens, through the banalities, but "Law & Order", took great care in giving us good actors, and drama as well as enough twists to the original story that, oftentimes, only people who are old enough to even remember the stories wouldn't actually know what they were riffing off of. It was the stories that was the central theme, so you could have that great revolving door cast for most of the series, and the fact that, we didn't focus on the characters, made us care about them more, especially Jerry Orbach's part, most notably. We all have favorites, but you can basically watch the show at any time, and there's talk of bring it back, it's got multiple successful spinoffs, etc. etc. There's a reason that "Law & Order" tied "Gunsmoke"'s record, and it's lasted as a franchise, I mean, it's probably got almost, if not, more seasons of television as a franchise than "Star Trek" even. There will always be headlines and "Law & Order" as long as there's still stuff going on in the courtroom and on the street, it's the way we wish the police and the lawyers of the world did act in the world, and it's nice to think that sometimes.

There's eight sitcoms in my Top Ten and we're gonna begin with one of the most iconic collection of characters in television history. The feminist icon in the era of Women's Lib Movement, this show became political by simply, going out of it's way, ironically, to not be political at all.

10. The Mary Tyler Moore Show (oka Mary Tyler Moore) (CBS, 1970-'77)

Mary Tyler Moore Show Theme and Intro by bourbonblog

I don't think people watching "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" now, really understand how, groundbreaking the show was at the time. Now, we really just see, one of the funniest shows of all-time, but at the time, there weren't too many show about single working women, and the only other ones were, "That Girl" which was about a girl in a relationship, and "Julia" which was about a single working mother, but she was also a widow, and yes, the first series with an African-American female lead, but it didn't last that long."Mary Tyler Moore" was really the first one. I don't know quite how to explain it now, it's like if "Mad Men" were a comedy and from Peggy Olson's point of view. James L. Brooks had worked in television, so he set it at a local television station, and that was the beginning, of the series, arguably the greatest pilot episode of all-time. The greatest cast of all-time, I mean, this show had three pretty successful spinoffs, two of them as it was going on, and still, the show won the Emmy in it's last three seasons. This show arguably got better as it went on, the most famous episode the "Chuckles Bites the Dust" episode was in one of it's later seasons. Even before "All in the Family" this was the sitcom that really, it had some funny and goofy moments, but after decades of over-the-top ridiculousness of the comedy, we were just a couple years away from "Gilligan's Island" and "Bewitched" was still a top show, this was like, the first major sitcom that was a comedy and was specifically for adults. It dealt with, dating, it dealt with divorce, it dealt with homosexuality, it basically created a lot of characters that basically, we now think of as the signs of a depthful characters in sitcoms. They were peppered throughout the show. The series, could've been shown from any character's point of view and it would've been good, that's the great sign of a great show. It also ended, not because of ratings, but because they decided to. It was the first show to actually have an actual finale episode, even the best shows that never got that, they started great, ended great, and Mary Richards is the ultimate working girl, back when that was unusual. Now, it's,- you know, "30 Rock", but at the time, this was the premiere series and it deserved to be.

There's a few television series that began originally as sketches from other shows, but surprisingly that list is short. "Mama's Family" comes to mind, so did the British series "Absolutely Fabulous", but usually sketches rarely begin as the basis of future television series, but this spin-off actually originated as sketch on the Dumont Network series called "Cavalcade of Stars", and long continued in sketch form after the series ended for years. Those sketches were eventually brought together into half-hour forms and are now considered "Lost Episodes", while the episodes of the one season of television it ran as a sitcom, is now referred to as "The Classic 39".

9. The Honeymooners (CBS, 1955-'56)

It's startling how much "The Honeymooners" is still prevalent all throughout television. Basically any show with a big man protagonist with a young wife, usually one that's too pretty to ever actually be with him, is basically doing a modern version of "The Honeymooners". In many ways, this is simply, the blueprints for the sitcoms, the barest that's needed. You need a guy, a girl, a best friend, and something that 'causes somebody to overreact in some way, and we see them overreact and then, they get their comeuppance. It probably helps that the show started as a sketch, so that it was used to getting to things quickly and overreacting, but by the time they got to the Classic 39, they had evolved the characters and, actually it was a Top 20 hit at the time, I'm not quite sure why it didn't stay around longer, but Jackie Gleason, would keep the thing going through his numerous variety shows for years, although only when he had Art Carney to play Ed Norton. It's also so different from everything else of the fifties. It was gritty, it was poor, the apartment, it's basically a two-room apartment, with barely a kitchen, it was rural; in the era of the white picket fence shows, "The Honeymooners" still feels fresh. It's also still hilarious. Almost every sitcom has something in it that's inspired by "The Honeymooners" in some way. Times change now, sometimes it's the girl with the blue-collared job, sometimes it's not a blue-collar job, sometimes they're dating, sometimes they've had kids, but we're still catching up and trying to remake "The Honeymooners", sometimes more obviously than others. Hell, "The Flintstones" was blatantly an animated version of "The Honeymooners", "The Honeymooners" are everywhere. Still a great series.

While Mary Tyler Moore may have become a feminist icon, but a generation later, when this stand-up comic found her way onto the small screen, critics referred to the series and similar series that propped up as "Slob comedy", but arguably this show might still be considered the most realistic modern portrayal of a blue-collar family, comedy or drama, and the show constantly dared to cross the lines into realism.

8. Roseanne (ABC, 1989-'97)

Oh, boy, "Roseanne". You know, every time I hear people talk about, how a sitcom isn't believable if it has 3-cameras and is shot in front of a live audience, or whatever, that sitcoms don't depict real life believably, it's not that it's not believable, it's that most sitcoms don't try to be realistic. Roseanne Barr, was one of the great stand-ups of her day, as was very in-your-face about being a "domestic goddess", and really putting a face to this lower-middle class household, which, really, you hadn't seen much on television. There wasn't really a show about a working mother, who wasn't a widow, who wasn't also working and from the Dad's perspective, and the fact is that, they do this, with the absolute right person at the center, 'cause without Roseanne, I don't know how this should would've come out. I mean, this was a show, that was just brutal in reality. There's whole episodes where the electricity in the house is off, there's multiple characters going through multiple careers, there's realistic kids. There's whole episodes where Sara Gilbert's Darlene character, literally does nothing but sit on the couch watching television. This show, just knew, how to hit on reality, and then, just be unbelievably funny. I remember years after, every time I saw Laurie Metcalf in something, wondering why she was never playing somebody like Jackie on something else, but then I realized that, there aren't other character like that. You watch it now, and you realize, just how really great and subtle the show was. It's one of the first shows where I think about, how well a sitcom did, foreshadowing, episodes, sometimes a whole season or two in advance, they really kinda transformed a lot of what we think about with a sitcom. I still don't think, a lot of people realize just how great "Roseanne" is. This is the sitcom that I think most people who truly love sitcoms, wish that more sitcoms were like.

From one stand-up comedy completely changing the conventions of a genre, to another stand-up who completely changed the conventions of his genre. This genre, was probably a lot harder to change however, and while "Roseanne"'s impact may be more cerebral, than literal, this man's influence, we can already see, all over the television map. Literally, I can name at least six major television shows on now, or soon, that are direct influences of this series, even the best in the genre can't claim that.

7. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (Comedy Central, 1999-2015)

"The Daily Show" originated, as a replacement for Bill Maher's show "Politically Incorrect" which, people forget originated on Comedy Central, before it went to ABC, and the first few seasons were hosted by Craig Kilbourn, who had been a news anchor; he was a sports anchor on ESPN previously, and the show was fine, but it was basically just a straight parody of a news show, very much in the old SNL style, with occasionally some reporter segments, that weren't particularly beloved by the people working them. There were differences behind-the-scenes purportedly, 'cause there were people who wanted to do more sharper satirical work that was politically-motivated, but Kilbourn wanted a more host-based show. Eventually he left to do "The Late Late Show", and they then brought in Jon Stewart who had done a few well-liked talk shows before on MTV for instance, but honestly I distinctly remember thinking that that was probably the end of that series; it would be a barely remember relic of cable television in a few years, obviously, that's not what happened. Similar to what Johnny Carson did with "The Tonight Show", the show went from a show that was a stepping stone to fame to a show that was instead, the premiere Variety Series of all-time. It was, somewhat inevitable, that with the media becoming more and more, overbearing and one-sided that, something was gonna come on, and satirize it to death, but the distinctive thing was that, "The Daily Show" satirized it to the point where they basically turned into the news. It wasn't just the opening monologue at the beginning, recapturing the main news stories, "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" was the news for many people, and ironically it was more accurate and relevant than the actual broadcasts. They found a way to infiltrate multiple genres by exposing the bullshit for what it was, through the frame of comedy, and at a time, when we needed something like "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" they re-wrote the rulebook of the Variety-Talk format, probably forever, and thank Christ for Jon Stewart.

"The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" is the highest Variety show on my ballot. This show, in a way, was born out of the Variety show, one of the ones that made this list earlier in fact. It was created by one of the writers of that show and when it came time to write his own sitcom, he took the first rule of writing to heart, by just simply, writing what he knew.

6. The Dick Van Dyke Show (CBS, 1961-'66)

I think when you look back at television history, there's the very traditional family sitcoms most from the '50s and '60s and then, that all shifted in the '70s when you got the Norman Lear shows and "M*A*S*H" and "Mary Tyler Moore" and whatnot, and in-between there's a lot of mostly goofy shows that don't really hold up much nowadays. It's a lot more of the fifties that was already an aberration of the sitcom, and then there's a lot more "I Dream of Jeannie"'s and "Bewitched", but that said, if there is a sorta bridge show, between these two eras, it's "The Dick Van Dyke Show". The title's a bit of a misnomer, 'cause "The Dick Van Dyke Show" is actually the brainchild of Carl Reiner, who at the time was basically just a writer for Sid Caesar on "Your Show of Shows" and "Caesar's Hour", and when that ended, he did something, very shocking and unprecedented at the time, he didn't just write a pilot, he wrote about thirteen or so full episodes. He then, tried a pilot, and it didn't work, 'cause he had cast himself, but the scripts were good, and eventually, he got more talented people in there with Dick Van Dyke and eventually Mary Tyler Moore in the main show, and everybody else, it's just comedy gold. It was, sexier, it was more adult, than all those other shows, the comedy was sharper and wittier. It wasn't really about the kids, most of those shows we're either about the kids, and all the things they'd do, or it was a husband vs. wife, thing like "I Love Lucy", "The Dick Van Dyke Show" was always, "Two against the World," and all the struggles they go through, raising a kid, writing a TV show, etc. You watch it now, they had some great way-ahead-of-their-time ideas. They had flashbacks, they had dream sequences, they went into the surreal, I mean the episode with the walnuts alone, is just, incredibly funny, even today. There's episodes that satirize television and the trials of that, there's a lot of the techniques we think of now for modern shows, probably had a lot of their genesis with ideas from "The Dick Van Dyke Show". Consistently funny, all through it's run. This was the show that I think would lead to the more adult comedy series that came later, "The Dick Van Dyke Show" is really the one show that tried to explore all these ideas.

At #5 on the list, is the highest-ranked drama series on the list. So what does it take to be the best of a this genre to me? Well, as far as I'm concerned, you have to not only aim for the highest stakes, and you also have to succeed at them wildly, and what's a higher stakes than, being in charge and running the free world, without screwing it up of course.

5. The West Wing (NBC, 1999-2006)

To some respects, I look at most drama series today, and I'm usually unimpressed, 'cause I was spoiled by watching "The West Wing". Everything else seems unimpressive after that. Aaron Sorkin basically had over-written the script for "The American President" and he basically took most of that and redeveloped it into a television series, and it really was one of the first time we started associating a series with it's writer/creator. It's very rare that their actually was a writer for a series, usually there's a writer's room and a bunch of writers work on each script, and writers get assigned the episode they write, but Sorkin, wrote nearly every episode he worked on those series, and all the seasons he did write, they won the Emmy each year. No show, had a more distinctive voice. And yet, the show he created, was basically a workplace drama. The people, struggling to run the country, make the world work, the behind-the-sausages are being grinded, and yet, it's a very positive, human series.  A show about how fragile and human democracy actually is. It's the smartest show, maybe ever made on television, not just in poetic language, or in characters, too many shows are trying to talk down to the audience, "The West Wing" insisted you got up to them and kept up. Now I look at most other shows and wonder why they aren't trying to make their characters as smart, why they don't aim so high; honestly, no matter how great some of those other shows are in this supposed golden age of drama series, I feel like I'm being cheated. It aimed higher than anything before, and it dared to do it and boy it succeeded. It's so hard to find a show that means or feel like it's anything, much less feels like it's trying to achieve more than anything else.

There's a shortlist of television shows that we can honestly say changed television. Some of them changed the art form more than others, but you can honestly look at the history of television and separate it into two parts, before this show, and after this show.

4. All in the Family (CBS, 1971-'79)

The scary part is how "All in the Family" is still ahead of it's time. Norman Lear, had worked a bit in television before, but had switch to movies before he decided to adapt this British series called "'Til Death Do Us Part" and after three pilots, they finally got the greenlight to air "All in the Family". I mean, the long list of things that his shows and "All in the Family" in particular dealt with, head-on and somehow still managed to make funny, and not just funny, goddamn hilarious. It's one thing to create a show that's designed to satirize pop culture and politics and the culture at large, but the main thing about the show, is the family dynamic. It is called, "All in the Family", after all. And somebody said it correctly that, you can replace all of Archie's dialogue to Meathead with "I can't believe you married my daughter when you weren't capable of providing for her", and the show would still work. The characters are strong and rich enough on their own, that we can literally put them in all these unusual and amazing situations and see how they react because we want to be able to see how they react, and we want to see how they react. I mean, it's ahead of it's time, but in many ways it's specifically of it's time. I mean, the fact is, there aren't a whole lot of Archie Bunker's in the world to satirize, not the way Carroll O'Connor played them, and frankly the ones that are left, they're already jokes. You can't take them seriously in this modern world; we do live in a post-"All in the Family" world, so maybe we won't see satirical sharp comedy like this again, but that's probably a good thing, overall. The show is about, how these characters adapt and deal with the modern ever-changing world and of course, whether it's liberal or conservative, we're reluctant to the change at first and it takes a lot of getting used to; thankfully it's the process of getting used to it that, indeed can be funny.

