Who the fuck is this little girl?! No, seriously, who the fuck is this little girl, and why do I know she exists!?
Did-, Did I miss something? When did-, okay, uh, I had no plans on, writing about this, eh, um, this-, do I really have to learn this person's name? Seriously? (Sigh)
Okay. So, this, 13 or 14-year-old, is, (Searching google, pause) Danielle Bregoli. I had no plans on writing about, this
I mean, something stupid happens on daytime shows all the time, they happen, we get a laugh, maybe, maybe not, and then we move on with our lives, 'cause, who cares?! As far as I could tell, this person was of no importance and therefore nothing I needed to pay attention to. Then, I noticed a few things that were weird. For one thing, her Facebook and Twitter pages, had a checkmark next to her name. Yeah, somebody posted something from her Facebook page, so I checked it, 'cause I thought it, "If somebody posted something about this girl, then maybe she's important," but, no, she's not that important. But she had a checkmark on her name? Was somebody looking her up? Why!? I mean, she's a juvenile delinquent, who momentarily bemused and confused, Dr. Phil?
(Confused look, pause)
I'm fairly certain that's half of Ron White's stand-up routine, but, oh-kay????? I guess we're pretending that's a thing worth mentioning? What am I looking at here, the next, "I-Didn't-Do-It Kid?" That clip aired in November, it's actually over two years old, by the way, 'cause, yes, that's actually how long it often takes before some of those episodes actually make the air; they shoot quite a bit more ahead of time than people may realize. That's why you'll often hear of a daytime series getting cancelled and then, remain on the air, for like another year and a half or two. Anyway, she was on an episode of "Dr. Phil" called, "I Want to Give Up My Car-Stealing, Knife-Wielding, Twerkin 13-Year-Old Daughter Who Tried to Frame Me for a Crime!" Just for fun, I think I'll let you guys, determine what the episode was about, see if you can figure it out, by some of the context and clues provided so far.
Apparently, she became a meme from this episode, which, honestly, I don't fully understand what a "meme' is, but whatever, and it stuck. For some reason? I,I-eh- (Sigh)
Okay, I guess you're all wondering right now, why am I writing about this little girl? This, flash-in-the-pan, this who-the-fuck-is-this, this Who's Who of "Who? Why, am I suddenly looking into this? (Sigh) Well, I have a few different reasons and I'll get to all of them, the first one being that, she's got a REALITY SHOW DEAL!!!!!
Yeah, she's this big, and the Producers of this program they're shopping are saying that, they're confident that somebody will buy and that there's lots of interest. So, she is actually in my entertainment world purview, so now I have to pay attention and think about her. GRRRRR!
Okay, I know you're thinking, "So what?" There's plenty of people who, for all intensive purposes, shouldn't be famous, and have no business having reality shows, but they do. We do live in a post-"Honey Boo-Boo" age of television don't we, right? So, what's so wrong about, some obnoxious 13-year-old brat, is that's so wrong or disturbing?
(Scratching head, sigh)
Bare with me a second, I have to explain this with an anecdote....
So, once upon a time, I had some family members that worked in/with the biggest nightclub in Vegas, like the biggest at the time. This was before nightclubs in casinos was a thing, so it's different now, but it was a thing, and because they were well-connected, these relatives of mine often got deals and shows and stuff and occasionally a connection or a favor thrown their way. (CORRECTION: After consulting with the family member, this incident happened more recently than I thought and it was a casino nightclub in Vegas.) For instance, if they have relatives from out of town coming in, and since this is Vegas, that happens a lot to people who live/move here, shockingly, they can get something in town to take their out-to-town friends to show off. So, one of my Mom's best friends was in town, and my mother decided to take her out to a nice place, I'm not gonna name which place, but a nice well-known place in Vegas. My mom's friend's a little more-eh, I don't want to say richer, but she's a little more prim and proper and raised a little more well-off than much of my family was, and sometimes she could be a little judgmental and presumptuous. That's just her. So, they're dining in this, you know, nice place, maybe not Michelin star, but quite formal, and my mom's friend is looking around, and eventually she sees this guy get seated, and she's kinda shocked by it. "Wow, they'll let anyone in here, won't they?" We asked what she meant, and she pointed out the guy who was seated across the way, and he wasn't that well-kept. Jeans, that were ripped at the knee, sneakers, a graphic t-shirt, hair that's not really brushed with that much care. She's like, "Look at that, we get all dressed up to come eat and this exclusive, nice place, and he comes in looking like that, and he can walk right in and get a table? This place, not that fancy, huh?" Well, we, we, started chuckling, 'cause clearly she didn't realize, what we had to tell her. "No, you have it backwards. We, have to get dressed up, and look nice, in order to come over and eat here. We're nobodies. That guy, doesn't. He probably has more money than everybody else in this restaurant combined, ever will." Now, I'm not 100% sure who that person was, let's for the sake of argument say it was, somebody like Richard Branson, so that the story sounds cooler than it is, but you know, how my mother knew that? Because, our family worked in the nightclubs, and the big nightclubs, and our bouncers' job, included, knowing who the fuck everybody is, in case they happened to drop by, 'cause you don't want to keep somebody waiting, who perhaps, could be powerful or well-connected enough to lose your job over, trying to identify them, or worst, downright reject them for entrance, when, you know, they're last name is Hilton or Kennedy or Spielberg, or something like that.
