Saturday, January 23, 2016

THE 5TH ANNUAL ONE-YEAR-LATER AWARDS! HONORING THE BEST IN CINEMA FROM THE YEAR BEFORE LAST! Presented by David Baruffi's Entertainment Views and Reviews".

(Announcer)
Welcome to the 5th Annual OYL Awards!

I enter stage left to applause from the audience.

(ME)
Thank you. Um, thanks. Yeah, we're-eh, we're definitely downplaying the One-Year-Later Awards this year. We were going to have Will Ferrell host this year, as some of you know, but we just kept on delaying and delaying the show and it just got a little ridiculous, so we canceled him. I know, it's bizarre to say that we're very late this year, because we're already a year-late, but, yeah, this was not planned this year. We were gonna do a big spectacular, we were gonna change the design of the website, we were gonna..- we had a lot of big ideas, but life got in the way. And, frankly, we're just keeping it low-key. And, on top of all the other problems, honestly, not you guys, but a lot of movies, really sucked last year. You guys we're all good, but still. Well, not you Hoyte.

(Slight laugh)

I mean, you we're good, but yeah, "Interstellar", eh not that good. Yeah, we're late this year, and we're a little frustrated and bitter, to be frank. This was the first year the blog devoted a whole post to the Worst Films this year, we usually just shove that at the bottom of the Best of the Year blogpost, like when you shove those oversize pieces of food into the garbage disposal when you're done with the dishes.

(Slight laughs)

But not this time. This was not a good year overall. But, let's talk about what did get nominated, which was mostly the same three people from South Korea, Canada and Argentina.

(Slight laugh)

Yeah, Xavier Dolan and Kim Ki-Duk, each received five nominations this year, for their films "Mommy" and "Moebius". "Mommy" is about a single mother who's struggling to deal with her out-of-control teenager, while "Moebius" is about an out-of-control mother, who, overreacted a bit regarding her son.

(Laughs)

To the nine people who saw both films, that joke is hilarious. Foreign films did really well this year actually. there are four foreign movies nominated for Best Picture, foreign language films, ten nominees in Foreign Language Films, three films from Japan got into that category, the most from one country, ever. Two foreign films got into Animated Feature, both from Japan. Oh, one from Ireland, but we don't count that as Foreign.

(Laughs)

Here's a weird stat, the Swedish film, "We Are the Best!", got into Best Adapted Screenplay, but didn't get into Best Foreign Language film. There were at least, ten Foreign Language Films, better than it, but Adapted Screenplays, what the hell happened?! No wonder, the Oscars moved "Whiplash" into your category, they needed to fill it up! Good lord.

(Laughs)

There's a lot of weird stats this year, only two of the Best Picture Oscar nominees got into Best Picture here, that was "Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)" and "Boyhood". Congratulations to them.

(Cheers, applause)

Two great movies. Two amazing filmmaking accomplishments. Also, Andy Serkis is here tonight, the first nominated for the same role in two different movies, and in two different categories, he's up for Lead Actor for "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" this year.

(Cheers)

He's you're go-to guy, for anything onscreen, that requires an actor, but doesn't actually require us to look at him.

(Slight laughs)

Yeah, I hated that joke too. Sorry about that. Sorry, Andy we love you. We love you a lot more than we love documentaries this year, what the hell happened?

(Laughs)

We usually fill out that category, ten documentaries, nine documentaries a year, hell, sometimes documentaries sneak into other categories here, this year, only FIVE! We have ten of almost everything else, but documentaries, we said, "Eh, that's enough this year." What happened there? We made room to give Costume Design nominations to the Jimi Hendrix biopic nobody saw, but couldn't find space for extra documentaries this year?!

(Laughs)

First time we're giving out the Best Costume Design category this year. Yeah, let's cheer for that.

(Laughs)

Also, the first time, we're giving out separate Awards for both Best Casting and Best Ensemble Performance. We usually shoved those two together before, but we decided collectively to change that. There's other weird nominations as well, for instance an animated film, "How to Train Your Dragon 2" got into Production Design, the first time ever, than an animated film got into that category, congratulations to them.

(Laughs)

That's a little unfair though. Most of the rest of the nominees, had to build a set, build the props, find the props, remake it so that it looked good, and you just diddled on a computer until everything looked good. I'm not saying it's easier or harder, but one guy has to draw everything out, then make sure it's all done correctly, and you basically, played with a mouse.

(Slight laughs, mostly silence)

I know, I'm dying up here, but yeah. Listen, let's get to the Awards tonight, and finally put an end to 2014, as we go on and start celebrating 2015 movies in 2016, alright?

(Cheers, applauds)

Alright let's do that! Our first presenter won the One-Year-Later Award for Best Supporting Actor last year for "Nebraska" and this year, he's making dozens of people laugh by trying to have a successful television show on a basic network.

(Laughs)

I'm kidding, television isn't dying, streaming's just a fad. The Golden Globes meant nothing. (Eye roll)

(Laughs)

Ladies, and Gentleman, Mr. WILL FORTE!

