Tuesday, March 31, 2015

SPORADIC RANDOM THOUGHTS ON LIVING WITHOUT THE INTERNET: PART I

CBS’s Coverage of the NCAA Tournament sucks now that half the fucking game are on cable. Who asked for that? I never missed a game when they were all on CBS; there was no halftime show, you just switched to another game! And then, when your game got boring, they uo switch to more exciting ones, but now I gotta get TruTV to watch Villanova fuck up? TruTV?!?!?!?!?!? I can’t even watch all the elite eight games now! Fuck that, if you’re gonna do this shit, just put on a “The Big Bang Theory” rerun at least. The economy ain’t that much better and Cable and Satellite prices and structuring so fucked up, even the cable channels themselves are getting out of it, (Which reminds me, as soon as I get money, get HBOGo.) get out of Cable, bring it back to how it was. Every game on one channel and just show us whatever game is interesting. I know I bitched about this before, but still.

God, these “M*A*S*H” reruns that are chopped to shit on MeTV; you almost lose the show half the time.

We need to stop being so hell-bent on the half-hour, one-hour structure of shows. Other countries, shows often start at forty minutes if they want, why can’t shows do that here.

The undo button on the Chess Titans game on my computer is really a godsend. I wish it would make me a better chess player but still…. Chess isn’t the same since computers got a hold of it; that’s why I play poker now when I can. There’s no cerebral element to chess, it’s just a mathematical problem that Big Blue can solve.

I want to go on “Celebrity Name Game”, I bet me and my friend Lillian would do well on it. I miss Craig Ferguson’s talk show, but I like James Corden. Did you know he was the fat kid in Mike Leigh’s “All or Nothing”? Just saw that recently too.

Oh, is my sweater on backwards and inside out?! FUCK! Where’s my copy of “Jagged Little Pill”. (Insert CD, starts singing, “All I Really Want”, in Alanis Morissette voice) “Do I chew you out. My sweater is on backwards and inside out, and you say, how-oooooooooooowwwwwwwww-ow appropriate…..”

Ugh, I don’t want to post a third Canon of Film entry in a row. But I don’t have the internet around to do my regular pieces. Maybe I should just post a bunch of Random Thoughts to show my state of mind?

Oh, I probably should put that last thought first? Eh, fuck it.

Maybe I should ask Cinema Discussions if they have any questions or thoughts they’d want to hear from me. It never worked before but-, oh FUCK! I don’t have the INTERNET!!!!!!!!!! UGH!

You know something, why do people even give a shit about the Action scenes in “The Hunger Games”? Like seriously, that never bothered me, it wasn’t about the action. It wasn’t seeing kids get killed. That’s what “Battle Royale” was about and that’s why that film’s a piece of shit. And how anybody thinks otherwise on that, just drives me crazy. A nicely-told sci-fi mood piece in the Shirley Jackson tradition of parables and real-life horrors disguised as tradition and religion, vs. Wet dream for people who didn’t orgasm enough at Columbine? What the fuck are they thinking?

I really don’t care about anybody’s favorite anything. Why do people care about favorites, that just means you like something and don’t care about whether it’s good? That’s stupid. “Dead Poets Society” was wrong on that, you don’t have to a blindly appreciate or be inspired by the better works, but there is a determination of quality that stands the test of time and is legitimate. And knowing how to tell the difference is half the battle. I don’t know why people are so intently focuses on what they like instead of focusing more on what is good. I know what I like, I can masturbate to it on my own time, seeking out good is so much more interesting and enjoyable.

In case somebody didn’t get what I just wrote, FANBOYISM is MASTURBATION! Movies, televisions, books, art of all kinds, it’s so widespread. Why zone in, narrow a focus, why obsess?! That’s the thing, it’s an obsession. It’s not good for anybody.

And you know what, I’m tired of it being treated like it isn’t masturbation. Like it’s something to be proud of, like it’s something that makes somebody special. “Oh, he’s like me, he likes this shit, so I can trust him,,,,-” what? It’s not a specialty, it doesn’t make you more advanced or expertise; it makes you less. I get celebrating your individuality fine, but there’s a point where people are making their obsessions and childhood fascinations, they’re making that their individualism. I was told by one group I posted in that focuses in on, for a lack of a better term “geek culture” that I don’t post anything or comment on anything, I just post my blog and then go. Well, post about something interesting and then perhaps I’ll comment, but bullshit, you’re denying entry from outside things because I don’t care who plays Skeletor or whoever in the film that doesn’t get made for three years? Get a life. No, get a better life, get a more complete life. I mean, I get it, I don’t watch “Nova” every week either, but it’s not because I don’t care about science, it just that sometimes I want to watch something else, or nothing but I’m not bragging about what I would rather do in that time between either. There’s something strange about this celebration of this lack of well-roundedness that’s really disturbing.