"All in the Family"'s influence is probably unmistakable, but when we look at modern television landscape and the influence, it's hard to look at the show and really see it's influence in the television landscape, but this series however, you can basically trace nearly every sitcom back to something from this show.

3. Cheers (NBC, 1982-'93)

I know there's a lot of '80s nostalgia out there now, but people forget that it wasn't particularly great time. The economy was terrible, unemployment was terrible in some places, the AIDS epidemic was being ignored by the government, and it was pretty depressing most of it, and what do you do when you're depressed and worried about the next day. You go to a bar, makes perfect sense to me. The original idea for "Cheers" was that Sam & Diane, would eventually get together, but it would take a while, over the course of the series, and the sexually chemistry between them, while still being very much opposites to each other would be where the comedy comes. I mean, I know most people are thinking, isn't that the plot of every sitcom, and it is, now. It wasn't then. And yet, the show lost that dynamic and in some ways got arguably better. "Cheers" was created out of Burrows, and Glen & Les Charles after they worked on "Taxi", and in many ways this is another show, where there's just a collection of random characters, but there's so much more going on in "Cheers", and it continually evolved as it went on. This is a show that changed a lot over the years, it took the time to focus on new characters, give them incredible arcs; it's rare when shows can just add and subtract characters so easily and get us to love new ones. It went after a lot of the upper crust too, with the backstories with Rebecca Howe trying to sleep her way up to being rich, there's satirizing both the upper class snob, and the lower class chicanery, there's a lot of things they did that I generally think of as stuff that happened on like "Friends" or "Will & Grace", those later influential '90s sitcoms. "Cheers" truly is probably the prototype that most sitcoms, either should be, or shows that they want to be.

"Cheers" is the ideal prototype sitcom, no doubt about that, I'd argue that nearly every sitcom on television now, you can probably trace it's main influences through "Cheers" somewhere. That said, the shows that aren't influenced in some way by "Cheers", they're probably more influenced by this show.

2. Seinfeld (NBC, 1989-'98)

There's always been this idea of taking a really good stand-up comic and then taking their persona and try to turn that into a sitcom, there's some great ones too, and I don't think anybody would thought, that "Seinfeld", that that would be the one that really took over, and it didn't seem like it would at first. It took two years from the first pilot 'til the point 'til it actually got a full season of episode. It just kept sticking around and then people started watching this pilot called "The Seinfeld Chronicles" and loving it. Basically it was Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, who created this series, basically out of their own conversations. It's amazing how much from "Seinfeld" has worked it's way into the Lexicon. There's like nine references from "The Contest" episode alone, but it's like everything from "Seinfeld" just gets called and recalled. I don't know how they did it, how they just were able to masterfully click so many things into our subconscious it's just amazing and surreal. Doing that once, is amazing, doing it time and time and time and time again, sometimes in it's prime, it was every episode. It's just bizarre. Maybe it is that, this is one of the first really big popular sitcoms about some pretty horrendous characters when you think about it. Arguably you can watch this show and think Kramer is the nice one that we're supposed to care about. It's basically the idea of how a stand-up comic gets his jokes; it's not really about nothing, but it is pretty close at times, just an absurdism for the sake of absurdism. It's almost surreal. It's takes a stand-ups perspective to come up with a show like this, to look at the world differently, and take a look at the sitcoms in a way that nobody had before. I mean, this is a show that took the stand-up formula, decided to sorta, tilt it completely sideways, and upside down.

Only one show left. What show actually ranks number one on my list. Well, just like "The West Wing" with drama series, when we're talking about as far as I'm concerned, you have to not only aim for the highest stakes, and you also have to succeed at them wildly, and what's a higher stakes than, depicting the perils and viciousness of the worst of humanity, in the middle of a war, and make it a comedy.

1. M*A*S*H (CBS, 1972-'83)

I know it's a bit cliche, but "M*A*S*H" is number one. I mean, how can it not be? I think you can legitimately make the argument that the TV show "M*A*S*H" is arguably the greatest depiction of Hell, ever put in literature, arguably "M*A*S*H" and Dante's Inferno. of course, "M*A*S*H" originated as a feature film, which itself was already fairly episodic, so it wasn't too surprising to find that it worked as a television show, but I don't think it would work this well but Larry Gelbart was on the writers in the legendary Sid Caesar writer's room, and he was the one who began adapting it to television, and later Alan Alda would take over and that was supposedly when the show became more serious, but it was always a severe mix of comedy and drama, serious drama. It was the first time a character actually died on television and depressed the hell out of everybody, and like "Cheers" it also got the ability to remain relatively good by adding characters and having characters evolve over time. I know that seems like a weird thing to say, but you go back in time, you don't actually see it often or as much before, where characters, especially in sitcoms would go from point A. to, maybe not point Z, but maybe point B, it was actually pretty odd. Even when Lucy had her kid, you didn't really see her change too much, it was about what situation she gets herself into. "M*A*S"H", wasn't about that. It was about, finding comedy as a way deal with the torture of pain and hell. I mean, yeah, there's the Vietnam parable at the time, but nobody watches shows like "Combat" or "12 O'Clock High" anymore, maybe 'cause they were dramas, but even the military comedies were, even the best were basically extended version of the "Humor in Uniform" section of the Reader's Digest, not "M*A*S*H". "M*A*S*H" was a funny-as-hell show about having to go through Hell by trying to be funny, and mostly, sadly, most of the characters don't even succeed at that. The war effected nearly everyone. I think in many of the same ways, "M*A*S*H" has effected everyone as well. The last episode of the series was inevitably defeated in ratings by a Super Bowl, but those Super Bowls were watched by less a 1/3 of the country, 2/3 of America watched the last episode of "M*A*S*H"; that'll never happen again, and not just because there's more television shows now, but because there will probably never be another "M*A*S*H".

There you have it Everyone. This was my ballot. Any thoughts questions, why'd I put that one, or not that, let me know in comments, and let me know what you think. Either way, I hope you enjoyed it. Goodnight Everyone.

Saturday, January 23, 2016


Welcome to the 5th Annual OYL Awards!

I enter stage left to applause from the audience.

Thank you. Um, thanks. Yeah, we're-eh, we're definitely downplaying the One-Year-Later Awards this year. We were going to have Will Ferrell host this year, as some of you know, but we just kept on delaying and delaying the show and it just got a little ridiculous, so we canceled him. I know, it's bizarre to say that we're very late this year, because we're already a year-late, but, yeah, this was not planned this year. We were gonna do a big spectacular, we were gonna change the design of the website, we were gonna..- we had a lot of big ideas, but life got in the way. And, frankly, we're just keeping it low-key. And, on top of all the other problems, honestly, not you guys, but a lot of movies, really sucked last year. You guys we're all good, but still. Well, not you Hoyte.