(Awards music plays as WILL FORTE enters stage right and approaches the podium as I walk off to the side)

WILL
Huh, making fun of me, the guy who still writes a blog, instead of vlog, okay.

(Huge laughs)

Alright, we'll see. This year's category for Best Supporting Actress was surprisingly diverse. A single mother struggling with raising a growing teenage boy, a single mother, struggling with a troubled daughter while suffering her own illness, a teacher who struggles being apart of a troubled family, a young starlet on the rise, willing to do anything to succeed, a quiet wife of a tortured artist, a drug-addict daughter of a troubled actor, a bridezilla who explodes on her wedding, a wife and mother, who's just as much a criminal as the underground figures her husband deals with, and a femme fatale, who walks into a P.I.'s life, and starts him off a crazy and labyrinthian maze through L.A. corruption. Here are the nine nominees for Best Supporting Actress

(Video clip package plays of each nominees when they're names are announced)


BEST SUPPOTING ACTRESS
Patricia Arquette-"Boyhood"
Marion Bailey-"Mr. Turner"
Jessica Chastain-"A Most Violent Year"
Suzanne Clement-"Mommy"
Laura Dern-"Wild"
Erica Rivas-"Wild Tales"
Saxon Sharbino-"Trust Me"
Emma Stone-"Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)"
Katherine Waterston-"Inherent Vice"

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Rips open envelope.)

Ah, there we go. and the Award goes to PATRICIA ARQUETTE for "Boyhood"!



("Hero" by Family of the Year plays as PATRICIA ARQUETTE gets up and walks onstage. Will Forte presents her the Award as she approaches)

ANNOUNCER
This is the first win and nomination for Patricia Arquette!

(She turns to the audience, mouths Thank you, and slightly half-waves, before exiting stage right with Will)

A four-time OYL-Award nominee, and a two-time winner as a member of the Cast of "Midnight in Paris" and for Best Actress for "Rust and Bone" and a nominee tonight for Best Actress for "The Immigrant", MARION COTILLARD!

(Marion Cotillard enters stage left as Will and Patricia exit, and walks towards the podium to applause.)

MARION
It is my honor, to present the first ever One-Year-Later Award for Best Costume Design. The nominees had to create amazing costumes for worlds as wide-ranging as 1800s England, 1970s Los Angeles and everywhere in between it seems. Here are the ten nominees, the maximum, for Best Costume Design:


BEST COSTUME DESIGN
Belle-Anushia Nieradzik
Big Eyes-Colleen Atwood
The Grand Budapest Hotel-Milena Canonero
The Immigrant-Patricia Norris
The Imitation Game-Sammy Sheldon Differ
Inherent Vice-Mark Bridges
Jimi: All is By My Side-Leonie Prendergrast
Magic in the Moonlight-Sonia Grande
Mr. Turner-Jacqueline Durran
Selma-Ruth E. Carter

And the One-Year-Later Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

"THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL", Costumes by MILENA CANONERO



("Mr. Moustafa" by Alexandre Desplat plays as MILENA CANONERO stands up and approaches the stage. There's a large ovation as she heads to the podium where Marion hands her her award.)

ANNOUNCER
This is Milena Canonero's first ever win and nomination.

(Milena turns and acknowledges the audience before her and Marion exit stage right.)

A four-time nominee, including a nominee tonight for Supporting Actress for "A Most Violent Year", Jessica Chastain!

(JESSICA CHASTAIN enters stage left right as Marion and Milena exit stage right and approaches the podium)

JESSICA CHASTAIN
Yeah, I already congratulated Patrica backstage. We all knew she was winning again.

(Slight laughs from the audience)

Whether it requires going out onto the streets or on a stage, Cinematography is important. It's always the first chapter in every film textbook for a reason, while a director may place a camera somewhere, it is the guy running it, and setting up the lights, making sure that what's in the frame actually comes out as close to the Director's vision as possible. Here are the ten nominees this year, for Best Cinematography


BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)-Emmanuel Lubezki
The Grand Budapest Hotel-Robert D. Yeoman
The Immigrant-Darius Khondji
Inherent Vice-Robert Elswit
Interstellar-Hoyte van Hoytema
Locke-Haris Zambarloukos
Moebius-Kim Ki-Duk
Mr. Turner-Dick Pope
Unbroken-Roger Deakins
Under the Skin-Daniel Landin

And the OYL Award goes to.

(Opens envelope)

Oh, what a surprise, Chivo won again. Emmanuel Lubezki for "Birdman..."!


("Get Ready" by Antonio Sanchez begins to play as EMMANUEL LUBEZKI gets up and walks up to the stage)

ANNOUNCER:
This is the third nomination and the second consecutive One-Year-Later Award win for Emmanuel Lubezki in the Best Cinematography category. He previous won last year for Best Cinematography for "Gravity" and he was previously nominated for Best Cinematography for "To the Wonder".