You see, that's why I've never really complained about, say those trust-fund babies, the Paris Hilton's, the Kim Kardashian's the Nicole Ritchie and whomever, about their pseudo-fame and reality television success; don't get me wrong, I've never watched any of those shows, (Well, I might've watched a Clark Gable III-hosted episode of "Cheaters" once or twice but that's it. Bet you didn't know that was a thing.) but yeah, they pass the Bouncer test, they'd be allowed in. They could get kicked out if they're really being obnoxious, of course, but yeah, certain people, can and should get in through the door, while others don't. This is why, a seven-year-old Drew Barrymore can go up to Studio 54 and if somebody told her she was too young or something, she can say, "I'm a fucking Barrymore, dammit, let me in, get me a drink, and find a cute guy who's chest I can do lines of coke off of," and we'd be the ones in trouble for not letting her in and giving her all she asked for.
And it's not just a class thing, either, by the way, this is a fame thing, and fame, means they're talented and/or known, for doing, something. And it can be something ridiculous or something that's barely an accomplish of anything at all, but something. "Jon & Kate Plus 8", famous for, having six kids at once, why are they famous? Eh, have you heard of the Dionne Quintuplets? if you haven't look them up, 'cause while it's more common now, for people to have that many kids, it was a sideshow spectacle for a long time, so there's precedent. What else? "Teen Mom", that's gotta just be exploitative, right? Yeah, probably, but, did it make being a teen parent look that good? I mean, MTV can blur the lines a bit, but when they want to make a point, especially the news and entertainment division, they've been known to make it and make it well. Sure, they cast some pretty, seemingly lousy parents, but how many teen parents are little angels anyway? Yeah, there's an angle and a reason for existing, even if Farrah Abraham, really doesn't make that reason seem that great sometimes. People with interesting jobs or lives, documented for a reality series, that's not a bad idea. And what about Honey Boo-Boo, while we're at it? Eh, yeah that was awful, but you know, she was a child beauty pageant contestant, and yeah, that's kind of a disturbing world in of itself, for several reasons, but yeah, she actually friggin' did something. Something that's somewhat worth the attention she received, and she was an interesting character within that world, so, yeah, follow her. I can't really blame that either. Again, these aren't endorsements, but you see what I'm getting at here?
That's why I'm a little annoyed and pissed off at this girl's fame, and apparently conservative net worth of $200,000 dollars. No, I'm not kidding with that number:
And I'm fairly certain it's more than five times that already, by the way. This juvenile delinquent is just a bunch of red flags to me, that are telling me that, she should be getting stopped by the Bouncer. This hack, 13-year-old with a fake ID, a horribly faux ghetto accent to sound tough, that literally every television series has made fun of from "Married with Children" to "2 Broke Girl$" has made fun of, and acts like a Jenny Jones show reject, which she's too young to even know what the hell that is. Yeah, I ask again, who the fuck is this little girl, and why do I know she exists?!!!!!!!!!!!
(Scream into the void, Frustrated sigh, followed by calming sigh to regroup)
That said, yes, I realize that were talking about reality television where the standard for fame is low. I'm not exactly positive I can justify, say, any Real Housewives series other than Orange County (Because that was done as a loose parody of "Desperate Housewives" which people forget) and for that matter, other than the fact that it was on MTV, "Jersey Shore" is difficult. Difficult, but probably not impossible. (They're a documentation of a culture of youth, that's typical exaggeration of the MTV audience, there, I justified it.) But this little girl, I can think of ten girls like her that that I went to school with. Hell, half of them are Facebook friends of mine. They're a dime a dozen, and the fact that she's a household name is fucked up, doesn't really add up to interesting or important enough for a reality show, except maybe an episode of "Cops". It's mostly just depressing and annoying when your really think about it, and we have enough reckless reality show producers out there, taking chances on whether or not the people their documenting aren't convicted sexual predators or alt-right neo-Nazis or whatever.