(Slight laugh)

I mean, you we're good, but yeah, "Interstellar", eh not that good. Yeah, we're late this year, and we're a little frustrated and bitter, to be frank. This was the first year the blog devoted a whole post to the Worst Films this year, we usually just shove that at the bottom of the Best of the Year blogpost, like when you shove those oversize pieces of food into the garbage disposal when you're done with the dishes.

(Slight laughs)

But not this time. This was not a good year overall. But, let's talk about what did get nominated, which was mostly the same three people from South Korea, Canada and Argentina.

(Slight laugh)

Yeah, Xavier Dolan and Kim Ki-Duk, each received five nominations this year, for their films "Mommy" and "Moebius". "Mommy" is about a single mother who's struggling to deal with her out-of-control teenager, while "Moebius" is about an out-of-control mother, who, overreacted a bit regarding her son.


To the nine people who saw both films, that joke is hilarious. Foreign films did really well this year actually. there are four foreign movies nominated for Best Picture, foreign language films, ten nominees in Foreign Language Films, three films from Japan got into that category, the most from one country, ever. Two foreign films got into Animated Feature, both from Japan. Oh, one from Ireland, but we don't count that as Foreign.


Here's a weird stat, the Swedish film, "We Are the Best!", got into Best Adapted Screenplay, but didn't get into Best Foreign Language film. There were at least, ten Foreign Language Films, better than it, but Adapted Screenplays, what the hell happened?! No wonder, the Oscars moved "Whiplash" into your category, they needed to fill it up! Good lord.


There's a lot of weird stats this year, only two of the Best Picture Oscar nominees got into Best Picture here, that was "Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)" and "Boyhood". Congratulations to them.

(Cheers, applause)

Two great movies. Two amazing filmmaking accomplishments. Also, Andy Serkis is here tonight, the first nominated for the same role in two different movies, and in two different categories, he's up for Lead Actor for "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" this year.


He's you're go-to guy, for anything onscreen, that requires an actor, but doesn't actually require us to look at him.

(Slight laughs)

Yeah, I hated that joke too. Sorry about that. Sorry, Andy we love you. We love you a lot more than we love documentaries this year, what the hell happened?


We usually fill out that category, ten documentaries, nine documentaries a year, hell, sometimes documentaries sneak into other categories here, this year, only FIVE! We have ten of almost everything else, but documentaries, we said, "Eh, that's enough this year." What happened there? We made room to give Costume Design nominations to the Jimi Hendrix biopic nobody saw, but couldn't find space for extra documentaries this year?!


First time we're giving out the Best Costume Design category this year. Yeah, let's cheer for that.


Also, the first time, we're giving out separate Awards for both Best Casting and Best Ensemble Performance. We usually shoved those two together before, but we decided collectively to change that. There's other weird nominations as well, for instance an animated film, "How to Train Your Dragon 2" got into Production Design, the first time ever, than an animated film got into that category, congratulations to them.


That's a little unfair though. Most of the rest of the nominees, had to build a set, build the props, find the props, remake it so that it looked good, and you just diddled on a computer until everything looked good. I'm not saying it's easier or harder, but one guy has to draw everything out, then make sure it's all done correctly, and you basically, played with a mouse.

(Slight laughs, mostly silence)

I know, I'm dying up here, but yeah. Listen, let's get to the Awards tonight, and finally put an end to 2014, as we go on and start celebrating 2015 movies in 2016, alright?

(Cheers, applauds)

Alright let's do that! Our first presenter won the One-Year-Later Award for Best Supporting Actor last year for "Nebraska" and this year, he's making dozens of people laugh by trying to have a successful television show on a basic network.


I'm kidding, television isn't dying, streaming's just a fad. The Golden Globes meant nothing. (Eye roll)


Ladies, and Gentleman, Mr. WILL FORTE!

(Awards music plays as WILL FORTE enters stage right and approaches the podium as I walk off to the side)

Huh, making fun of me, the guy who still writes a blog, instead of vlog, okay.

(Huge laughs)

Alright, we'll see. This year's category for Best Supporting Actress was surprisingly diverse. A single mother struggling with raising a growing teenage boy, a single mother, struggling with a troubled daughter while suffering her own illness, a teacher who struggles being apart of a troubled family, a young starlet on the rise, willing to do anything to succeed, a quiet wife of a tortured artist, a drug-addict daughter of a troubled actor, a bridezilla who explodes on her wedding, a wife and mother, who's just as much a criminal as the underground figures her husband deals with, and a femme fatale, who walks into a P.I.'s life, and starts him off a crazy and labyrinthian maze through L.A. corruption. Here are the nine nominees for Best Supporting Actress

(Video clip package plays of each nominees when they're names are announced)

Patricia Arquette-"Boyhood"
Marion Bailey-"Mr. Turner"
Jessica Chastain-"A Most Violent Year"
Suzanne Clement-"Mommy"
Laura Dern-"Wild"
Erica Rivas-"Wild Tales"
Saxon Sharbino-"Trust Me"
Emma Stone-"Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)"
Katherine Waterston-"Inherent Vice"

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Rips open envelope.)

Ah, there we go. and the Award goes to PATRICIA ARQUETTE for "Boyhood"!

("Hero" by Family of the Year plays as PATRICIA ARQUETTE gets up and walks onstage. Will Forte presents her the Award as she approaches)

This is the first win and nomination for Patricia Arquette!

(She turns to the audience, mouths Thank you, and slightly half-waves, before exiting stage right with Will)

A four-time OYL-Award nominee, and a two-time winner as a member of the Cast of "Midnight in Paris" and for Best Actress for "Rust and Bone" and a nominee tonight for Best Actress for "The Immigrant", MARION COTILLARD!

(Marion Cotillard enters stage left as Will and Patricia exit, and walks towards the podium to applause.)

It is my honor, to present the first ever One-Year-Later Award for Best Costume Design. The nominees had to create amazing costumes for worlds as wide-ranging as 1800s England, 1970s Los Angeles and everywhere in between it seems. Here are the ten nominees, the maximum, for Best Costume Design:

Belle-Anushia Nieradzik
Big Eyes-Colleen Atwood
The Grand Budapest Hotel-Milena Canonero
The Immigrant-Patricia Norris
The Imitation Game-Sammy Sheldon Differ
Inherent Vice-Mark Bridges
Jimi: All is By My Side-Leonie Prendergast
Magic in the Moonlight-Sonia Grande
Mr. Turner-Jacqueline Durran
Selma-Ruth E. Carter

And the One-Year-Later Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)


("Mr. Moustafa" by Alexandre Desplat plays as MILENA CANONERO stands up and approaches the stage. There's a large ovation as she heads to the podium where Marion hands her her award.)

This is Milena Canonero's first ever win and nomination.

(Milena turns and acknowledges the audience before her and Marion exit stage right.)

A four-time nominee, including a nominee tonight for Supporting Actress for "A Most Violent Year", Jessica Chastain!

(JESSICA CHASTAIN enters stage left right as Marion and Milena exit stage right and approaches the podium)

Yeah, I already congratulated Patrica backstage. We all knew she was winning again.