(Jessica hugs Emmanuel as she hands him his award. He turns and acknowledges the audience before he and Jessica exit stage right. I walk back onstage)

ME
Okay, just so we're clear, the continued running jokes are, we don't have winners getting speeches, and we still haven't designed an actual award. Okay, to announce the Award for Best Animated, a three-time, including a nominee tonight for Lead Actor for "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes", Andy Serkis!

(Award music plays as Andy Serkis enters stage left and approaches the podium, as the audience applauds)

ANDY
Thanks. I'm here, to announce the award for Best Animated Feature, because, I'm nominated this year, so they figured I'd present it.

(Laughs)

They don't really know what to do with this category most years. Anyway, animation this year has never been more inventive and the wide array of nominees this year, tell stories involving, dragons, fairies, ghosts, a girl who's birthed from a bamboo, and even, popular building toys. The award is presented to the film's Directors and Producers, here are the five nominees for Best Animated Feature:


BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
How to Train Your Dragon 2-Director: Dean Deblois; Producer: Bonnie Arnold
The LEGO Movie-Directors: Phil Lord & Christopher Miller; Producers: Roy Lee and Dan Lin
A Letter to Momo-Director: Hiroyuki Okiura; Producers: Keiko Matsushita, Motoki Mukaichi and Arimasa Okada
Song of the Sea-Director/Producer: Tomm Moore; Producers: Claus Toksvig Kjaer and Paul Young
The Tale of the Princess Kaguya-Director: Isao Takahata; Producers: Yoshiaki Nishimura and Seiichiro Ujiie

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

"The Tale of the Princess Kaguya"!

("Sprout" by Joe Hisaishi plays as ISAO TAKAHATA, and YOSHIAKI NISHIMUA  get up and approach the stage)

ANNOUNCER:
These are the first wins and nominations for Producers Yoshiaki Nishimura and Seiichiro Ujiie and for Director Isao Takahata. Isao Takahata is also nominated tonight for Best Foreign Language Film for "The Tale of the Princess Kaguya"!

(The team from "The Tale of the Princess Kaguya approach and gets handed their awards from Andy. They turn to the audience to a big ovation, including a few people standing. They exit stage right.)

ANNOUNCEMENTS
Nominees last year for Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress, and OYL Award Winners last year as part of the Ensemble Cast for "12 Years a Slave", Chiwetel Ejiofor and Lupita N'yongo!

(CHIWETEL EJIOFOR and LUPITA N'YONGO enter stage left and approach the podium to wide applause and acclaim.)

CHIWETEL
For the first time, the One-Year-Later Awards have chosen to separate the Casting Ensemble category, in honor to more appropriately honor the two separate and distinguish arts of Casting and Ensemble Performance by a Cast.

LUPITA
The award for the Best Casting is awarded to the film's Casting Director. If one isn't listed, the award goes to Producers or Executive Producers. There are nine nominees for Best Casting and the nominees are....


BEST CASTING
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)-Casting by Francine Maisler
Boyhood-Casting by Beth Sepko
Foxcatcher-Casting by Jeanne McCarthy
The Grand Budapest Hotel-U.S. Casting by Douglas Aibel, U.K. Casting by Jina Jay
Inherent Vice-Casting by Cassandra Kulukindis
It Felt Like Love-Casting by Henry Russel Bergstein
R100-Casting by Masunobu Motokawa
Selma-Casting Aisha Coley
Wild Tales-Casting by Javier Braier

CHIWETEL
And the OYL Award goes to...

(Chiwetel opens the envelope)

Selma, Casting by Aisha Coley!



("Glory" by John Legend ft. Common plays as Aisha Coley, somewhat surprised, stands up and heads towards the stage)

ANNOUNCER
This is the first win and nomination for Aisha Coley!

(Lupita hands Aisha her Award. Aisha turns towards the audience, smiling proudly before she walks off, exiting stage right. Chiwetel and Lupita approach the podium again.)

CHIWETEL
There's ten casts, the maximum, nominated for Best Ensemble Performance, the nominees are:


BEST ENSEMBLE PERFORMANCE
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
Boyhood
Force Majeure
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Love is Strange
Moebius
Mommy
Selma
Wild
Wild Tales

LUPITA
An the OYL Award for Best Ensemble Performance goes to....

(Lupita opens the envelope)

Birdman....!


("Get Ready" by Antonio Sanchez plays, as some of the cast to "Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)" takes the stage. They turn to the rousing audience before they all exit stage left.)

ANNOUNCER
A five-time nominees, including a nominee three times tonight, as members of the Ensemble Casts of "The Grand Budapest Hotel" and a winner tonight as apart of the ensemble for "Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) as well as a nominee for Best Supporting Actor for "Birdman...", EDWARD NORTON!

(Edward Norton enters stage right, joining the rest of his cast, as they hug and handshake each other, while Norton makes his way to the podium and the cast exits stage right.)