(Sigh) I don't know, maybe there's something interesting about her, that I'm not seeing. I'll give her this, she doesn't seem like that lowest of the low class of people who are trying to form a career by being reality television stars. No, I don't mean, like the Kardashians, I mean, the Balloon Boy's family. Remember them? They were trying to become famous 'cause they think they're interesting enough or have some family gimmick that's worth them having their own reality show. And that's not even as rare as you think by the way, you guys ever see this?
Yeah, this is the original demo video of "Vegas Pawn" that Rick Harrison got made and sent around to all the networks as a reality show pitch; this is the earliest beginning of what would become "Pawn Stars". It's a little bit grittier than the version we know now, slightly more exploitative in it's customers, not as bad as "Hardcore Pawn" is or something of that nature but still, it's not glamorous, and the idea of Chumlee being a major part of the show isn't in this video, much less Chumlee himself. But, there is that historical aspect of the show that sort evolved into the series we see now, and they did in fact have some claims to fame as being the first 24/7 pawn shop. (They're not anymore, since they don't have to be, they make enough money open regular hours now) The seeds of an interesting series is there, and despite Rick Harrison using the word "fairy" probably a little more loosely than he probably should've, you can kinda understand and see why they'd think this was a good idea. (And he had that idea boiling for awhile too. There's an earlier clip going around of him on Date Atell's old show "Insomniac" that's worth looking for if you're really interested, it's pretty funny) I guarantee, Danielle's got her demo pitch like this, already on the desks of every network in town.
Yeah, it's not just that I'm struggling to find that piece of interest in this little girl who's maybe 1/10 as interesting and memorable a meme as Grumpy Cat. I don't outright hate her or anything, although I hate whatever she may represent as the next line of faux-famous reality castoffs that could pollute our television airways. Especially since,...- she's not the only little girl out there making a reality show.
Yeah, I've been a little under the radar about this, but one of the reasons that she's grabbed my attention, isn't her exactly; it's that I actually have already been paying attention to a future soon-to-air reality show that's being made at the moment, that's also showcased around a little girl, one that's actually younger than Miss Bregoli, and I've been following it's progress for awhile now. Mainly, 'cause while Danielle's fame is completely undeserved and inconceivable, even within a reality show, market, this other little girl...- (frustrated sigh) no joke, not trying to be funny here, the little girl I've been watching, is one of the few people in the entertainment industry, who I feel genuine hate for, with a passion! And by "hate", I mean, pure, unadulterated, jealousy. This girl's existence to me, is...- (Holding back anger) Check her out yourself.
This is Saffron Herndon. She's twelve and she legitimately can be on a Top Ten list of the best stand-up performers working the clubs in the country right now. (Long pause, sigh) You remember in "Amadeus' when Salieri realized not only how talented Mozart is, but how much more talented and naturally talented he was compared to himself, and how he was never gonna be that talented no matter how hard he tried? Yeah, that's the reason for the "Hate" I have for her. This girl is 12, right now. Within fifteen years, she's going to be George Carlin, Tina Fey and Amy Schumer wrapped in one, and that's on top of what will at that point be about 20 years experience she'd have, and she'd still be at the beginning of her career! (Grinning teeth anger) She should not exist. There is literally, nobody in the entertainment industry I hate more than Saffron Herndon. I am deadly serious. The future of entertainment industry people, we're gonna have to live up to her. And yes, that's starting now, because she has a reality deal.:
It's currently titled "Little Funny", Ellen DeGenerous is producing it, and I have been waiting anxiously for it to air, if it ever does, since they announced it. And, yes, I have been studying up on her since I found out about her existence (Which is a lot longer than this meme of a girl has been around, and btw Saffy Herndon, does not, have checkmarks on Facebook and Twitter accounts yet, for some reason....!? And no, I don't know her net worth, nobody's looked it up yet!) Her father, for instance is also a stand-up and actor, like her, so she had this in to the business. There's some who suspect her father is writing her material, eh, yeah, this girl's a little too smart, witty, too much of a point of view and performer....- yeah, if somehow, somebody who's 12, is this much of a fraud that she's this natural at performing, and with a distinctively smart 12-year-old girl point-of-view, is a puppet of her dad...?- Ah, nah. Yeah, she's the real thing and she's only gonna get better. Right now, she's mainly the biggest stand-up act in the greater Dallas, Texas area. And yes, she absolutely gets through the door at the nightclub, in fact the bouncer will stop her, ask for ID, and she'll say, "Tony, it's me; I got your weed," and then, the Bouncer will apologize for not recognizing her, make the exchange, she'll then enter, do ten minutes of material and then go finish her homework.