(Slight laughs from the audience)

Whether it requires going out onto the streets or on a stage, Cinematography is important. It's always the first chapter in every film textbook for a reason, while a director may place a camera somewhere, it is the guy running it, and setting up the lights, making sure that what's in the frame actually comes out as close to the Director's vision as possible. Here are the ten nominees this year, for Best Cinematography

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)-Emmanuel Lubezki
The Grand Budapest Hotel-Robert D. Yeoman
The Immigrant-Darius Khondji
Inherent Vice-Robert Elswit
Interstellar-Hoyte van Hoytema
Locke-Haris Zambarloukos
Moebius-Kim Ki-Duk
Mr. Turner-Dick Pope
Unbroken-Roger Deakins
Under the Skin-Daniel Landin

And the OYL Award goes to.

(Opens envelope)

Oh, what a surprise, Chivo won again. Emmanuel Lubezki for "Birdman..."!

("Get Ready" by Antonio Sanchez begins to play as EMMANUEL LUBEZKI gets up and walks up to the stage)

This is the third nomination and the second consecutive One-Year-Later Award win for Emmanuel Lubezki in the Best Cinematography category. He previous won last year for Best Cinematography for "Gravity" and he was previously nominated for Best Cinematography for "To the Wonder".

(Jessica hugs Emmanuel as she hands him his award. He turns and acknowledges the audience before he and Jessica exit stage right. I walk back onstage)

Okay, just so we're clear, the continued running jokes are, we don't have winners getting speeches, and we still haven't designed an actual award. Okay, to announce the Award for Best Animated, a three-time, including a nominee tonight for Lead Actor for "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes", Andy Serkis!

(Award music plays as Andy Serkis enters stage left and approaches the podium, as the audience applauds)

Thanks. I'm here, to announce the award for Best Animated Feature, because, I'm nominated this year, so they figured I'd present it.


They don't really know what to do with this category most years. Anyway, animation this year has never been more inventive and the wide array of nominees this year, tell stories involving, dragons, fairies, ghosts, a girl who's birthed from a bamboo, and even, popular building toys. The award is presented to the film's Directors and Producers, here are the five nominees for Best Animated Feature:

How to Train Your Dragon 2-Director: Dean Deblois; Producer: Bonnie Arnold
The LEGO Movie-Directors: Phil Lord & Christopher Miller; Producers: Roy Lee and Dan Lin
A Letter to Momo-Director: Hiroyuki Okiura; Producers: Keiko Matsushita, Motoki Mukaichi and Arimasa Okada
Song of the Sea-Director/Producer: Tomm Moore; Producers: Claus Toksvig Kjaer and Paul Young
The Tale of the Princess Kaguya-Director: Isao Takahata; Producers: Yoshiaki Nishimura and Seiichiro Ujiie

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

"The Tale of the Princess Kaguya"!

("Sprout" by Joe Hisaishi plays as ISAO TAKAHATA, and YOSHIAKI NISHIMUA  get up and approach the stage)

These are the first wins and nominations for Producers Yoshiaki Nishimura and Seiichiro Ujiie and for Director Isao Takahata. Isao Takahata is also nominated tonight for Best Foreign Language Film for "The Tale of the Princess Kaguya"!

(The team from "The Tale of the Princess Kaguya approach and gets handed their awards from Andy. They turn to the audience to a big ovation, including a few people standing. They exit stage right.)

Nominees last year for Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress, and OYL Award Winners last year as part of the Ensemble Cast for "12 Years a Slave", Chiwetel Ejiofor and Lupita N'yongo!

(CHIWETEL EJIOFOR and LUPITA N'YONGO enter stage left and approach the podium to wide applause and acclaim.)

For the first time, the One-Year-Later Awards have chosen to separate the Casting Ensemble category, in honor to more appropriately honor the two separate and distinguish arts of Casting and Ensemble Performance by a Cast.

The award for the Best Casting is awarded to the film's Casting Director. If one isn't listed, the award goes to Producers or Executive Producers. There are nine nominees for Best Casting and the nominees are....

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)-Casting by Francine Maisler
Boyhood-Casting by Beth Sepko
Foxcatcher-Casting by Jeanne McCarthy
The Grand Budapest Hotel-U.S. Casting by Douglas Aibel, U.K. Casting by Jina Jay
Inherent Vice-Casting by Cassandra Kulukindis
It Felt Like Love-Casting by Henry Russel Bergstein
R100-Casting by Masunobu Motokawa
Selma-Casting Aisha Coley
Wild Tales-Casting by Javier Braier

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Chiwetel opens the envelope)

Selma, Casting by Aisha Coley!

("Glory" by John Legend ft. Common plays as Aisha Coley, somewhat surprised, stands up and heads towards the stage)

This is the first win and nomination for Aisha Coley!

(Lupita hands Aisha her Award. Aisha turns towards the audience, smiling proudly before she walks off, exiting stage right. Chiwetel and Lupita approach the podium again.)

There's ten casts, the maximum, nominated for Best Ensemble Performance, the nominees are:

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Force Majeure
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Love is Strange
Wild Tales

An the OYL Award for Best Ensemble Performance goes to....

(Lupita opens the envelope)


("Get Ready" by Antonio Sanchez plays, as some of the cast to "Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)" takes the stage. They turn to the rousing audience before they all exit stage left.)

A five-time nominees, including a nominee three times tonight, as members of the Ensemble Casts of "The Grand Budapest Hotel" and a winner tonight as apart of the ensemble for "Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) as well as a nominee for Best Supporting Actor for "Birdman...", EDWARD NORTON!

(Edward Norton enters stage right, joining the rest of his cast, as they hug and handshake each other, while Norton makes his way to the podium and the cast exits stage right.)

Wow, that was unexpected. Thank you. Alright, back to the show. There are ten nominees, the maximum, this year for Best Production Design, here are the nominees:

Belle-Production Design: Simon Bowles; Set Decoration: Tina Jones
Big Eyes-Production Design: Rick heinrichs; Set Decoration: Craig Lewis and Shane Vieau
The Grand Budapest Hotel-Production Design: Adam Stockhausen; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock
How to Train Your Dragon 2-Production Design: Pierre-Olivier Vincent
The Imitation Game-Production Design: Maria Djurkovic; Set Decoration: Tatiana Macdonald
The Immigrant-Production Design: Happy Massee; Set Decoration: David Schlesinger
A Most Violent Year-Production Design: John P. Goldsmith; Set Decoration: Melanie J. Baker
Mr. Turner-Production Design: Suzie Davies; Set Decoration: Charlotte Watts
Selma-Production Design: Mark Friedberg; Set Decoration: Elizabeth Keenan
Unbroken-Production Design: Jon Hutman; Set Decoration: Lisa Thompson

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Oh, the other movie I was in won, "The Grand Budapest Hotel", Adam Stockhausen and Anna Pinnock!

("Mr. Moustafa" by Alexandre Desplat plays as ADAM STOCKHAUSEN and ANNA PINNOCK stand up and approach the stage.)

These are the first nominations and wins for both Adam Stockhausen and Anna Pinnock!

(Adam and Anna hug Edward as they both collect their awards. They turn to the audience before exiting stage right.)