EDWARD
Wow, that was unexpected. Thank you. Alright, back to the show. There are ten nominees, the maximum, this year for Best Production Design, here are the nominees:


PRODUCTION DESIGN
Belle-Production Design: Simon Bowles; Set Decoration: Tina Jones
Big Eyes-Production Design: Rick heinrichs; Set Decoration: Craig Lewis and William Reyes Jr.
The Grand Budapest Hotel-Production Design: Adam Stockhausen; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock
How to Train Your Dragon 2-Production Design: Pierre-Olivier Vincent
The Imitation Game-Production Design: Maria Djurkovic; Set Decoration: Tatiana Macdonald
The Immigrant-Production Design: Happy Massee; Set Decoration: David Schlesinger
A Most Violent Year-Production Design: John P. Goldsmith; Set Decoration: Melanie J. Baker
Mr. Turner-Production Design: Suzie Davis; Set Decoration: Charlotte Watts
Selma-Production Design: Mark Friedberg; Set Decoration: Elizabeth Keenan
Unbroken-Production Design: Jon Hutman; Set Decoration: Lisa Thompson

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Oh, the other movie I was in won, "The Grand Budapest Hotel", Adam Stockhausen and Anna Pinnock!

 
("Mr. Moustafa" by Alexandre Desplat plays as ADAM STOCKHAUSEN and ANNA PINNOCK stand up and approach the stage.)

ANNOUNCER
These are the first nominations and wins for both Adam Stockhausen and Anna Pinnock!

(Adam and Anna hug Edward as they both collect their awards. They turn to the audience before exiting stage right.)

ME
(Clapping)
Congratulations. For those keeping count, that's 2 for "Birdman..." and two for "Budapest Hotel", so, it's probably between those two for Picture.

(Audience laughs)

Wait, what? "The Grand Budapest Hotel" didn't get int Picture? Wow, so that would be a hell of an upset then, wouldn't it? Too late, to place a bet in Vegas, yeah, probably is.-

(Audience laughs)

How about Gold Derby, are they still open? Probably, anyway. Haha, it's funny, 'cause Gold Derby doesn't make odds for us. To present the One-Year-Later Award for Best Editor,  a two-time nominee and last year's winner for "The Wolf of Wall Street", and a legend in Editing, the first editor to ever present an OYL Award, ladies and gentleman, Thelma Schoonmaker!

(Award music plays and shocking the audience, THELMA SCHOONMAKER enters stage left and approaches the podium to a standing ovation!)

THELMA
Oh, thank you, thank you.

(Audience sits down as music stops)

It's my honor to present the Award for Best Editing. There are ten nominees, the maximum amount, and they are:


BEST EDITING
Boyhood-Sandra Adair
Edge of Tomorrow-James Herbert and Laura Jennings
The Grand Budapest Hotel-Barney Pilling
Locke-Justine Wright
Moebius-Kim Ki-Duk
Mommy-Xavier Dolan
Nightcrawler-John Gilroy
Whiplash-Tom Cross
Wild-Martin Pensa and John Mac McMurphy (aka John-Marc Vallee)
Wild Tales-Pablo Barbieri Carrera and Damian Szifron

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Sandra Adair, for "Boyhood"!

("Hero" by Family of the Year plays as Sandra Adair stands up and approaches the stage, slightly shocked by her win.)

ANNOUNCER
This is the first win and nomination for Sandra Adair!

(Sandra receives the OYL Award from Thelma and turns to the cheering crowd. Then, both of them head off, exit stage right. I'm clapping them off as they head off. After a few moments, nothing happens, and I'm standing alone, on the stage. I look over towards both the right and left entrances, but nothing happens. There's some sporadic laughs from the audience.

ME
(After a some prolonged uncomfortable seconds)
Excuse me a minute.

(I head off stage, stage left)

INT. OYL AWARDS, BACKSTAGE-NIGHT

I enter the backstage area. ANNOUNCER is there.

ME
Hey, uh, what's going on?

ANNOUNCER
Nothing why?

ME
Um, I'm waiting for you to announce the presenter of the Documentary Award.

ANNOUNCER
And I will, as soon as I find out who it is.

(Sporadic laughs, pause)

ME
I forgot to pick a presenter for the award, didn't I?

(Laughs)

ANNOUNCER
Seems that way.

ME
Um, hold on...-

(I look through a list of people that's on Announcer's table.)

ME
How about him?

ANNOUNCER
He didn't come.

ME
Okay, her.

ANNOUNCER
She's not here either.

ME
What about him?

ANNOUNCER
He's a nominee in the category.

ME
Right, um, him.

ANNOUNCER
He died like eight months ago.

ME
Really?

ANNOUNCER
You didn't here?

ME
No. Okay, we gotta get the show going, so just pick somebody who's here at random.

ANNOUNCER
At random?

ME
Yeah, just pick somebody.

