Saturday, August 6, 2016
4-LETTER WORDS ABOUT THE ROTTEN TOMATOES PETITION!
Okay, there's quite a few posts of mine that I can just go back into the well and bring out and quote regarding this topic, to give some of our newer readers a sense of how I tend to think about situations like this, especially considering my long history of denouncing "fans", but the one that immediately comes to mind, is this little rant I had during my most recent article on trailers and how people paying any attention to them at all are paying too much attention to them:
Yeah, I know the trend is to watch the movie first and then check the reviews, hell, I do that, but I do it because I write movie reviews now and I don't want the bias, other than that, no, it's a stupid trend and it should STOP! Yeah, ignore the experts who tell you it's shit, waste the money and the time off your life, just to find out, hey, it's shit, and now because you've all seen it and made the people who made it rich, they're making a sequel to the shit.... Yeah, yeah, to paraphrase an old Billy Crystal joke, I'm a critic, I have to, but you...?
You don't even have to wait to read me, like, I'm not that self-obsessed and sadistic, at least not today, but you know, read the ones that actually know what they're doing, at least read your local critics in the newspapers and alternative magazines. I mean, it's not like there aren't hundreds of movie critics out there, professional names and otherwise, it's not that hard to find good ones, and nowadays, with the internet, with more access to critics than ever before..., and that doesn't even mean, read the reviews and if they're negative don't go see the movie, go see it if you want. The best critics will always try to write their reviews in a way that, even if you disagree with the critic, they'll reveal enough to give you an indication of whether or not you'll like the movie, without giving away too much, and it's not a bad general rule either. I always try to get the feel of the movie across while writing my review, as oppose to just describing the actual content, so as to help out the reader in determining whether you'll like it, a lot of critics do that. And, they don't come out with the reviews months before the movie's ever released, so there's not that much buildup, and again, tempering expectation, it helps, it really does, I cannot stress that enough. (And you don't even have to read the critics either anymore, [although I still recommend doing it] there's a lot of very good online critics who post in video form too, and many are just as professional as the more traditional print critics)
You can read that post in it's entirety, here:
Yeah, you see, this has come up, again-, well, I'm sure most of you have heard about it, that on, Wednesday I believe, yeah, Wednesday, 'cause I was just about to post my previous blog when it broke, that apparently the reviews from the early screening of "Suicide Squad", which, is, um, eh, I don't know, a movie where the villains are called in to be the heroes or something, 'cause I don't-, anyway, I've been hearing about this movie, for quite a while, and it's a big Summer movie so many of the major film critics across the country got early screenings of the movie and it turns out that, at least according to Rottentomatoes.com, most of them are negative, about 1/4 of the overall critics, including only about 1/5 of the "Top Critics" gave the film a positive review. Okay, too bad. However, and keep in mind, the movie didn't open in theaters until, today, Friday August 5th, 2016, the day I'm writing this, (It'll be posted on Saturday) but two days earlier, after the "outrage" a Change.com petition was created, to get rid of Rotten Tomatoes. I will not post the site of the petition, but currently it has 20,148 supporters, and the petitions reads as follows:
Uh-huh. Just to go back to my trailers blogpost, I also wrote this:
But, you get why trailer analysis and fascination/obsession offends me, 'cause it's the less accurate and less qualified bias perspective of the same service that the film critic offers. And, here's the other thing, I know, that should be enough, for me to despise it, but it's more than just, ignoring critics in favor of trailers, there's one, ever really worst thing about this, and it's the fact that, well, the trailers are kinda irrelevant in terms of the goal of, "Trying to get people to go see these movies" at least in this context, because, most of the time, when people do obsess or anticipate over the trailers of a movie, it's a movie you were probably gonna see anyway, no matter what, not every movie trailer, it's just the, particular ones that.... Yes, this is fandom, once again, I'm going after, and no, as I've said many times before, I'm "Not a fan", and I don't take a fan's perspective, and this right here, the outright rejection of the critics, and the over-obsession of such unimportant menial aspects like trailers, this is everything wrong with fandom, basically in a nutshell. You get excited for the trailer, because you were going to see the movie anyway. Not, "Holy shit, that movie looks good, I should remember to go see it." That doesn't happen that often anymore. It does, but, no, no, no, not the way it's being discussed and done here; if you're just obsessing over something just to obsess over it, that's a fetish, not analysis. That's the thing, critical reviews will actually get people to see a movie, while trailers, um, they don't do that as much, they're just, I don't know, foreplay? No, they're not even the foreplay, they're the photo on the Match.com profile page of the other person, except you've already know you're dating them. This is superfans getting their instant gratification pressed in their heads and trying to pass it off as something that's actually worth analyzing or discussing.