Congratulations. For those keeping count, that's 2 for "Birdman..." and two for "Budapest Hotel", so, it's probably between those two for Picture.

(Audience laughs)

Wait, what? "The Grand Budapest Hotel" didn't get int Picture? Wow, so that would be a hell of an upset then, wouldn't it? Too late, to place a bet in Vegas, yeah, probably is.-

(Audience laughs)

How about Gold Derby, are they still open? Probably, anyway. Haha, it's funny, 'cause Gold Derby doesn't make odds for us. To present the One-Year-Later Award for Best Editor,  a two-time nominee and last year's winner for "The Wolf of Wall Street", and a legend in Editing, the first editor to ever present an OYL Award, ladies and gentleman, Thelma Schoonmaker!

(Award music plays and shocking the audience, THELMA SCHOONMAKER enters stage left and approaches the podium to a standing ovation!)

Oh, thank you, thank you.

(Audience sits down as music stops)

It's my honor to present the Award for Best Editing. There are ten nominees, the maximum amount, and they are:

Boyhood-Sandra Adair
Edge of Tomorrow-James Herbert and Laura Jennings
The Grand Budapest Hotel-Barney Pilling
Locke-Justine Wright
Moebius-Kim Ki-Duk
Mommy-Xavier Dolan
Nightcrawler-John Gilroy
Whiplash-Tom Cross
Wild-Martin Pensa and John Mac McMurphy (aka John-Marc Vallee)
Wild Tales-Pablo Barbieri Carrera and Damian Szifron

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Sandra Adair, for "Boyhood"!

("Hero" by Family of the Year plays as Sandra Adair stands up and approaches the stage, slightly shocked by her win.)

This is the first win and nomination for Sandra Adair!

(Sandra receives the OYL Award from Thelma and turns to the cheering crowd. Then, both of them head off, exit stage right. I'm clapping them off as they head off. After a few moments, nothing happens, and I'm standing alone, on the stage. I look over towards both the right and left entrances, but nothing happens. There's some sporadic laughs from the audience.

(After a some prolonged uncomfortable seconds)
Excuse me a minute.

(I head off stage, stage left)


I enter the backstage area. ANNOUNCER is there.

Hey, uh, what's going on?

Nothing why?

Um, I'm waiting for you to announce the presenter of the Documentary Award.

And I will, as soon as I find out who it is.

(Sporadic laughs, pause)

I forgot to pick a presenter for the award, didn't I?


Seems that way.

Um, hold on...-

(I look through a list of people that's on Announcer's table.)

How about him?

He didn't come.

Okay, her.

She's not here either.

What about him?

He's a nominee in the category.

Right, um, him.

He died like eight months ago.


You didn't here?

No. Okay, we gotta get the show going, so just pick somebody who's here at random.

At random?

Yeah, just pick somebody.

(I leave and head back onto the stage. Announcer leans up to the microphone)

To present the award for Best Documentary
(Close his eyes and points onto the list)
OYL-Award nominee tonight, for Best Actress for "Obvious Child", Jenny Slate!


(Award music plays, and JENNY SLATE, is spotted in the audience, and pretty much stunned, and dumbfounded. I'm over encouraging, and clapping for her to get up.)

Jenny, c'mon, you missed your cue, c'mon.

(Jenny stands up and heads towards the stage, Audience is cheering and laughing. I'm close by, meeting her as she gets up.

What am I doing?

Just, get to the podium, and read from the teleprompter.

(Jenny moves towards me podium on the side of the stage.)

No, go to that one, see?

The one in the middle.

(I take her to the podium, Award music ends)

Okay, and there's the teleprompter, just read what it says.

Just read that.

Yeah, just read that.

(Looking confused, speaking phonetically)
It is amazing, the kinds of real-life, drama that can come, from making documentaries, as I, Insert Presenter's Name Here, would know.


And so do the filmmakers, behind these five films, which tell the stories, of soldiers in a warzone, a film critic's amazing life, a former Secretary of Defense's own words, a whistleblower forced to leave his country while fighting to make it better, and a movie that was never made. Wait, a movie about a movie that was never made?

ME (O.S.)
Stick to the script! No improv-ing!

Oh-kay, sorry!

(Audience laughter)

The award is given to the film's directors and producer, here are the five nominees, for Best, Documentary.
(Turns to Me)
I'm not reading all those name, there better be a package...-

Citizenfour-Director/Producer: Laura Poitras; Producers: Mathilde Bonnefoy and Dirk Wilutzky
Jodorowsky's Dune-Director/Producer: Frank Povich; Producers: Stephen Scarlata and Travis Stevens
Korengal-Director: Sebastian Junger; Producer: Nick Quested
Life Itself-Director/Producer: Steve James; Producers: Garrett Basch and Zak Piper
The Unknown Known-Director/Producer: Errol Morris; Producer: Amanda Branson Gill, Ali El Chami and Robert Fernandez

And the One-Year-Later Award goes to, Presenter opens envelope?

(I come running onstage, from stage left, with the appropriate envelope, and hand it to Jenny. Audience laughing)


(I run offstage, as though I'm trying not to be seen.)

Always nice to have the envelope
(As opening envelope)

And the OYL Award goes to... Jodorowsky's Dune!

(A slight gasps waves across the audience, as FRANK PAVICH, STEPHEN SCARLATA and TRAVIS STEVENS, eventually stand up and head towards the stage.)

These are the first nominations and wins for Director Frank Pavich and Producers Stephen Scarlata and Travis Stevens!

(The three collect their awards from Jenny and turn towards the audience, before heading off, stage right. I'm onstage, clapping.)

Yes, that was great. Just like in rehearsal, we didn't actually not have anything planned there, we just acted like we didn't. Yeah, that's what happened.

(Audience laughing)

To present the award for Best Supporting Actor, a five-time OYL Award nominee, and last year's winner for Best Supporting Actress for "American Hustle", and according to some reports, she's apparently a fairly big movie star, ladies and gentlemenen, Ms. Jennifer Lawrence!

(Awards music plays as JENNIFER LAWRENCE enters stage left to a rousing ovation. She approaches the podium, awards music and ovation ends.)

A father, dealing with being separated from his young boy, a father reunited with his grown-up kid in the last place either would want to be, a gangster trying to keep manipulate the system to keep open a bar, an aging mobster, who would rather be at home with his grandkids then deal with the acts of petty thieves, a legendary wrestler caught in a deadly situation, a POW officer making sure a situation is as deadly for everyone, an eccentric actor causing chaos onstage and off, and a music teacher who's method may or may not have gotten lost in his madness. These are the characters portrayed by the eight nominees for Best Supporting Actor. The nominees are....

James Gandolfini-"The Drop"
Andy Garcia-"Rob the Mob"
Ethan Hawke-"Boyhood"
Ben Mendelsohn-"Starred Up"
Edward Norton-"Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)"
Mark Ruffalo-"Foxcatcher"
J.K. Simmons-"Whiplash"

And the OYL Award goes to....

(Opens envelope, slight pause)

J.K. Simmons, "Whiplash"!

