Thursday, July 2, 2015

SPORADIC RANDOM THOUGHTS ON LIVING WITHOUT THE INTERNET PART II: THE QUICKENING

Alright, computer is in the shop, internet down anyway and 500,000 pens in the house, not a goddamn one of them has ink in them. 'Cause that's what my shitty handwriting needs.

Ugh, I wish I knew what was on half of these channels, and what was on later. 15 religious channels on digital that are free, for some reason, no TV Guide channel? Hell, I'd watch the PREVUE CHANNEL if that was still on. 

Oh, good God, who are these morons who take time out of their day to make a video about their thoughts on Tyga, whoever-the-fuck that is, to be on "TMZ Live"?!

Why does "TMZ Live" let them talk!?!?!?!

I did this once before, which is why this blog is called Part II. The first one was better though, and like most sequels, this is disappointing. . 

Madeleine Kahn was on "Cosby"!? I didn't even know she was alive for that show. 

No, it is not hypocritical of me to be appalled at Bill Cosby's date raping and still watch his shows. And yeah, to some extent, I always liked "Cosby" a little more than "The Cosby Show". Let's see which of these opinions gets a more shocking reaction.

Ugh, my hand is tired of writing these down, this isn't natural! I NEED TO TYPE! UGH!!!!!!!

IDEA FOR A SITCOM: Modern-day Carrie Bradshaw but earty-to-mid twenties in Las Vegas bur a more 1st person perspective/focus, but still focusing on admittedly exaggerated adventures, sexual and otherwise. She and everyone else will have fake names and each episode will almost always be told through her article. Should have other work, waitress/webcam model/whatever. Broke Girl but for real, husting in sex life, work life, and dad-to-day life. Actually, this could be a movie... hmm. 

UGH! Why am I always without a computer when my good ideas come to me?!!!

Oh god, why isn't channel 31.4 working now? That was HOT TV, I've been watching that channel for two nights in a row. I was looking forward to another episode of "Life with Elizabeth'. Hey, it's still funny. It is, go watch it.

Man, if you ever just want to see some weird stuff, if you have PB&J, turn to that channel once in a while. More often, I saw "What the fuck is this?!" at that channel than any other. No wonder my mother only sees animation as children's stuff, if these were her Saturday morning cartoons, boy they really gave no effort to some of these. 

Really, just these old "Archie" episode are weird. Like, I thought Betty was the slut, but clearly Veronika's got the Charlene Tilton thing going, but that doesn't make any sense, why are they letting the ditzy blonde play tambourine if she isn't blowing any of them? And why don't they give Veronika a chairVeronika a chair? I know it's a keyboard, not a piano, but who plays a keyboard with a foot petal, standing up?

Did Gumby just say "This guy's no beatnik; he's one of George Washington's soldiers? Seriously, PB&J is weird fucking shit!

When the hell did ABC start doing TGIT?! Thank God it's Thursday!? WTF? Really? REALLY!?!? UGH! That's so wrong on, so many levels...-, my head will explode if I think too deeply about it. 

Let's see,  finish this stupid, frustrating, "I Origins" movie, or a rerun of "Hill Street Blues"? AGH, I have to watch this movie so I can send it back on my Netflix! Maybe if a watch the film during commercials, it'll be more tolerable? 

Nope, that didn't work. Didn't work at all. 

Why is it called "Inside Edition"? I never thought about that before, but that title doesn't really make any sense. I don't think it does anyway.

Why is CBS just airing "Hawaii Five-0" reruns at 11;30pm? Can't they just air Letterman reruns 'til Colbert premieres? And why "Hawaii Five-0" anyway, do they still think people watch that?

Dear Escape Channel, don't tell me that "Forensic Files" is on later. "Forensic Files" is always on your channel later. Instead, tell me what's this movie I'm watching that actually seems interesting. 

Why are there really fake women on a show called "The Real"?

Keirsten Warren was really underrated on "Saved By the Bell: The New Class"! Actually, I always thought Alex was a better match with Slater than Jesse ever was. Actually, I always thought Jesse should've been matched with Screech. There were both smart, her political protesting edge could've given Screech more of a down-to-Earth backbone and expanded him greatly; they could've made a powerful antithesis for Zach at times, plus there's conflict within the group, and it'll split Kelly and Slater's allegiances at times. It makes more sense than pairing him with Lisa who was just a rich, spoiled brat and she never came around to him anyway. Okay, I just realized that I thought way too much about this. 

Ugh! It's really hard reading my handwriting and then typing it into this. I NEED MY COMPUTER FUCKING FIXED!

Okay, this has always annoyed me, there's two TV shows that changed their original opening title themes to the point where they never air their original titles/themes. "Grace Under Fire" had a completely different theme song and opening originally. No, it's not as good as the later one, but it was still pretty good; I don't know why they don't air any of those episodes with that original theme. But, the worst, worst of these, is "Ellen". The first season of that show, was not called "Ellen", it was called "These Friends of Mine". Don't believe me? Go to the 22:04 mark of the video below.



See it. On the slate, it clearly says the show is called "These Friends of Mine"! Yet, even this episode's opening credits, call the show "Ellen". They changed it the second season, but since they kept the opening credits sequence that season, they just changed the title in the sequence, and when it went into reruns, they just kept it. I have no idea why they don't bring this up; I can't even find an original opening sequence of the show on Youtube, where it says the title is "These Friends of Mine", but go look on the Neilsen ratings for '93-'94 and one of the Top Five shows, is "These Friends of Mine". And that's another, this was a Top Five show, and CHANGED THE TITLE?! Can you imagine that ever happening today? Granted,"These Friends of Mine" is a weird title and in hindsight, kinda makes sense that someone like Ellen DeGenerous, before she came out, would try to push the focus on, the people around her and not herself, that's odd. Yes, "Ellen" is a far better title, but it's still, so strange and it's been completely erased from most everyone's memory, except mine. I distinctly remember being confused that that show I liked wasn't on the air anymore, until I saw it under the title "Ellen" the next year. Odd.

Hey a foreign movie on THISTV, oh, "Osama" and it's a good one too. They don't put enough of those on.

NBC fired Donald Trump. Well, about time and, du-uh! They're keeping "The Celebrity Apprentice", fine let me know when they cancel "The Biggest Loser", and "Undateable", and about 6 other shitty reality shows. Oh, nevermind, just let me know when they bring back "Seinfeld".

BTW, in terms of beauty pageants, I was going to write about them at one point, but John Oliver did that piece on Miss America and pretty much said everything I was going to, and he did is better than I would've. I genuinely have no idea why beauty pageants still around.

What's this "Secretos"? This must be like the Mexican "Cheaters" or something, pretty strangely awesome.

I still can't stand Sheryl Underwood on "The Talk" I miss Leah Remini, she was funny and witty, Underwood forces every joke, she doesn't really participate in the actual talking. Granted Julie Chan's annoying, but I can live with her, but Underwood's just annoying. She's never funny and when you got Aisha Tyler up there, who really is funny as hell, it really feels forced.

Okay, I watched 15 minutes of "Celebrity Wife Swap", but it was just to see what was in Margaret Cho's dungeon. She is so awesome!

I guess you realized that most of these complaints and thoughts have been about television, well, it's all I really got right now, although I am watching movies, but I'm trying to catch up on television for the Emmys. Except none of the Emmy shows are on in reruns anymore!!!! WTF? How many "American Ninja Warriors" can you have? Damn networks, going all to hell. Cable should be fucking free to all! That should be the next civil right we challenge the Supreme Court over.


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