If it doesn't even matter for it's intended purpose, then why are you supposed "fans" obsessing over it? (Frustrated sigh)....
(Deep breath) Sssssssssss-So, now, fans, particularly DC Comics/Universe whatever "fffff-fanssssszzz" have decided, without seeing the movie, remember, one movie, only one movie, they've decided, that it is now time to revolt against, "the opinions of the critics". (Sighing breath)
I know what some of you are already thinking, You're thinking, "David, do you happen to have any thoughts on this? Any chance at all? I mean, you've constantly said, you're "Not-a-Fan'\ and in particular fans of the ever-increasing popular comic book universes of films and you'd been particularly vicious about them in the past, well now they're going after movie critics, we're just curious, you don't happen to have any thoughts, or anything to say at all about this?" I know that's what a lot of you are thinking, and-eh, well, as a matter of fact, yes-um, (slight chuckle) well, yes. It-, it's a little amazing, but, yes, I-eh just happen to have some thoughts and a-eh, a few words I would graciously like to tell these people, in particular, these, 20,000+ who have so far, signed this petition. I just-eh, want to take a second to collect my thoughts real quick.
Let's eh, (Outstretches arms and back) Ow, yeah, that-eh, that feels good. Yeah, let's (rubs shoulders back in a circular motion) Oh yeah, that feels good. (Deep calming breath) Ahh. Clear mind, clear mind. Deep breah. (Deep breath) Ah, alright, sip some of my diet soda. (Sips soda from old 7-11 iced coffee cup) Mmm, (Wets lips) There we go. Okay, things I have to say to these fans. Alright one last deep breath, go into a zen place....
(Long deep breath)
My thoughts on this? Okay, you ready? Alright, here they come.:
FUCK YOU YOU LITTLE PIECES OF BLOOD-SOAKED DOGSHITS ON THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOE YOU ARROGANT LITTLE FUCKWADS! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES ARE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH! I'M CONSTANTLY BERATED AND CONDESCENDED TO BY GODDAMN SHITS LIKE YOU FUCKERS CLAIMING I'M THE ONE WHO'S OUT OF LINE GOING AFTER ALL OF YOU, CALLING ME, "PRETENTIOUS", THE ONE WHO GOES TO SEE EVERYTHING AND JUDGES FILMS BASED ON QUALITY, NOT WHETHER OR NOT I HAVE AN PERSONAL CONNECTION TO THE MATERIAL, BUT YOU PRETENTIOUS LITTLE ASSWIPES GET YOUR SHITSTAINED PANTIES IN A BUNCH, 'CAUSE (mocking)"Oh, my the God, the movie I've been waiting for for years is being poorly reviewed, those critics are ruining the thing I love, they must be stopped! AND I'M SUPPOSEDLY THE PRETENTIOUS ONE?!
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I DON'T THINK I'VE SAID IT ENOUGH, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKK YOU!
FUCK YOU! I still haven't said it enough, and oh, I ain't changing the font back by the way, you've all pissed me off now! Cause this, this shit, is what I've been talking about for years now. You little shits, all have to now, stop pretending you guys have any high ground to stand on. (mocking) "We're fans, we love arbitrarily things that we didn't have any input in creating, for reasons that most of us can't articulate 'cause it would reveal just how shallow and childlike our minds, but we go and see everything...-," You don't go see everything, I SEE EVERYTHING, you guys see the four things that ring the "Oh, I know that" part of your brains and are shocked when you discovered something new that's seven years old already. FUCK YOU! How fucking arrogant do you have to be, to actually claim that a movie you haven't seen is SOOOOOOO GOOD, that the people who have seen it and say it isn't, need to be STOPPED!