(Hank Levy's "Whiplash" plays as J.K. Simmons humbly gets up and heads to the stage, along with a rousing audience ovation.)

This is J.K. Simmons first win and nomination!

(He gets the award from Jennifer, and turns to the audience. He mouths, "Thank you" real quick before exiting stage right.)

To announce the award of Best Foreign Language Film, a nominee last year for Best Supporting Actress for "Blue is the Warmest Color" and a nominee tonight as a member of the Ensemble Cast of "The Grand Budapest Hotel", Lea Seydoux!

(LEA SEYDOUX enters stage right to applause as she approaches the podium)

Merci. Trying to fight a corrupt local government, a story of a princess who wishes to find her true birthplace, a film director making a disturbing friend with a convict, a relationship between a child and his nanny, a family at odds, after a near-death experience, a family that becomes physically wounded after an affair is revealed, two families struggling to deal with the realities that their kids were switched at birth, and an anthology of stories of irony, and confrontation, and a story of a man who's want of sexual desire leads to disastrous results. These are the ten nominees, the maximum, for Best Foreign Language Film. The award goes to the films' directors. The nominees are....

Abuse of Weakness-Catherine Breillat (France)
Force of Majeure-Ruben Ostlund (Sweden)
Ilo Ilo-Anthony Chen (Singapore)
Leviathan-Andrey Zvyagintsev (Russia)
Like Father, Like Son-Hirokazu KOREEDA (Japan)
Moebius-Kim Ki-Duk (South Korea)
Mommy-Xavier Dolan (Canada)
R100-Hitoshi Matsumoto (Japan)
The Tale of the Princess Kaguya-Isao Takahata (Japan)
Wild Tales-Damian Szifron (Argentina)

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Wild Tales!

(DAMIAN SZIFRON's surprised by his win as "Relatos Salvajes" by Gustavo Santaolalla begins to play. The crowd also reacts with some shock, but mostly applause as Damian inevitably makes his way towards the stage)

This is the first win for Director Damian Szifron, who's also nominated for tonight for Editing, Directing and Writing all for "Wild Tales". This is the first film from Argentina to be nominated for Best Foreign Language film, and the first win ever in the category for a South American film.

(Lea hands Damian the award, he shyly turns to the crowd, holding up the award before he and Lea exit stage right.)

Presenting the award for Best Adapted Screenplay, a 3-time OYL Award nominee last year, for Director and Picture and last year's winner for Best Original Screenplay for "Her", Spike Jonze!

(Spike Jonze enters from stage right to audience applause and he approaches the podium)

There are seven films nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay, representing films that were adapted from everything from novels, to comic books, to short films, Here are the nominees for Best Adapted Screenplay:

The Imitation Game-Graham Moore
Inherent Vice-Paul Thomas Anderson
Still Alice-Richard Glatzer & Wash Westmoreland
Under the Skin-Walter Campbell & Jonathan Glazer
We are the Best!-Lukas Moodysson
Whiplash-Damian Chazelle
Wild-Nick Hornby

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Nick Hornby for "Wild"!

(First Aid Kit's "Walk Unafraid" plays as NICK HORNBY, accompanied with a few loud shriek-like cheers, gets up, and approaches the stage.)

This is Nick Hornby's first win and nomination!

(Nick gets up and accepts the award from Spike, before turning to the audience, and the ovation, and then heads off, exiting stage right, Spike showing him the way to go.)

A four-time OYL Award nominee, including a double-nominee tonight as a member of the Ensemble Cast and for Best Supporting Actor for "Boyhood", one of last year's winners of the award for Best Adapted Screenplay for "Before Midnight", Ethan Hawke!

(Ethan Hawke enters stage right to rousing applause as he approaches the podium)

Yeah, Julie's not here tonight. Sorry.

(Audience chuckles)

There are ten nominees, the maximum in the category of Best Original Screenplay, the nominees are....

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)-Alejandro G. Inarritu, Nicolas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris & Armando Bo
Boyhood-Richard Linklater
Force Majeure-Ruben Ostlund
The Grand Budapest Hotel-Wes Anderson, Story by Wes Anderson and Hugo Guiness
The LEGO Movie-Phil Lord & Christopher Miller; Story by Dan Hageman & Kevin Hageman and Phil Lord & Christopher Miller
Moebius-Kim Ki-Duk
Mommy-Xavier Dolan
Nightcrawler-Dan Gilroy
Selma-Paul Webb
Wild Tales-Damian Szifron

and the One-Year-Later Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Ruben Ostlund for "Force Majeure"!

(After a few moments of delay, Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" plays, as Ruben Ostlund, has gotten up and is heading to the stage)

This is Ruben Ostlund's first OYL Award. He was nominated earlier tonight for Best Foreign Language Film, and he's also nominated tonight for Best Director, all for "Force Majeure".

(Ethan hands Ruben his OYL Award, he turns to the audience and pauses for a moment, before he and Ethan head off, exiting stage right. I'm back on the stage)

Okay, we're almost half-way through.


I'm kidding, we're getting there. To present the OYL Award for Best Actor, a nominee tonight as a member of the Ensemble Cast of "Wild" and last year's winner of the Best Actress award for "Crystal Fairy and the Magical Cactus and 2012", the only movie that we've honored with a longer and more ridiculous title than "Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)", ladies and gentleman, Gaby Hoffman!

(GABY HOFFMAN enters from stage left, and approaches the podium, to loud applause.)

Thank you. A Priest on his last days, a son teetering on the edge of sanity, an actor struggling to put on his comeback performance, a former actor-turned-agent, trying to make a star out of his new client, a father trying to love his child after realizing the one he'd been raising wasn't his, a father, trying to tie up loose ends while he's driving off to his child's birth, a hotel owner trying to bring order to chaos, a chimpanzee leading an army into a war, and an artist who keeps his personal and professional lives discreetly quiet. These are the ten nominees, the maximum, for Best Actor, and they are....

Ralph Fiennes-"The Grand Budapest Hotel"
Masaharu Fukuyama-"Like Father, Like Son"
Brendan Gleeson-"Calvary"
Clark Gregg-"Trust Me"
Jake Gyllenhaal-"Nightcrawler"
Tom Hardy-"Locke"
Michael Keaton-"Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)"
Antoine-Olivier Pilon-"Mommy"
Andy Serkis-"Dawn of the Planet of the Apes"
Timothy Spall-"Mr. Turner"

And the One-Year-Later Award goes to....

(Struggles at first, but opens the envelope)

Hold on, I'm getting it. Wow.
(Slight pause)
Clark Gregg for "Trust Me"!

(A wave of surprised gasps come over the audience as "Howard's Wings" by Mark Killan plays. Surprised, CLARK GREGG takes a moment before standing up and walking towards the stage.)

This is Clark Gregg's first win and nomination. With this win, he has become the first actor to win an OYL Award, who directed himself.

(Clark gets up onstage and gets his award from Gaby, thanking her as he shyly turns to the audience, holding up his award. He and Gaby then exit stage right.)

A five-time OYL Award nominee, including last year's winner for Best Actor for "The Wolf of Wall Street", Leonardo DiCaprio!