And it’s also exclusionary. More people should speak up about that part too. I know these are the people who were ostracized growing up by everybody else because they were different and I know how that feels, I was to, but it’s no better to just insulate yourselves like that either.

Part of the reason why I went into film is that it really does encompass anything and everything. Everybody watches movies, everybody watches television and if you say otherwise then you’re lying, and if you aren’t then there’s something worst wrong with you. (I have no respect for parents who don’t allow their kids to watch television; that’s denying them maybe the greatest education and cultural opening to the world possible.) But it does have everything, you like sports, there’s a game on. You like documentaries, there’s thousands of them. You like sex, we got porn, you like laughing, we got comedy, you want to see what’s happening in the Senate,  go watch C-SPAN. We even got music. Want to see what happens when a bunch of the best young chefs in the country get put through challenge after challenge to see who comes out on top, welcome to “Top Chef”. You want to see the world we’ll show it to you. You wanna see the universe, we got that too. You want to see a superhero, actions, adventure, special effects, mythology, sure, we got them too. It pains me when I think about have so zoned in on their own peculiar fetishes with this medium. It’s like high school all over again, and I’m the guy that everybody likes and everybody knows and everybody wants to be friends with and bring into their group and yet they can’t understand why I still insist on sitting alone in the corner or in the library during lunch. There’s so much, and you only want to know or see, this much of it? People are making careers out of insisting on this kind of perspective, that this is what they like and this is what we know, I don’t know what makes me want to vomit more some of the competitors of mine that thrive on this focus or the fact that there are legions of people apparently who are just all too excited to place them on pedestals for being just like them.

Yeah, I know, I’m one of them as well, or trying to be, but at least I’m trying to show and push people towards other things and directions whenever possible.

(Pulls out a cigarette, lights it. Starts coughing and hacking) Man, I wish I smoked, ‘cause that would’ve been a lot cooler. Maybe a little too Christopher Hitchens then I’d prefer, but still. Never did like him that much.

Never did that find “Monopoly: Here & Now” computer game disk of mine. It’s gotta be around here somewhere, right?

I appreciate that that “MOVIES!” channel doesn’t edit for time or content. It might blur out nudity and language or something, but it’s good overall. Usually gives the right perspective for a film as well. The other channels, ThisTV, GetTV, is that it GetTV, they don’t always do that.

I wish I could excited about the Daytime Emmy nominations, but ever since Susan Lucci finally won, let’s face it, there hasn’t been a reason to watch since. Ugh. Primetime is so much simpler; I know it seems more complicated, but boy, I wouldn’t want to be the one that sorts through the different genres of Daytime series. God, that’s gonna get more complicated too when it starts counting internet series.

There’s a big goldmine opportunity in daytime soaps if cable ever got their head out of their asses. I’ve said that before, start looking new telenovelas structure soaps for daytime, and put them on cable. You can do more there, be more adventurous with material, why should that be limited to primetime now? TNT, A&E, Bravo even, they should be calling out all-comers for new concepts for daytime soaps.

I’m finally getting around to reading “Life Itself”, Roger Ebert’s autobiography. Yes, I saw the movie too, I’ll be reviewing it when I can finally get the internet again. Ugh, there’s that sentence again, “When I can finally get the internet again.” That’s another thing that has everything, the internet. Again, seems shameful to waste it on such little things. Eh.

You know, I was probably the last generation that actually tried to save up to buy an encyclopedia. It’s amazing in hindsight how little insight they actually had. I mean, they have insight, but it was only up to that moment. Plus, we didn’t know there was so many specialty texts and magazines for every subject and how much more useful they were until we got the internet. Am I being being a hypocrite by now praising expert-level specialties after railing against fanboyism as masturbation? Hmmm, probably, but there’s distinction and nuances and situations and blah, blah, blah. It is unusual though that for there to be so much knowledge out there that somebody has to become such an expert on the sexual reproduction practices of the tsetse fly so that we can have that information. But I don’t remember that person being frustrated or insulted that I or anybody else didn’t share their fascination however.

There’s a thinly-veiled “Laurel Canyon” reference in that last random thought, kudos to those who caught it.

Finally finished that webseries I’ve been writing secretly for over about two years, well first seven episodes/first season. I really need to expand this blog so that others can come in and write occasionally so that I can get more time to devote to my screenplays.