(I leave and head back onto the stage. Announcer leans up to the microphone)

ANNOUNCER
To present the award for Best Documentary
(Close his eyes and points onto the list)
OYL-Award nominee tonight, for Best Actress for "Obvious Child", Jenny Slate!

INT. OYL AWARDS-MAIN STAGE-NIGHT

(Award music plays, and JENNY SLATE, is spotted in the audience, and pretty much stunned, and dumbfounded. I'm over encouraging, and clapping for her to get up.)

ME
Jenny, c'mon, you missed your cue, c'mon.

(Jenny stands up and heads towards the stage, Audience is cheering and laughing. I'm close by, meeting her as she gets up.

JENNY
What am I doing?

ME
Just, get to the podium, and read from the teleprompter.

(Jenny moves towards me podium on the side of the stage.)

ME
No, go to that one, see?

JENNY
The one in the middle.

(I take her to the podium, Award music ends)

ME
Okay, and there's the teleprompter, just read what it says.

JENNY
Just read that.

ME
Yeah, just read that.

JENNY
(Looking confused, speaking phonetically)
It is amazing, the kinds of real-life, drama that can come, from making documentaries, as I, Insert Presenter's Name Here, would know.

(Laughter)

And so do the filmmakers, behind these five films, which tell the stories, of soldiers in a warzone, a film critic's amazing life, a former Secretary of Defense's own words, a whistleblower forced to leave his country while fighting to make it better, and a movie that was never made. Wait, a movie about a movie that was never made?

ME (O.S.)
Stick to the script! No improv-ing!

JENNY
Oh-kay, sorry!

(Audience laughter)

The award is given to the film's directors and producer, here are the five nominees, for Best, Documentary.
(Turns to Me)
I'm not reading all those name, there better be a package...-


BEST DOCUMENTARY
Citizenfour-Director/Producer: Laura Poitras; Producers: Mathilde Bonnefoy and Dirk Wilutzky
Jodorowsky's Dune-Director/Producer: Frank Povich; Producers: Stephen Scarlata and Travis Stevens
Korengal-Director: Sebastian Junger; Producer: Nick Quested
Life Itself-Director/Producer: Steve James; Producers: Garrett Basch and Zak Piper
The Unknown Known-Director/Producer: Errol Morris; Producer: Amanda Branson Gill, Ale El Chami and Robert Fernandez

And the One-Year-Later Award goes to, Presenter opens envelope?

(I come running onstage, from stage left, with the appropriate envelope, and hand it to Jenny. Audience laughing)

JENNY
Thanks.

(I run offstage, as though I'm trying not to be seen.)

Always nice to have the envelope
(As opening envelope)

And the OYL Award goes to... Jodorowsky's Dune!

(A slight gasps waves across the audience, as FRANK PAVICH, STEPHEN SCARLATA and TRAVIS STEVENS, eventually stand up and head towards the stage.)

ANNOUNCER
These are the first nominations and wins for Director Frank Pavich and Producers Stephen Scarlata and Travis Stevens!

(The three collect their awards from Jenny and turn towards the audience, before heading off, stage right. I'm onstage, clapping.)

ME
Yes, that was great. Just like in rehearsal, we didn't actually not have anything planned there, we just acted like we didn't. Yeah, that's what happened.

(Audience laughing)

To present the award for Best Supporting Actor, a five-time OYL Award nominee, and last year's winner for Best Supporting Actress for "American Hustle", and according to some reports, she's apparently a fairly big movie star, ladies and gentlemenen, Ms. Jennifer Lawrence!

(Awards music plays as JENNIFER LAWRENCE enters stage left to a rousing ovation. She approaches the podium, awards music and ovation ends.)

JENNIFER
A father, dealing with being separated from his young boy, a father reunited with his grown-up kid in the last place either would want to be, a gangster trying to keep manipulate the system to keep open a bar, an aging mobster, who would rather be at home with his grandkids then deal with the acts of petty thieves, a legendary wrestler caught in a deadly situation, a POW officer making sure a situation is as deadly for everyone, an eccentric actor causing chaos onstage and off, and a music teacher who's method may or may not have gotten lost in his madness. These are the characters portrayed by the eight nominees for Best Supporting Actor. The nominees are....


BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
James Gandolfini-"The Drop"
Andy Garcia-"Rob the Mob"
Ethan Hawke-"Boyhood"
Ben Mendelsohn-"Starred Up"
Miyavi-"Unbroken"
Edward Norton-"Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)"
Mark Ruffalo-"Foxcatcher"
J.K. Simmons-"Whiplash"

And the OYL Award goes to....

(Opens envelope, slight pause)

J.K. Simmons, "Whiplash"!

(Hank Levy's "Whiplash" plays as J.K. Simmons humbly gets up and heads to the stage, along with a rousing audience ovation.)

ANNOUNCER
This is J.K. Simmons first win and nomination!

(He gets the award from Jennifer, and turns to the audience. He mouths, "Thank you" real quick before exiting stage right.)