(A rousing ovation for Leonardo as he enters stage left and approaches the podium. He waits for the applause to calm down before speaking.)

A young girl exploring her sexual desires to the addicting fullest, a teenage girl who offers herself to grab the attention of young boys, a young stand-up comic dealing with her upcoming abortion, a mother struggling with taking care of a son who's problems are out of her depth, a dual-performance as both a vengeful mother and a disturbingly maternal mistress, a woman who's mind's quickly and suddenly escaping her, a woman who's run away from her life, only to create a bigger mystery about her, a young woman, who runs to find herself by hiking across the country, a young woman who heads across the woman to brutal treatment in America, and a film director who gets conned by a felon she thought of a friend. These are the amazing ten performances, the maximum, that are nominated for Best Actress. The nominees are....

Marion Cotillard-"The Immigrant"
Anne Dorval-"Mommy"
Isabelle Huppert-"Abuse of Weakness"
Lee Eun-Woo-"Moebius"
Stacy Martin-"Nymphomaniac: Vol. 1"
Julianne Moore-"Still Alice"
Gina Piersanti-"It Felt Like Love"
Rosamund Pike-"Gone Girl"
Jenny Slate-"Obvious Child"
Reese Witherspoon-"Wild"

And, the OYL Award, goes to

(Opens envelope)

Julianne Moore, "Still Alice"!

(Ilan Eshkari's "L.A. Drive" plays as JULIANNE MOORE, gets a rousing ovation, as she stands up and heads towards the stage.)

This is Julianne Moore's fifth OYL Award nomination and first win. She was previously nominated for Best Actress for "The Kids Are All Right" and for Supporting Actress for "What Maisie Knew" as well as nominations as members of the Casting Ensembles of "Crazy, Stupid, Love" and "What Maisie Knew".

(Leonardo graciously hand Julianne her award. She turns to the audience, which is now a standing ovation. She acknowledges them for a moment, but then quickly exits stage right.)

A four-time OYL Award nominee and one of last year's winners for Best Director, for "Gravity", Alfonso Cuaron!

(ALFONSO CUARON enters stage left to a rousing ovation as he approaches the podium.)

Thanks. There are ten nominees, the maximum, this year for Best Director, here are the nominees....

J.C. Chandor-"A Most Violent Year"
Xavier Dolan-"Mommy"
Richard Glatzner & Wash Westmoreland-"Still Alice"
Jonathan Glazer-"Under the Skin"
Alejandro G. Inarritu-"Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)"
Kim Ki-Duk-""Moebius"
Steven Knight-"Locke"
Richard Linklater-"Boyhood"
Ruben Ostlund-"Force Majeure"
Damian Szifron-"Wild Tales"

(Alfonso begins opening envelope)

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Finishes opening envelope)

Richard Linklater, for "Boyhood"!

("Hero" by Family of the Year plays as RICHARD LINKLATER stands up to wild applause and heads towards the stage.)

This is Richard Linklater's third win, and counting his nominations tonight for Writing and Producing "Boyhood", his sixth nomination. He won last year as a Writer and Producer for "Before Midnight".

(The audience stands and applauds as Alfonso hands Richard his award. He turns to acknowledge the audience before he and Alfonso exit stage right. I'm back on stage.)

Well, I got nothing left to add, to present Best Picture, last year's other winner of Best Director for "The Wolf of Wall Street", and a four-time OYL Award nominee and we knew who he is, ladies and gentlemen, Martin Scorsese!

(MARTIN SCORSESE enters stage left to another huge standing ovation as he approaches the podium)

Thank you,
(Motioning with his hands to sit down)
Thanks you. Alright, Here we go folks, here are the ten nominees for Best Picture!

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)-Producers: Alejandro G. Inarritu, John Lesher, Arnon Milchan and James W. Skotchdopole
Boyhood-Producers: Richard Linklater, Jonathan Sehring, John Sloss and Cathleen Sutherland
Force Majeure-Producers: Katja Adomeit, Erik Hemmendorff and Marie Kjellson
Moebius-Producer: Soon-Mo Kim
Mommy-Producers: Xavier Dolan and Nancy Grant
A Most Violent Year-Producers: J.C. Chandor, Neal Dodson and Anna Gerb
Still Alice-Producers: James Brown, Pamela Koffler and Lex Lutzus
Under the Skin-Producers: Nick Wechsler and James Wilson
Wild-Producers: Bruna Papandrea, Bill Pohlad and Reese Witherspoon
Wild Tales-Producers: Agustin Almodovar, Pedro Almodovar, Esther Garcia, Matias Mosteirin and Hugo Sigman

(Drumroll starts)

And the One-Year-Later Award for Best Picture, goes to....

(Opens envelope, slight pause)


("Hero" by Family of the Year" plays again. Richard Linklater enters from stage right, still holding the OYL he just won, as JONATHAN SEHRING, JOHN SLOSS and CATHLEEN SUTHERLAND stand up and head to the stage to meet him.)

These are producers Jonathan Sehring, John Sloss and Cathleen Sutherland's first OYL Award wins and nominations. This is now Richard Linklater's 4th total win, and his second consecutive win for Best Picture, winning last year as a Producer on "Before Midnight"!

(They all hug as they get onstage and Martin hands each of them their OYL Awards. They turn to the loud ovation from the audience for a few moments, before exiting stage right.)

That's it, Everyone, we'll try to do better next year. Goodnight!

(Award show music plays off as the credits begin to roll.)

All vote tabulations are done by the in-house accountants at "David Baruffi's Entertainment Views and Reviews". The results of those tabulations are kept secret until the envelopes are opened on the night of the awards.
Some departing nominees will receive consolation prizes, provided by:

(Commercials for ACT mouthwash, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Station Casinos, Deja Vu Adult Emporium, Vapor, TMZ, and Dixie Elixirs.)

LAWYER'S NOTE: "David Baruffi's Entertainment Views & Reviews" denies all existence and knowledge of the "One-Year-Later Awards" and disputes any/all claims of certain bribery, blackmail, racketeering, kidnapping, cyberterrorism, and illegal distributions of electric chair parts and therein contributaries through the U.S. mail, in regard to the awards themselves and any subsequent parallel activities, potentially concerning, but not limited to activities regarding, potential sponsors, publishers, producers, studio executive, performers, members of the American Cinema Editors, and/or Amy Pasquale. We also deny any references/findings for us found, supposedly in the leaks Sony emails and/or memos. All celebrities appearances at the awards are fictitious, and we make no claims of forcing them to appear, through blackmail or kidnapping techniques in collusion with or without the assistance of members of the National Enquirer staff.

The OYL Awards is a "David Baruffi's Entertainment Views and Reviews" production.
In association with Midnight Green Studios
Distributed by Desilu


James Gandolfini (1961-2013)
OYL AWARD NOMINEE-Best Supporting Actor-"The Drop"

Richard Glatzer (1952-2015)
OYL AWARD NOMINEE-Best Adapted Screenplay-"Still Alice"
OYL AWARD NOMINEE-Best Director-"Still Alice"

Seiichiro Ujiie (1926-2011)
OYL AWARD WINNER-Best Animated Feature-"The Tale of the Princess Kaguya"