So, this is what I'm paying attention to right now, two pre-teen young girls getting reality shows, and they couldn't be more different Literally, they represent all the best and worst possible aspects of television's most despised and disreputable genre. One who is probably gonna be the stand-up comic that defines and influences the next fifty years of entertainment and the other, somebody who is so inept and lacking of stardom and legitimate fame status that I am just, stumped at trying to figure out how or why she's gotten this famous, for essentially, being a brat who doesn't know that you're supposed to keep your tongue in when making an s-sound.
Oh, yeah, I should tell this story too, since my family's all longtime East Coasters, when I was in elementary school out west, they sent me to the school's speech therapist for a little while, because apparently I had difficult pronouncing my th's and s's properly. On th-sounds, you stick your tongue out, but on s-sounds, your tongue's supposed to be in, behind you teeth. I have no idea if this is actually legitimately a problem or just an accent issue, although I do distinctly remember a lot of people think I was saying "frow" or "srow" when I was saying "throw", and if I think about it, "this" is actually a difficult word for me to say out loud, but it's something I know, and actually adjusted to. I don't know if school's do that now, but.... So yeah, not even impressed at her mispronunciation and accent being a unique aspect. (This fact has been brought to you by, "Knowing Things", for when you really want to ruin everything for everyone, "Knowing Things" is your best bet. [Clicks tongue, with fingers mockingly shaped like a gun]) Another thing that makes Honey Boo-Boo more qualified for fame than Danielle.
But yeah, that's what we got. It literally is like all those meme's comparing Danielle to some other kid around her age who's actually accomplished something. I honestly don't know what scares me more, the fact that, this might be the bottom of the barrel, or that, Miss Bregoli is gonna be the person that inevitably influences the next no-talent nothing who gets their fifteen minutes and takes it to becoming the next big thing in reality. Meanwhile, here's somebody who's mere presence is gonna inevitably improve the reality genre, if anybody ends up watching her eventual show, which is a possibility, although it will be the first of like, five genres and ten or twelve artistic mediums she's influenced and changed by the time she's done, so really, she doesn't even need anybody to notice her right now.
I know there's always good and bad in the marketplace, and we have to sort through it all and it's part-talent and part-crapshoot that something good ever ends up on top, but this just seems wrong. So, so wrong. Wronger than usual. And it frightens me. Granted everything about Saffy Herndon frightens the shit out of me, but the fact this (INSULT DELETED), who doesn't even have the sense to get famous for something as insightful like 'Don't Taze Me, Bro" has apparently captured part of the public's imagination....-. This should not be a battle that's out there on the marketplace right now. I don't know why or how Danielle Bregoli has jumped into the fame index, or who she's got behind/working for her that's managed to catapult and stretch out this fame until it's gotten to this point, but yeah, if you want to see where entertainment and reality in particular is going, or faltering, this is the next battleground to watch out for. Which of these two projects are inevitably gonna succeed or fail, and it's all in the hands of two 12-year-old girls.
I know, it sounds like the world's worst "Hunger Games" fan-fiction, but yeah, this is what we got right now, and it's worth keeping an eye on. God help us. I'll be talking about reality television more soon, putting the genre in an overall context and of course, how to truly determine the quality of programs within the genre, but yeah, for now, this is where the genre is going and where it might be heading, and both the good things and bad things that comes with it. At least on the surface, who knows, maybe I'll be all wrong and think the Meme girl's show will be the quality one and the stand-up's show will be exploitative crap, but this is probably the television genre where there's the least surprises like that, so, somehow I doubt that'll be the case this time, and I'll go over why that is another day. In the meantime,...
In the meantime....- Yeah, I don't have a good way to end this, so here's that video Kyle Kallgren did on "Honey Boo-Boo" that time, for a more analytical and historical look that still doesn't add much points in Danielle Bergoli's favor here.