To announce the award of Best Foreign Language Film, a nominee last year for Best Supporting Actress for "Blue is the Warmest Color" and a nominee tonight as a member of the Ensemble Cast of "The Grand Budapest Hotel", Lea Seydoux!

(LEA SEYDOUX enters stage right to applause as she approaches the podium)

LEA
Merci. Trying to fight a corrupt local government, a story of a princess who wishes to find her true birthplace, a film director making a disturbing friend with a convict, a relationship between a child and his nanny, a family at odds, after a near-death experience, a family that becomes physically wounded after an affair is revealed, two families struggling to deal with the realities that their kids were switched at birth, and an anthology of stories of irony, and confrontation, and a story of a man who's want of sexual desire leads to disastrous results. These are the ten nominees, the maximum, for Best Foreign Language Film. The award goes to the films' directors. The nominees are....


BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Abuse of Weakness-Catherine Breillat (France)
Force of Majeure-Ruben Ostlund (Sweden)
Ilo Ilo-Anthony Chen (Singapore)
Leviathan-Andrey Zvyagintsev (Russia)
Like Father, Like Son-Hirokazu Koreeda (Japan)
Moebius-Kim Ki-Duk (South Korea)
Mommy-Xavier Dolan (Canada)
R100-Hitoshi Matsumoto (Japan)
The Tale of the Princess Kaguya-Isao Takahata (Japan)
Wild Tales-Damian Szifron (Argentina)

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Wild Tales!

(DAMIAN SZIFRON's surprised by his win as "Relatos Salvajes" by Gustavo Santaolalla begins to play. The crowd also reacts with some shock, but mostly applause as Damian inevitably makes his way towards the stage)

ANNOUNCER
This is the first win for Director Damian Szifron, who's also nominated for tonight for Editing, Directing and Writing all for "Wild Tales". This is the first film from Argentina to be nominated for Best Foreign Language film, and the first win ever in the category for a South American film.

(Lea hands Damian the award, he shyly turns to the crowd, holding up the award before he and Lea exit stage right.)

Presenting the award for Best Adapted Screenplay, a 3-time OYL Award nominee last year, for Director and Picture and last year's winner for Best Original Screenplay for "Her", Spike Jonze!

(Spike Jonze enters from stage right to audience applause and he approaches the podium)

SPIKE
There are seven films nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay, representing films that were adapted from everything from novels, to comic books, to short films, Here are the nominees for Best Adapted Screenplay:


BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
The Imitation Game-Graham Moore
Inherent Vice-Paul Thomas Anderson
Still Alice-Richard Glatzer & Wash Westmoreland
Under the Skin-Walter Campbell & Jonathan Glazer
We are the Best!-Lukas Moodysson
Whiplash-Damian Chazelle
Wild-Nick Hornby

And the OYL Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Nick Hornby for "Wild"!

(First Aid Kit's "Walk Unafraid" plays as NICK HORNBY, accompanied with a few loud shriek-like cheers, gets up, and approaches the stage.)

ANNOUNCER
This is Nick Hornby's first win and nomination!

(Nick gets up and accepts the award from Spike, before turning to the audience, and the ovation, and then heads off, exiting stage right, Spike showing him the way to go.)

ANNOUNCER
A four-time OYL Award nominee, including a double-nominee tonight as a member of the Ensemble Cast and for Best Supporting Actor for "Boyhood", one of last year's winners of the award for Best Adapted Screenplay for "Before Midnight", Ethan Hawke!

(Ethan Hawke enters stage right to rousing applause as he approaches the podium)

ETHAN
Yeah, Julie's not here tonight. Sorry.

(Audience chuckles)

There are ten nominees, the maximum in the category of Best Original Screenplay, the nominees are....


BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)-Alejandro G. Inarritu, Nicolas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris & Armando Bo
Boyhood-Richard Linklater
Force Majeure-Ruben Ostlund
The Grand Budapest Hotel-Wes Anderson, Story by Wes Anderson and Hugo Guiness
The LEGO Movie-Phil Lord & Christopher Miller; Story by Dan Hageman & Kevin Hageman and Phil Lord & Christopher Miller
Moebius-Kim Ki-Duk
Mommy-Xavier Dolan
Nightcrawler-Dan Gilroy
Selma-Paul Webb
Wild Tales-Damian Szifron

and the One-Year-Later Award goes to...

(Opens envelope)

Ruben Ostlund for "Force Majeure"!

(After a few moments of delay, Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" plays, as Ruben Ostlund, has gotten up and is heading to the stage)

ANNOUNCER
This is Ruben Ostlund's first OYL Award. He was nominated earlier tonight for Best Foreign Language Film, and he's also nominated tonight for Best Director, all for "Force Majeure".

(Ethan hands Ruben his OYL Award, he turns to the audience and pauses for a moment, before he and Ethan head off, exiting stage right. I'm back on the stage)

ME
Okay, we're almost half-way through.