I am so sick and tired of FANS, claiming that they're inclusive, and that they represent the general populace 'cause all of us, got together because of the "THINGS WE LIKE", and we're such good friends, such good friends 'cause we love these, and even if we don't we're cool with it, but we obsess over those things we like and we talk about all those things we all like and..." FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKK ALL OF YOU!
Not only, do you, completely obsess over things that frankly you shouldn't obsess over, 'cause you're not five anymore, most of you, not only are all those claims of inclusiveness actually just complete BULLSHIT, like I've been saying for years, 'cause they're not! Like any group, that's formed like that, they're objective isn't to get people together, it's about SEPARATING YOURSELVES from everybody else, but not only that, you're gonna after FILM CRITICS, specifically because they're NOT LIKE YOU!
That is some DONALD TRUMP-TALKING-OUT-OF-HIS-ASS BULLSHIT! You don't want to read the critics, fine, I don't really care, but no, it's not that, if it was, you wouldn't start a petition, it's that YOU THINK EVERYBODY, who's NOT LIKE YOU, is out to get you. Well, they aren't, until now, it was probably just me!
(mocking) "They don't understand!" Really? THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE DEVOTED THEIR ENTIRE LIVES AND CAREERS TO WATCHING AND REPORTING ON THE QUALITY OF FILMS, DON'T UNDERSTAND! THEY, don't understand. By the way, most of those critics, are COMIC BOOK PEOPLE and nobody, and even if they weren't, NO-BODY, myself included, would ever do a job like being a film critic, voluntarily or for money, unless they absolutely LOVED MOVIES! Trust me, if you didn't, you wouldn't last a month and I wouldn't be doing this for as long as I have if I didn't love it. YOU ASSHOLES, don't understand that just because it's something that you have decided to focus your attention on, doesn't mean that everybody has to love it, or is going to love it, or for matter, is any fucking good at all. SORRY YOU DELUSION WAS SHATTERED by the COLD-HARD REALITY of PROFESSIONALS who might have an opinion, and knowledge, and expertise, outside of your own!
This shit, you pimples on the bottom of my ass, You 20,000+ are the reasons that I feel completely justified right now, in every single thing I ever have said negatively about FANS.
Rotten Tomatoes, is a REFERENCE PUBLICATIONS, DUMBASSES! You're essentially trying to BAN the DICTIONARY, from the INTERNET!
EAT ME YOU GODDAMN...-
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! HAVE I TOLD YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELVES YET!? NO! GO FUCK YOURSELVES! AND FUCK YOU! AND FUCK YOU!
Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with you people!?!?! Trying to eliminate Rotten Tomatoes, first of all they're not the only site, Metacritic.com for one, is just as good if not better, second of all, all Rotten Tomatoes does is list the major critics in the country, and the world, and link to their reviews, if possible, of all the movies, and shows how all the movie critics, rate the films, on a simple "Good or Bad" rating system. Remember rating systems like that, "GOOD or BAD" Like one comic book-reading movie critic I can think of would put it, "THUMBS UP or THUMBS DOWN"?! And then they average it out. They don't even take into account, how much the Critics like a movie, and they tell you that! They're not hiding or deceiving anything from me or you. It's not a bias thing. How about, instead of showing all those images about how great a supermodel-actress looks when dressed as a fucked-up abuse victim who's in love with her abuser, how about, maybe taking into account the, POSSIBILITY that maybe the CRITICS, who've again, HAVE ALREADY SEEN THE MOVIE, THAT YOU HADN'T SEEN YET, you thumbsucking little pricks, that "Maybe it's not that good a movie?" "Maybe I should see something else?" "Maybe I shouldn't spend my money at the theater for it, ensuring that the studios will make another five or six of these, but instead, check it out some other time, or maybe, just maybe, avoid it as long as possible, and see what the critics are actually really enthralled about right now and check those films out, more." "Maybe take into account the possibility that they might've completely fucked up whatever franchise or story you were so excited to see made into this film (Or that the original product isn't actually that good to begin with, so naturally a movie based on that product remains disappointing, no matter how many times they try)" "Maybe actually read some of the reviews, before you see the movie." They link to the reviews you know, they don't just post a quote and forget to link it (Most of the time). And it ain't that hard to look them up anyway, I don't exactly need Rotten Tomatoes, it's just a convenience, the same way I don't need a remote control to change the TV channel, but it helps, and it's nice to have, and you're all trying to fuck that up, for NO REASON!!! other than to massage your own inflated-ass egos!