Hey, that could be a subject of the second season of my webseries? (NOTE TO SELF: Second season subplot #3: Michael Vitelloni’s struggles to give up the blog and put into the hands of other bloggers as he continues to become more successful.)

I can’t tell if I like “The Last Man on Earth” or not yet. I’m trying, but right now, I mostly just miss “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” not being on Sunday nights.

(Clicks on Netflix icon on computer) And… nope, still don’t have the internet.

I’ve been catching up on Nostalgia Critic and Nostalgia Chick, or Lindsay Ellis, whatever she’s going by these days, some of the other Channel Awesome people occasionally, but I like Nostalgia Critic. I’m not crazy about his style of criticizing a movie scene-by-scene to shreds, or even the focus on nostalgia frankly, but at least he’s good at it and he’s an actual critic instead of just a fan. I think he’s getting tired of that shtick as well, he seems to be trying to faze out that and do more reviews and such as himself. That’s strange ‘cause I want to do the opposite; start out as myself and then transform into other personalities and characters as needed. I guess that’s a screenwriter thing, as Aaron Sorkin says, “The first person to play the role that I’m writing is me.”

Should I start calling Nostalgia Critic, Doug Wilson? (Shrugs)

INT. CASINO RESTAURANT-AFTERNOON-DA- Oh, shit, this isn’t Celtx. Where’s my script- oh here we go.

You know, I really should do more lists, but I don’t want to do them just to do them and go, “Look at me, I made a list of things.” I like lists, but I also know how obsessed I get doing them, and frankly I’d prefer to only do them if I have a point in doing them, like if they’re are apart of something greater, or if perhaps they’re on something that no one else has done a zillion times already. I need to ask people about ideas on that, what they would like to see/hear from me about lists. Hopefully not favorites! To be continued….

How did we get the word “zillion”? That’s not a word; that’s not even a number. I don’t think it’s a number. Million, billion, trillion, quadrillion,… I don’t think zillion goes there. I should look that up- Oh, dammit! UGH! Why is there always no internet when that happens?!  

Oh great. I’m at the library, I’ve got time, but I’ve gotta kick stuff off my Netflix and now they have “Garfunkel & Oates”’s IFC show, and unfortunately I can’t waste time watching that ‘cause I’m time-limited. Oh, and IFC canceled it. Damn. Those girls are so strange, funny and unique that nobody knows what to do with them and that’s a shame.

I don’t get Dropbox. I see the icon on my computer, I know, I don’t have the internet right now, and I-, I guess I kinda get what it does, but really I don’t get the purpose of it. Or why it’s on my computer and how anybody really uses/needs it.

Okay, I’m from Vegas born and raised, alright, when you say you’re “into gaming”, that has a completely different connotation to me. You think “World of Warcraft”, I think “How much money was won at the Baccarat tables this month?” I don’t know when “Play video games” turned into “gaming”, but that is frustrating. Just- just say you like/play/study video games (And yes, you can study/read them; I’m still on Roger Ebert side on it’s place in the stratosphere of art, but there is a valid literary approach to them) but just- just be aware of that when you say “gaming”, that that doesn't universally mean video games to everybody.

God dammit! Trevor Noah gets picked as new host of “The Daily Show”. Not only did I have Samantha Bee in the pool, (Fuckin’- how did I not see that, the young political comic from South Africa, or course he’s the next one. Man, I so sure it was gonna be Samantha Bee, that I completely zoned out on Noah. Ten more bucks down the drain.) but I don’t have the internet, and I’m already weeks behind doing my post on the Late Night carousal,- hell, I’m still not over Jon Stewart announcing he’s leaving. Grrr! I NEED MY FUCKING INTERNET BACK! I WANT MY INTERNET!

Hmm. Oh my God, that is this generation’s, “I want my MTV,” isn’t it? “I need my internet”, pretty much, heh? Bum-ba-ma-na-ma-naa-na-na-na, na-na, bum-ba-…. I don’t have a Dire Straits CD, but that was supposed to be the opening guitar to “Money for Nothing”. I’d just play the song on Youtube normally, but I don’t have the fucking internet right now! AAAAAAAAH! OOOOOOOH!

Ugh. Nothing to do but watch movies. Which is fine, but at least when I have the internet around I can at least review them as I go. Now, I'm gonna have about 30 or 40 or 50 films on tap to review with nothing but Word-saved notes until then. Man, I'm gonna be busy when I get the internet back. Not to mention that that doesn't/shouldn't mean that I'll stop watching movies at that time either. 

Post a Comment