(Laughs)

ME
I'm kidding, we're getting there. To present the OYL Award for Best Actor, a nominee tonight as a member of the Ensemble Cast of "Wild" and last year's winner of the Best Actress award for "Crystal Fairy and the Magical Cactus and 2012", the only movie that we've honored with a longer and more ridiculous title than "Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)", ladies and gentleman, Gaby Hoffman!

(GABY HOFFMAN enters from stage left, and approaches the podium, to loud applause.)

GABY
Thank you. A Priest on his last days, a son teetering on the edge of sanity, an actor struggling to put on his comeback performance, a former actor-turned-agent, trying to make a star out of his new client, a father trying to love his child after realizing the one he'd been raising wasn't his, a father, trying to tie up loose ends while he's driving off to his child's birth, a hotel owner trying to bring order to chaos, a chimpanzee leading an army into a war, and an artist who keeps his personal and professional lives discreetly quiet. These are the ten nominees, the maximum, for Best Actor, and they are....


BEST ACTOR
Ralph Fiennes-"The Grand Budapest Hotel"
Brendan Gleeson-"Calvary"
Clark Gregg-"Trust Me"
Jake Gyllenhaal-"Nightcrawler"
Tom Hardy-"Locke"
Masaharu Fukuyama-"Like Father, Like Son"
Michael Keaton-"Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)"
Antoine-Olivier Pilon-"Mommy"
Andy Serkis-"Dawn of the Planet of the Apes"
Timothy Spall-"Mr. Turner"

And the One-Year-Later Award goes to....

(Struggles at first, but opens the envelope)

Hold on, I'm getting it. Wow.
(Slight pause)
Clark Gregg for "Trust Me"!

(A wave of surprised gasps come over the audience as "Howard's Wings" by Mark Killan plays. Surprised, CLARK GREGG takes a moment before standing up and walking towards the stage.)

ANNOUNCER
This is Clark Gregg's first win and nomination. With this win, he has become the first actor to win an OYL Award, who directed himself.

(Clark gets up onstage and gets his award from Gaby, thanking her as he shyly turns to the audience, holding up his award. He and Gaby then exit stage right.)

ANNOUNCER
A five-time OYL Award nominee, including last year's winner for Best Actor for "The Wolf of Wall Street", Leonardo DiCaprio!

(A rousing ovation for Leonardo as he enters stage left and approaches the podium. He waits for the applause to calm down before speaking.)

LEONARDO
A young girl exploring her sexual desires to the addicting fullest, a teenage girl who offers herself to grab the attention of young boys, a young stand-up comic dealing with her upcoming abortion, a mother struggling with taking care of a son who's problems are out of her depth, a dual-performance as both a vengeful mother and a disturbingly maternal mistress, a woman who's mind's quickly and suddenly escaping her, a woman who's run away from her life, only to create a bigger mystery about her, a young woman, who runs to find herself by hiking across the country, a young woman who heads across the woman to brutal treatment in America, and a film director who gets conned by a felon she thought of a friend. These are the amazing ten performances, the maximum, that are nominated for Best Actress. The nominees are....


BEST ACTRESS
Marion Cotillard-"The Immigrant"
Anne Dorval-"Mommy"
Isabelle Huppert-"Abuse of Weakness"
Lee Eun-Woo-"Moebius"
Stacy Martin-"Nymphomaniac: Vol. 1"
Julianne Moore-"Still Alice"
Gina Piersanti-"It Felt Like Love"
Rosamund Pike-"Gone Girl"
Jenny Slate-"Obvious Child"
Reese Witherspoon-"Wild"

And, the OYL Award, goes to

(Opens envelope)

Julianne Moore, "Still Alice"!

(Ilan Eshkari's "L.A. Drive" plays as JULIANNE MOORE, gets a rousing ovation, as she stands up and heads towards the stage.)

ANNOUNCER
This is Julianne Moore's fifth OYL Award nomination and first win. She was previously nominated for Best Actress for "The Kids Are All Right" and for Supporting Actress for "What Maisie Knew" as well as nominations as members of the Casting Ensembles of "Crazy, Stupid, Love" and "What Maisie Knew".

(Leonardo graciously hand Julianne her award. She turns to the audience, which is now a standing ovation. She acknowledges them for a moment, but then quickly exits stage right.)

ANNOUNCER
A four-time OYL Award nominee and one of last year's winners for Best Director, for "Gravity", Alfonso Cuaron!

(ALFONSO CUARON enters stage left to a rousing ovation as he approaches the podium.)

ALFONSO
Thanks. There are ten nominees, the maximum, this year for Best Director, here are the nominees....


BEST DIRECTOR
J.C. Chandor-"A Most Violent Year"
Xavier Dolan-"Mommy"
Richard Glatzner & Wash Westmoreland-"Still Alice"
Jonathan Glazer-"Under the Skin"
Alejandro G. Inarritu-"Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)"
Kim Ki-Duk-""Moebius"
Steven Knight-"Locke"
Richard Linklater-"Boyhood"
Ruben Ostlund-"Force Majeure"
Damian Szifron-"Wild Tales"

(Alfonso begins opening envelope)

ALFONSO
And the OYL Award goes to...