This isn't a rebellion of the FANS who are uprising against the proletariat overlords that are FILM CRITICS, no. This petition is the PETULANT LITTLE CHILD complaining that he didn't get the damn toy he wanted from the box of cereal he made his parents get by crying and screaming in the supermarket aisle.
You guys don't even read the reviews anymore, let's not pretend you actually think this is having any impact other than, "I want to be noticed!" (mocking) "Yes, I want to say, I love, this thing, and everybody should love this thing as much as I do, and those who don't love this thing, need to go!"
You're all the ANJELICA PICKLES of the MOVIE WORLD. Yeah, seriously. Being all arrogant and know-it-all and complaining that everybody around you is an unknowing baby, while you're only a three-year-old who knows how to bitch to the right people to get whatever you want, and everything's fine, until suddenly it doesn't work.
I know, I know, these arrogant pieces of shit, they don't represent all fans, blah, blah, blah, yeah, but those ROTTEN APPLES that bitch about these ROTTEN TOMATOES, let me tell you, they're the ones who's voices get heard and get noticed by people, like ME and everyone else; they're the ones representing you all. They're the bad influences, emphasis on "Influences", and they're speaking for you, so be more careful of who's you're side you're hanging next to, 'cause this is the kind of shit they cause, and you don't see this from my side. It might be a lonely side, but let me tell you, I would NEVER think of something like this. I, or we, people like me, whoever they are, actually are inclusive, we don't focus on the few things we like, we try to see as much of everything we can, and we try to help and guide everyone we can and occasionally we come up with our own ideas and thoughts and not just follow whatever the crowd is saying, or whatever we wish the crowd was/would say. I don't look at the major critics as the be-all and end-all of what I think of a movie, but I sure as hell, don't flat-out reject the opinions of people more qualified than me and have more expertise than me, just because I may happen to disagree with them occasionally. They know more, they have experience, I listen to them. You people want to blow them up! Just because you only listen to that id part of your brain that fellates your ego, doesn't mean that's the only thing worth listening to.
This is FANBOY TERRORISM at it's worst, and yeah, I- I was laughing too, like everyone else at first, 'cause they're not getting anywhere, Rotten Tomatoes isn't going anywhere, and people were going to see the movie anyway, so they're not even getting as many more people interested in the film as they think they are. But no, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE A FAN! You become BLINDLY DEVOTED to the point of DE-LUS-ION, to the point where only you and your viewpoints are relevant in the world. ([Chuckled scoff], god, no wonder everybody else thinks "Fight Club" a good movie, you've all deluded yourself into thinking you're Tyler Durden). It isn't funny 'cause they think this is serious. I've heard it, quite often, "How often the critics got, whatever wrong", I hear it all the time, and it's not even a real analysis or criticism of critics, which by the way, they don't actually try to do either, which would've actually been an interesting approach, but instead, it's a desperate attempt to justify they're own uncontrollable emotions, by demeaning others, and those others are critics.
And supposedly you're the ones who are bullied by people like me, and not the other way around.
Seriously GO FUCK YOURSELVES with A RUSTY DOUBLE-SIDED RAKE YOU EGOTISTICAL BASTARDS!!! And anybody who thinks they're making any point at all, other than showing just how lost in fandom they've become, you can all just SUCK MY ASS!!!