(Finishes opening envelope)

Richard Linklater, for "Boyhood"!

("Hero" by Family of the Year plays as RICHARD LINKLATER stands up to wild applause and heads towards the stage.)

ANNOUNCER
This is Richard Linklater's third win, and counting his nominations tonight for Writing and Producing "Boyhood", his sixth nomination. He won last year as a Writer and Producer for "Before Midnight".

(The audience stands and applauds as Alfonso hands Richard his award. He turns to acknowledge the audience before he and Alfonso exit stage right. I'm back on stage.)

ME
Well, I got nothing left to add, to present Best Picture, last year's other winner of Best Director for "The Wolf of Wall Street", and a four-time OYL Award nominee and we knew who he is, ladies and gentlemen, Martin Scorsese!

(MARTIN SCORSESE enters stage left to another huge standing ovation as he approaches the podium)

MARTIN
Thank you,
(Motioning with his hands to sit down)
Thanks you. Alright, Here we go folks, here are the ten nominees for Best Picture!


BEST PICTURE
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)-Producers: Alejandro G. Inarritu, John Lesher, Arnon Milchan and James W. Skotchdopole
Boyhood-Producers: Richard Linklater, Jonathan Sehring, John Sloss and Cathleen Sutherland
Force Majeure-Producers: Katja Adomeit, Erik Hemmendorff and Marie Kjellson
Moebius-Producer: Soon-Mo Kim
Mommy-Producers: Xavier Dolan and Nancy Grant
A Most Violent Year-Producers: J.C. Chandor, Neal Dodson and Anna Gerb
Still Alice-Producers: James Brown, Pamela Koffler and Lex Lutzus
Under the Skin-Producers: Nick Wechsler and James Wilson
Wild-Producers: Bruna Papandrea, Bill Pohlad and Reese Witherspoon
Wild Tales-Producers: Agustin Almodovar, Pedro Almodovar, Esther Garcia, Matias Mosteirin and Hugo Sigman

(Drumroll starts)

And the One-Year-Later Award for Best Picture, goes to....

(Opens envelope, slight pause)

Boyhood!



("Hero" by Family of the Year" plays again. Richard Linklater enters from stage right, still holding the OYL he just won, as JONATHAN SEHRING, JOHN SLOSS and CATHLEEN SUTHERLAND stand up and head to the stage to meet him.)

ANNOUNCER
These are producers Jonathan Sehring, John Sloss and Cathleen Sutherland's first OYL Award wins and nominations. This is now Richard Linklater's 4th total win, and his second consecutive win for Best Picture, winning last year as a Producer on "Before Midnight"!

(They all hug as they get onstage and Martin hands each of them their OYL Awards. They turn to the loud ovation from the audience for a few moments, before exiting stage right.)

ME
That's it, Everyone, we'll try to do better next year. Goodnight!

(Award show music plays off as the credits begin to roll.)

ANNOUNCER
All vote tabulations are done by the in-house accountants at "David Baruffi's Entertainment Views and Reviews". The results of those tabulations are kept secret until the envelopes are opened on the night of the awards.
(Pause)
Some departing nominees will receive consolation prizes, provided by:

(Commercials for ACT mouthwash, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon, Station Casinos, Deja Vu Adult Emporium, Vapor, TMZ, and Dixie Elixirs.)

LAWYER'S NOTE: "David Baruffi's Entertainment Views & Reviews" denies all existence and knowledge of the "One-Year-Later Awards" and disputes any/all claims of certain bribery, blackmail, racketeering, kidnapping, cyberterrorism, and illegal distributions of electric chair parts and therein contributaries through the U.S. mail, in regard to the awards themselves and any subsequent parallel activities, potentially concerning, but not limited to activities regarding, potential sponsors, publishers, producers, studio executive, performers, members of the American Cinema Editors, and/or Amy Pasquale. We also deny any references/findings for us found, supposedly in the leaks Sony emails and/or memos. All celebrities appearances at the awards are fictitious, and we make no claims of forcing them to appear, through blackmail or kidnapping techniques in collusion with or without the assistance of members of the National Enquirer staff.

The OYL Awards is a "David Baruffi's Entertainment Views and Reviews" production.
In association with Midnight Green Studios
Distributed by Desilu


IN MEMORIAM


James Gandolfini (1961-2013)
OYL AWARD NOMINEE-Best Supporting Actor-"The Drop"


Richard Glatzer (1952-2015)
OYL AWARD NOMINEE-Best Adapted Screenplay-"Still Alice"
OYL AWARD NOMINEE-Best Director-"Still Alice"


Seiichiro Ujiie (1926-2011)
OYL AWARD WINNER-Best Animated Feature-"The Tale of the Princess Kaguya"




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